


Resolution

by MargsLover



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-08-28 03:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 42,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16715759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargsLover/pseuds/MargsLover
Summary: A freak courthouse shooting causes Alicia to question every decision she's made since she met Will. In an alternate look at the 'education of Alicia Florrick', Alicia realizes what's really important in her life with help from the people she encounters along the way. AKA, how 5x15 should've happened, because Willicia deserved BETTER.





	1. Come With Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello so I'm completely new to writing fics and everything, I hope you enjoy this wild journey with me muahaha! NOW LISTEN UP BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT - I am a musician and obviously a music lover, so I am giving each chapter a song that matches it with the title, lyrical content, musical feel or all of the above. Do whatever you want with them, but these songs are all great and I kinda write the chapters so you can read as you listen! First one is "Come With Me Now" by KONGOS.
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tDjYuqJRJQ  
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/2kWowW0k4oFymhkr7LmvzO
> 
> Disclaimer: Now while I don't actually need a disclaimer and I'm sure TGW team understand derivative works and fair use and all that legal business, some stuff is ripped straight from the show, particularly in the start as I get the plot going, but anyone who's a fan of TGW obviously knows when the work isn't mine so? Either way all credit goes the creators behind The Good Wife for this incredible story and these amazing characters.

* * *

 

 _'Woah, come with me now_  
_I'm gonna take you down_  
_Woah, come with me now_  
_I'm gonna show you how'_

"I understand Mr. Grant, I know. But your son is mid-trial," Alicia reasons over the phone, somewhat bewildered. She notices Cary's questioning gaze and briefly explains before returning to her call. "-the Grants, their son, they want a second opinion - no, I'm sorry, look... Will Gardner is Lockhart/Gardner's top litigator." This earns an incredulous set of glares and gestures from Cary. "No, I'm sorry sir, but you're in good hands. Thank you."

"Wow, you were laying it on thick." Cary jabs playfully as Alicia hangs up.

"Just cooling things down," Alicia justifies, before immediately changing the subject to that of the current thorn in her side, Nelson Dubeck from Justice. He's dragging her into this ballot box mess for representing Peter. "So… will you?"

"You want me as your lawyer?" Cary asks, surprisingly dubious.

"Yeah. Why? You sound incredulous. Wouldn't you want me as your lawyer?"

"Um…" Cary trails off awkwardly, instantly provoking a stunned and offended reaction from his partner.

"Whoa…"

"I'm joking, I'm joking! Yes!" Cary placates, as Alicia lets out a relieved scoff. Of course, Cary is just trying to rile her up. Between their new firm, this bitter rivalry with Will, and now a deposition with Nelson Dubeck for Peter's alleged voter fraud, which Will is also conveniently tied up in, being riled up by Cary is exactly what she needs at the moment. "I'll arrange a date and time for the deposition."

"Good. I have the correspondents' luncheon tomorrow, sometime before that?" Alicia suggests, standing up from her chair.

"Okay. Where're you going?" Cary's query is thrown in casually, but it's delivered before she's taken a single step, so it's certainly not an empty question.

"Court." Behind Alicia's one-worded answer is the unspoken, _I dare you to push my buttons more today, Cary. Just see what happens._

"You offering a second opinion?" And of course Cary goes there, but she doesn't really mind. With the exception of her momentary failure to detect Cary's sarcasm, Alicia has gotten used to his teasing and playful jabs. She waves goodbye with a smile, and Cary returns it with his own trademark grin - one that makes you question if he knows something that you don't.

No, they aren't Will and Diane, but they don't need to be. They will get by just fine as Alicia and Cary.

* * *

 Entering and taking a seat in the back of the courtroom, Alicia feels a little guilty. Like she's stepping on Will's toes. This Jeffrey Grant case is his, after all. But her guilt is fleeting, only lasting until she notices the thinly-veiled disbelief on her former lover's face. Seeing how affected he is simply by her presence is deliciously gratifying, though she would never admit this to him or anyone. Only adding to the denial in their tumultuous relationship, Will refuses to admit that he wouldn't be so angry unless he cared at least a little. But Alicia can't allow herself to dwell on these things, not when this is why she left and started her own firm in the first place. She needs to focus. Focus on Detective Rodriguez's damaging testimony. Focus on Will's brilliantly seamless cross, recovering his case immediately and reminding Alicia why it's him at the defense table for Jeffrey Grant, and not her. They might have their differences, but Will's the better lawyer. Another thing she isn't about to admit out loud. Regardless, Alicia isn't here to do anything besides satisfy the seemingly concerned parents of Jeffery Grant. And if that ruffles Will's feathers, well who is to blame, really.

During the trial's recess, Will storms out of the courtroom doors, and his dark gaze immediately fixes on Alicia. Ruffled feathers, indeed.

"What's going on?" He demands, with those angry furrowed brows that Alicia seems to be seeing a lot of lately.

"The Grants called me for a second opinion on your trial." Alicia decides to play this serious, now finished with the mind games. She did tell Cary she was trying to cool things down.

"You're kidding me," he spits.

"No. I told them no-" Alicia's poor attempt to placate Will is cut off, as he begins on a series of biting remarks.

"Then why are you here? To rub it in my face? Unlike you, I don't have to resort to poaching just to get by. Find your own damn clients, Alicia."

"The Grants came to me, Will, so they're obviously not very happy with their current representation," Alicia challenges. So cooling things down has apparently gone right out the window.

"Oh, so you can do a better job with this case? You really think that?" Will prods angrily, his voice rising with each incredulous word.

"It's not about what I think," Alicia starts. And she's already dug her hole, so she may as well dig it in style. "Your clients, however... seem to have diminishing faith."

And that does it for Will, who advances further towards Alicia with a menacing gaze. "Oh yeah? Well then, why don't you come back inside and observe some more - maybe you'll learn a thing or two about being a lawyer. Now that I think about it, you wouldn't be a lawyer at all without me now, would you?"

It's all Alicia can do to shake her head with a chuckle, and follow him back into the courtroom.

Now, in hindsight, part of her wishes that she hadn't.


	2. Heart of Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiz is about to go down :(. This chapter's song is "Heart of Glass" by Blondie, but the CRABTREE REMIX. If you've seen The Handmaid's Tale, you know that this is a beautiful but heart-wrenching song!
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08HOZ5PzVyw
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/0YA9Ofybww924Dy12PkaXq

* * *

 ' _Once I had love, and it was a gas_  
_Soon turned out, had heart of glass'_

Sitting in the courtroom gallery, Alicia watches Kalinda briefly speak to Will before racing off with a smile. They've obviously found something. It makes her begin to miss working at Lockhart/Gardner, or at least miss having an investigator like Kalinda. Yes, Will is a fantastic lawyer. But if he wins this case it will be because of Kalinda, she can see it in Will's confident demeanor as he strides back to the defense table. Did she make the right decision? She had left such stability and safety at Lockhart/Gardner for a start-up. And all because she couldn't keep herself together around Will. Hell, he offered her managing partner, and she threw it back in his face. Well, the secret of her leaving was out before she could really respond to Will's offer, but Alicia can see why he's so angry.

"Did you have any more questions, counselor?" Judge Politi begins.

"No, your honor, I tender the witness." The ASA on this case must be new, Alicia doesn't recognize him.

"No questions your honor, but I request a sidebar," Will states. He approaches after putting a reassuring hand on the defendant's arm.

Alicia initially tries to read the non-verbal queues of the conversation at the sidebar between Will, the judge, and the ASA, but Jeffrey Grant manages to capture her attention. She suddenly feels a motherly sympathy and sorrow for this boy. If he is as innocent as Will insists, she doesn't know how this young man is managing to keep it together. His gaze flicks to the bench, to the witness, then to the jury. It's only when he turns to the gallery that Alicia can see his watery eyes, his flaring nostrils, the cuts and grazes on his cheek and eyebrow. He looks… scared. No, he looks desperate, which makes  _Alicia_  scared. She doesn't know this man, this  _boy_ , but the look in his eyes makes her stomach turn. Something isn't right. Jeffrey Grant raises a shaking hand towards the distracted sheriff next to him. Something is very, very wrong.

 _"Will…"_  she lets out, weak and shaky and quiet. But Will hears it. He turns around to see that his defendant has a gun, and he's pointing it at the sheriff he took it from. Everyone gasps and ducks, including the sheriff, but Alicia can't move. It happens both in slow motion and at lightning speed, and the next thing Alicia knows the gun is pointed at  _her._ Unsurprising, considering she spoke up and drew attention to Will's client-turned-gunman. Stupid Alicia,  _stupid._

"No one make a sound or I'll shoot," The defendant threatens in a pain-filled, watery tone. Alicia almost begins to feel sorry for him again. Or she would, if there wasn't a gun currently pointed directly to her head. Alicia can hear her own heart pounding in her ears. She clamps her eyes shut so the noise in her head will quieten. The pounding only becomes worse though, until she hears Will's voice.

"Hey. Jeffrey. … Hey, asshole! You're looking at a hell of a lot more time behind bars if you don't put that gun down." What on earth is Will doing? The defendant turns to face his defense lawyer, but the gun still remains pointed at Alicia. Will advances forward with his hands ready to grab the gun, and in a split second, the firearm is turned onto him.

"WILL!" Is all Alicia can scream as a bullet is fired into Will's shoulder, another into his abdomen. He collapses, and it feels like Alicia flies over to him, not caring about the madman in between them. Not caring that Jeffrey Grant swings his arm back and the handgun strikes Alicia's head. Not caring that she falls back from the force of it. Not caring that she now has to crawl down the aisle between the gallery while the gunman shoots around erratically.

_She just has to get to Will._

She hears bullet after bullet being fired, she sees the glass entrance to the courtroom shatter from the gunfire, as more officers start shooting across the courtroom. Once Alicia reaches Will, she starts to drag him between the gallery seats, out of the line of fire. She leans over him and holds his face. Her mind is suddenly ambushed with all the things that she never told him. All the lies she told  _herself_ , because she was so afraid of getting close to this man. Now she's losing him, she can see the life draining from his eyes, and it has to stop, it has to stop  _now._  The blood from his wounds begins to seep through his white dress shirt. Alicia tries to press on them to stop the bleeding, but this only makes Will clamp his eyes shut and gape in pain. She takes off her blazer to wrap around his wounds, but there's so much blood.

_There's so much blood._

* * *

 "Your honor, at the very most, this is a DUI. That's all. My client is a respected businessman. He's shown a clear sense of-" Diane Lockhart is cut off by the harsh sound of a gunshot, piercing through the whole courthouse. The second makes her flinch. After the third, and the fourth shot, Sheriff Hardy orders them to stay put and leaves to investigate. Diane ignores the orders and follows her out after a few shaky breaths to steady her now racing heart. She spots Kalinda outside the courtroom, in the midst of the chaos, the running, and the screams. "What is it? What's going on?" Diane pleads.

"I don't know," is all Kalinda can reply. Diane then remembers that Will is also somewhere in this chaos. Her blood runs cold at the thought of him being caught up in a shooting.

"Will's court."

"I know, Look, stay here." Diane watches Kalinda rush down the hall, going against the tide of people fleeing the courthouse. 

* * *

 "Will!" Kalinda's hopes her voice is heard over the harsh repetitive alarm, the gunfire, and the screams, as she calls from the shattered courtroom doors.

"K-Kalinda... Kalinda!" The investigator hears a shaky, weak and panicked response. But it's not from Will.

"Alicia? Alicia are you alright, where's Will?!" Kalinda pushes past the sheriffs, needing to see more than just Will's lone shoe and a trail of blood. She finds Alicia kneeling over him, her pale skin painted with a deep red blood.

_Will's blood._

"Will…" Kalinda whimpers. "Paramedics!"

When the paramedics do come, Kalinda prays to every god she can think of. Alicia just sits there, horror having drained the all the color from her face. She looks like she's about to scream, but she never does. She just stares at her trembling, crimson hands.

* * *

  _(I like myself around you, Alicia. I don't like myself around a lot of people.)_

"She hasn't said anything at all?"

_(I took you in. No one wanted you. I hired you. I pushed for you. You were poison!)_

"Not a word. Only a few nods to paramedics, they weren't sure at first if she had been shot as well, they couldn't tell with all the blood."

_(What if we were to have good timing. For even an hour. What would that look like?)_

"She must just be in complete shock, what a horrible thing to go through."

_(God, you're awful, and you don't even know how awful you are.)_

"So Mr. Gardner is still in surgery?"

_(When I look at you during the day… I want to know what you're thinking.)_

"Yeah. It's a waiting game now, we just have to hope and pray."


	3. Talk Is Cheap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and please tell me what you think of the direction the story is headed! This chapter's song is 'Talk Is Cheap' by Chet Faker
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP_-P_BS6KY
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/0lL1Kvqk9nR0fdDfKJQFhc

* * *

  _'Said, help me help you start it_  
You're too comfortable to know  
_Throwing out those words_  
_Oh, you gotta feel it on your own'_

Ruby Lawrence bursts into the office of her line manager, Dr. Holland.

Okay, burst is too big of a word for someone Ruby's size, but just because she's 5'2" doesn't mean she won't put her foot down when necessary. Like now. "You  _need_  to let me take the reigns on this," she insists. "For a start, the Governor's wife should  _of course_  receive the best care possible here at Chicago General. And you and I both know that this goes  _way_ beyond some head lac and a concussion. She needs  _counseling_ , Holland! This is  _exactly_  why we started up this clinic."

"Woah, take a breath and a step back for a second. I can't understand you when you're babbling on at that pace." Holland sighs and takes off his glasses, showing the beginnings of wrinkle lines around his eyes.

"You do realize that even though we both speak English, I'm the actual English one here? As in I'm literally. British. It's your own bloody problem if you can't get used to my accent," she retorts, rolling her eyes and running a hand through her chocolate brown hair. After a moment she immediately returns to bouncing up and down anxiously. "So can I please do the consult?"

"Have you stopped to think about the other lawyer who was actually shot in this situation? The one who is still in surgery?" Holland challenges, raising an eyebrow at the young brunette.

"Yes!  _Precisely_  why this needs to happen! Will Gardner and Mrs. Florrick are very close." At this, Holland fixes Ruby another look. "Okay, I don't know that - I just suspect. But you know I'm the best in psych for this case."

"I'm concerned that you're already too invested in this, Roo." Holland says with a shake of his head.

"… You're saying that I shouldn't provide care to this woman because I want to help her  _too_  much?!"

"You know what I'm saying, Roo. As you pointed out, this is the First Lady of Illinois so you need to go about this right way. Fine, fine. But you are off this case at the first sign of anything going wrong." Ruby nods in understanding and exhales.

Let's see what we can't do for Alicia Florrick.

* * *

 "CT's normal, she's just… not speaking." The nurse hands over the chart to Ruby, who nods and taps her fingers on the nurse's station counter. She notices two anxious-looking women standing outside room 502, Alicia Florrick's room according to the chart. They introduce themselves as Kalinda and Diane, and that's all she processes before being shocked by the completely blank look on Mrs. Florrick's face. When Ruby saw her on TV at the podium, standing by her husband with that scandal, there was at least some sadness or pain behind her expression. Now there's just… nothing. That needs to change, and fast.

"… need to go talk to the police," Ruby hears Kalinda say as she tunes back in on their conversation.

"Okay," Ruby nods but stops her before she walks off. "Aren't you going to tell Mrs. Florrick you're leaving?" Diane and Kalinda glance at each other awkwardly, and Ruby continues. "Just because she's not talking doesn't mean she shouldn't be spoken to. I'm sure she can hear just fine. C'mon, go in and say goodbye. Diane, are you joining her?"

"No, I think I need to just… sit for a minute," Diane admits. She does so, after an understanding nod from Ruby who then turns back to Mrs. Florrick's room.

"…asking about the sheriff, so I'll be back soon, Alicia," Kalinda promises, albeit uncomfortably, and heads out of the hospital.

"And then there were two," Ruby sighs, flopping down on a seat next to the First Lady of Illinois' hospital bed. She's unsurprisingly met with silence. "So Will is still in surgery." This earns the most visible reaction, as Mrs. Florrick lifts her head and looks directly at Ruby. "Let's hope he'll come through. They've apparently been at it for a while, and no news is good news, I'm told."

Ruby decides to stay and work through some charts and notes. It's actually nice and peaceful, and at least this way Mrs. Florrick isn't alone. She doesn't say it, but Will Gardner better survive his surgery. If he doesn't, Ruby fears that this woman beside her will retreat so far deep into herself, and never surface again.

* * *

 A few hours later, Will has made it through surgery - although he's not awake yet. Ruby decides on a different approach with Alicia, once Diane and Kalinda head over to see him. She chuckles and says, "That investigator with Diane is funny. I mean she's a petite little thing like me, but I get the feeling she'll kick your ass if she wants to." This earns the smallest hint of a smile from Mrs. Florrick. It's barely noticeable, but it's there. She decides to carry on then, hoping to get more of a reaction. "You know I can't remember her name though, it was something exotic like Kalina, or Karina-"

"Kalinda. It's Kalinda."

She's speaking, finally. Ruby has to stop herself from fist-pumping or bouncing up and down like usual. "Ah yes, Kalinda, that's it." She doesn't expect any further response, but she gets one as Mrs. Florrick's brows furrow, looking Ruby up and down.

"You don't look like a doctor," the First Lady muses as she clears her throat. "Well, you're not dressed like one at least. Please don't tell me I'm supposed to know you, and I've forgotten the last 2 years of my life or something."

"No, your memory isn't failing you, and yes I actually am a doctor," Ruby explains with a grin, flashing her ID lanyard. "But I don't take care of you physically. I'm a counselor, I help run a mental health clinic here. Your involvement is voluntary, though. Everyone else in this place is being way too anal and paranoid, keeping you here when you probably don't even need to be. But hey, they're just being thorough for First Lady Mrs. Florrick over here." The Governor's wife rolls her eyes at this, which actually does come as a surprise.

"Alicia," is her deadpan correction in response. This only brightens Ruby's smile, however.

"Alicia - I'm Ruby. You can call me Roo though, I like to keep things informal too."

"Is that across the board, or just when you're talking about  _feelings_  with crazies like me?" Alicia asks wryly. Ruby laughs, glad that she has a sense of humor. A dry one, but a sense of humor nonetheless.

"You aren't crazy, or at least it's not immediately obvious that you are," Ruby teases, before explaining what she actually does. "Besides, I mostly work with those who have experienced traumatic events. A lot of the time that involves the loss of someone close to them."

"Well, luckily that hasn't happened to me today," Alicia says carefully after a prolonged silence.

"It felt like it did happen for a bit there though, didn't it?" Ruby tries. That's when Alicia's eyes glaze over and she presses her lips together, visibly trying to hold back all the emotions that  _would_  be surfacing.

Blimey, this woman has some serious walls.

"Will is going to be fine," Alicia says, almost like she's trying to convince herself.

"But are  _you_?" Ruby challenges. "It mustn't have been easy seeing him like that. I'm gathering that you two are... extremely close." Alicia's head snaps up. "Look - all I'm saying is, yes you have various responsibilities... and they can sometimes turn into obstacles. But don't get so caught up in them that you forget about yourself. Your family is important, making a living is important, but so are  _you_. Your feelings matter. Your desires matter."

Alicia gapes at these comments, probably wondering why some British, twenty-something stranger is telling her how to live her life. But before Alicia can respond with words, Peter Florrick appears from behind Ruby and rushes over to his wife.

"Alicia, what the hell happened, are you alright?" The Governor wraps Alicia in his arms, and both of her children then emerge to embrace their mother. Over her daughter's shoulder, Alicia gazes at Ruby meaningfully. Her glistening eyes speak volumes.

_Don't you see? This matters much more than any of my desires. But I'm alright, I'm okay. I have to be._


	4. The Special Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing you to one of my favourite voices, Missy Higgins! If you're Aussie you'll already know her! She has a beautiful song called The Special Two.
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp3WOpo7Jus
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/5zq9YLz0g2U6QYawX54Jnf

* * *

_'And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together_  
_Our hands would not be taught to hold another's_  
_'Cause we're the special two'_

"So the surgeons told me Will is awake now. He really is going to be okay."

Alicia hears the words, but this pressure on her chest hasn't eased yet. Maybe it won't ease even if he really is okay. She's still being ambushed by all this guilt, she's still wasted all this time fighting him. What's the point of it all? Why does anything matter, if you're just going to die one day? But Will's not dead. Not yet. She has to see it with her own eyes.

"You want to see him?" Ruby asks when Alicia abruptly rises from her hospital bed. She simply starts walking down the hall, and the young woman has sense enough to lead her to Will. Alicia halts when she sees Diane's figure through the window. This is where he is. How much pain is he in? Does he even want to see her?

_(Please don't end up hating me.)_

Diane emerges from the recovery room and wraps Alicia in a hug. "Oh, Alicia. He's going to be okay."

After a brief hesitation, Alicia takes some shaky breaths and steels herself. One step at a time. Through the threshold. One step at a time. She risks a glance over to Will's hospital bed, and it's not as bad as Alicia had feared. He's not some half-conscious half-human hooked up to a load of machines. Alicia sits down slowly on the chair next to his bed. Yes, he does have an IV in one arm and a sling holding the other, and yes, he looks pale and tired. But it's… just Will. And he's breathing. And he's alive. And he's  _smiling._

"So, that's the last time I mouth off at you before representing an accused murderer. Karma obviously likes to bite me in the ass," Will says with a groggy grin. Alicia is not so amused, however. Her eyes become watery, and her chin starts to wobble. Will's face falls as he reaches for her forearm and gently squeezes it. "I'm sorry, I guess we aren't joking about it just yet-"

"Don't," Alicia cuts him off bitingly, and removes her arm from his grasp. "You  _ever_. Do that again. Do you understand me? I mean, what were you  _thinking_  - were you trying to get yourself killed? It's the  _stupidest_ thing I think you've ever done. Provoking a gunman, trying to be a hero?! Trust me, Will, you can't exactly enjoy heroism when you're  _dead,"_ she snaps. "And if you had died…" she begins, shaking her head as tears form in her eyes. She continues through gritted teeth, "If you had died, I would've done something just as stupid, I  _swear_."

By now Alicia has worked herself up into sobs, incoherent cries of  _-please-,_  and  _-don't-,_ and - _you can't leave me-._ All Will can do is let her rest her head on his good shoulder, and soothe her hair while she cries. 

* * *

 "Is… Is she alright, should we go in?" Diane asks Ruby, looking concerned at the scene through the window. The scene, being the Governor's wife crying into her former lover's chest. Finally, she's addressing this trauma.

"No no, this is good," Ruby assures her. "She is obviously very upset, but Will seems okay with her in there, and it's better that she gets this stuff out. It's better than having her implode on us." Diane nods in understanding, but she still looks worried. Or is it guilt she can see on Diane's face… survivors guilt maybe? "Everything alright?" She tries.

"I just… I want him to be happy." Diane begins.

"Will?" Ruby asks, earning a nod. "Of course, you obviously care about him. And you think... you've hindered that happiness in some way?" Diane raises her eyebrows.

"How did you kno-"

"It's my job to know these things," Ruby shrugs. "So what happened?" Diane let's out a long sigh.

"Him and Alicia… they were…"

"Seeing each other?" Diane nods slowly after hesitating for a moment. "But you didn't want that?"

"It's not that simple," Diane immediately says in defense. "It's just… he was her boss. So was I. And she was married - she  _is_ married. To the Governor, of all people. It just… wasn't right. And when she started her own firm, the professional issues there were gone. But Will was just too angry to even think about being with her. Well, they were both angry with each other."

"Holy crap…" Ruby mutters. "So this shooting has… made them reconcile?"

"Well it's not all sunshine and roses right away, you can see that for yourself." Diane points out, gesturing towards Alicia and Will through the hospital window.

"Of course not, but they're… healing."

Diane smiles. "I guess they are."

* * *

 Alicia can't be in this room anymore. It's too much. She can't breathe as long as Will is still there, wounded by his insane desire to protect her. He tries saying her name and reaching for her hand, but she shakes her head and pulls away from him. Outside, Diane is looking at Alicia like she's a ticking time bomb, and this young woman, Ruby, is just staring. Alicia hurries past them, through the door of a bathroom and into the nearest cubicle to empty the contents of her stomach. Ruby follows her in and asks if she's alright, but Alicia doesn't answer. Once she's pulled herself together enough, she continues down the hall. Back to where she thinks she came from… Where  _is_  her room in this place again? She feels a gentle hand on her arm.

"This way," the British woman says. It's better that Ruby leads her back, so she can just look down and wipe at her splotchy cheeks. No one can see her like this.

Kalinda is there sitting on her bed, and she stands when they enter the room. Alicia wells up again, instantly pulling the smaller investigator into an embrace. She knows Kalinda has never been one for affection, but she doesn't care.

"I thought I'd lost him," she whispers tearily. "I thought  _we'd_  lost him."

* * *

That night in the hospital, all Alicia does is toss and turn. Whenever she closes her eyes, she replays the images in her mind of Will being shot, of him bleeding on the floor. Without even thinking, she makes her way over to his room.

"Alicia," Will greets with a whisper. She manages to pull up a chair next to his bed in the darkness of the hospital room. When she sits down, he asks, "Can't sleep either?"

Alicia doesn't respond with words. But if she takes Will's hand, resting her head on the bed next to their intertwined fingers - no one but them has to know.


	5. Let It Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let It Go - James Bay
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsPq9mzFNGY
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/3nnG7AM9QopHVPEuLX3Khk

* * *

Alicia sits at her desk, just staring into space with glazed-over eyes. It's been a whole week since the shooting, and she still hasn't shaken off… everything. The dread, and the guilt - over what specifically, she doesn't know. What is she  _not_  feeling guilty about, really? It's consumed and strangled her so intensely that she hasn't been able to face Will, not since falling asleep beside him at the hospital. Alicia glances up from her case files, and peers through the glass panels at Florrick, Agos and Associates to see Diane walking towards her office. "Diane! What are you doing here?" She asks as she stands, pleasantly surprised.

"I should ask you the same thing, why aren't you taking some more time off?" Diane chastises gently.

"I just... needed to get back to work." And it's not a lie, work is the only part of her life she can manage to even think about without panicking. Diane raises an eyebrow but doesn't object.

"I haven't seen you over at the hospital this week, so I just wanted to see how you were doing."

_Oh, how am I doing? Well I don't sleep for more than half an hour at a time, I'm surviving on coffee, my head hasn't stopped hurting since I was knocked out by a handgun, Will hates me because I betrayed him in order to try and fix my marriage - which by the way is still a mess because I'm a cheat and my husband can't seem to avoid a nice juicy scandal - and to top it all off Will has to go and nearly die because of me._

"I'm fine," Alicia tries to say calmly.

"Have you spoken to Will lately?" Diane asks.

"I... not really."

"You should, he wants to see you and I think it would really... help."

"He's said that? That he wants to see me?" Alicia asks dubiously.

"Well, no not explicitly," Diane confesses. "But he wouldn't admit something like that to me."

"Look... I wish him a speedy recovery, I really do," Alicia sighs. "But I'm sure he's just fine without me there. He has no reason to suddenly bury the hatchet and… forgive me - what happened doesn't change that."

"That may be true, but you'll solve nothing by avoiding the situation altogether." Deep down, Alicia knows that she's right. But all she can do is shake her head and inhale with her eyes closed.

"Diane. I have the Office of Public Integrity on my back, and the police want to know every detail about this shooting, and I just - I can't do this right now." She says, voice cracking as tears sting at her eyes.

"Oh Alicia," Diane soothes, placing her hand on Alicia's shoulder. "Listen, are you... talking to anyone about this? A professional?"

"I'll be fine, I just need a second when things don't feel like they're spinning out of control," Alicia dismisses with as much confidence as she can muster.

"This is exactly why you need to see someone. Why not Ruby at the hospital? She seemed to really want to help you," Diane suggests.

_Ruby, as in 'your desires matter' lady? Ruby, the one who looks just barely finished with her adolescence? No way in hell._

"I'll think about it _,"_  Alicia assures her. This seems to satisfy Diane who bids her goodbye, but she suddenly halts and turns around before she leaves.

"It's my fault," Diane blurts. Alicia looks back up, meeting Diane's eyes with a confused expression. "It's my fault Will broke up with you. About 2 years ago? I asked him to stop seeing you. I'm sorry, it was just too complicated with you working together at the firm. It would've become... ugly. I was just trying to avoid that. But you no longer work for him, and I just-"

"Diane," Alicia cuts off her rambling with a sigh. "Will didn't break up with me. If anything, it was the opposite. He was very understanding, but really I was the one who… broke it off with him."

"You-you were?" Diane asks incredulously.

"Yes, I was, Will told you that it was him?"

"Well, I... I suppose he didn't. I must've assumed, and he just didn't challenge it..."

Alicia is simply  _thrilled_  - no really, she's just so ecstatic _-_ that Diane is finally ridding herself of this guilt and projecting it onto her. It's just another reminder of Alicia's past mistakes. Another reminder that she can't do anything right.

* * *

 Alicia stalks into the kitchen and discovers Peter standing at the counter. She glances over briefly as she passes him, her eyes dark and hollow. The concerned look on his face suggests that she looks just as terrible as she feels.

"You okay?" Peter asks.

"I really wish everyone would stop asking me that, I'm fine," Alicia responds emotionlessly she fills a glass of water from the sink, not looking at her husband. She'd rather not deal with the mess that is their marriage, not tonight.

"I fixed it," Peter begins, changing the subject after a drawn-out silence. "Justice, the ballot boxes. They're prosecuting Jim Moody. They don't have enough evidence to go after me, as long as Will doesn't break attorney-client privilege." Alicia still doesn't look up at the mention of Will, just rolls her eyes.

"Alicia, the way you're handling this Will thing..."

"I'm doing... my best." Alicia insists, cutting him off.

"Oh, well, if this is your best, then I think we need to talk." Alicia just gapes at her husband, who raises his eyebrows condescendingly and continues. "Look, he didn't die. You didn't lose your friend, or your child. You didn't lose your husband." He says, placing a hand on his chest.

Alicia looks up at her husband in an almost sarcastic sadness. "I lost my husband a  _long time_  ago."

"Oh, my - You  _cannot_  go back there," he orders, pointing his finger at her.

"I don't have to. I'm still living it, every day." Alicia's not sure what she should be more concerned about - the fact that she's lying, because she really doesn't care whose toes Peter sucked on, or the fact that she's milking this for all it's worth, just to get a rise out of him. And she does.

"Oh, my God - How many times do I have to tell you?" He hisses, which turns into a bark. "When I cheated, it didn't mean anything!"

"Well, then that was a waste," she starts in a low voice, slamming her glass on the counter. "Because when I cheated, it did!" There is a moment of silence, as the two glare at each other across the kitchen counter. For a split second, she regrets her words and panic flushes through her, but luckily Peter doesn't dwell on the hypocrisy of this admission. He's probably too inflamed with jealousy, which is exactly what Alicia intended. Another very concerning sign for their marriage.

"Well if you think your life would've been better with Will, you are kidding yourself-"

"Stop it, Peter!"

"No! I'm not gonna let you throw away this marriage because you have some idealized notion of a man who you're not even sure cares about you!" He accuses with a mocking scowl.

"You're a bastard," she spits.

"And you're a selfish  _bitch_! But you know what?!" Peter barks. "We're all that we have."

Alicia fixes her husband with a dark, murderous stare. What a comfort - he's all that she has. She wants to tell him that if this is true, if all they really have is each other, then she'd rather have nothing. Nothing at all. She leans back on the kitchen bench and looks away. For a moment, when it seems that she may cry, Peter backs down in somber guilt. But Alicia takes a breath and steels herself.

"No," she shakes her head. "Not anymore. Don't worry, I'm not gonna divorce you. You're too valuable to me professionally, just like I am to you. But we're not gonna see each other anymore. Not unless we have to. If you need me at a political event, you call the office. My assistant will put it on my calendar."

"Really?" Peter asks condescendingly with raised eyebrows.

"I'm not finished," she snaps. "You are free to see and sleep with whomever you like, but I don't want to know. And under no circumstances are our  _children_  to know. Understood?" At this, Peter leans forward with a challenging glare.

"Is this because  _you_  want to sleep with someone else? With Will?!" Instantly, Alicia knows that Peter has lost this fight. Whenever he's been put in his place, whenever he feels demoralized and has nothing left to strike with, he will resort to cheap shots like -  _Is this about Will?_ And she knows that she shouldn't bite, she shouldn't give him the satisfaction of a reaction, but low blows such as this are what really get to her. He did the same thing when she kicked him out for sleeping with Kalinda, and it made her sick to her stomach. Now, it crawls under her skin and boils her blood.

"Get out of my house, Peter. Get-" Alicia stops herself before she screams. Or throws her glass at him. She just grabs it and storms back to her bedroom.


	6. In the Dirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the Dirt - S. Carey.
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaDncGbTo9w  
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/1UhchFN6xBcdul8QVtgQMl

* * *

2 am. Usually by now she would have dozed off lightly, only to wake in a sweat from nightmares of bullets flying into Will's chest, and the blood on her hands. Alicia can't say she wishes for that kind of sleep again tonight. But she's just so  _tired_.

She puts on a coat, leaves her now empty apartment, and just drives. She ends up at Chicago General Hospital - of course. After resting her head on the steering wheel for a few minutes, she walks into the hospital and through the halls to Will's room. She doesn't go in, just sees his resting figure, the heart rate monitor, his chest rising and falling steadily, all through the window on the door.

_He's okay._

She lets out a deep breath, as her back collides with the wall and she slides down until she's sitting on the floor. She hears light, hasty footsteps approaching along the hallway. Alicia plans to keep her head between her knees until they walk past. That is, until...

"Alicia?" She instinctively lifts her head at the sound of her name. Stupid. She should've just pretended to be asleep, now she has to talk. To Ruby. Alicia prepares herself for a seemingly endless ramble from the young therapist. But all that the girl exclaims is, "Well, don't you look like hell."

Alicia snorts. "Thanks. I try." This earns a laugh from Ruby, who offers a hand to help Alicia up from the floor. Figuring she has no other choice, the exhausted lawyer sighs and takes it.

"Come with me," the young woman beckons, and Alicia just doesn't have the energy to make excuses or argue or even go back to her car and drive home.

"Do you ever sleep?" Alicia asks Ruby incredulously. "I know how that sounds coming from me - but it's 2 in the morning, so. What could you possibly be doing at this hour?"

"If you must know, I was just with a couple grieving the sudden loss of their 3-year-old girl." This momentarily wakes Alicia right up. Her eyes widen as she looks over at the small woman walking alongside her.

"That - I can't... how can you bear that?" Alicia asks in disbelief.

"That's exactly it, I don't have to bear it. Their loss is not about me," Ruby explains, and Alicia's brows furrow. "Of course it's unimaginably sad what they're going through. But I focus on helping them, I don't dwell on their pain. I can't."

"That's understandable, I guess." As Alicia says this, they come to a stop. "Dr. Ruby Lawrence? You're a doctor?" She asks, pointing to the name of the door they arrive at.

"We've been through this!" Ruby chastises teasingly. "I'm not a medical doctor, but yes. Did you not think you could own skinny jeans and a Ph.D. at the same time?" Ruby grins at the surprised look on Alicia's face, as they enter one of the least hospital-looking hospital rooms Alicia has probably ever seen. There are welcoming soft couches, some plants, a beautiful landscape painting, and even the standard hospital bed has colorful pillows. Ruby opens a cupboard next to the desk and pulls out... chamomile tea.

"So I didn't manage to speak to you before you were discharged. I figured you would come back, with Will being here and all, but I haven't seen you around," Ruby comments as she prepares two cups with the boiler mounted above the sink.

"I've been busy, I guess." Alicia tries to say nonchalantly.

"Of course, of course, no rest for the wicked. Although I'm gathering you're not this tired just because have a load of work to do. Drink up, you can't refuse tea from a Brit," Ruby insists, placing a cup of tea into Alicia's hands.

"Have you ever seen me not looking absolutely sleep deprived or just plain terrible?" Alicia asks wryly.

"Well, I've seen you on TV before," Ruby offers.

"What, when my husband was caught in a sex scandal? I was sleep-deprived then, as well." Alicia retorts, rolling her eyes as she takes a sip.

"That's a fair point. I manage to catch you at your finest moments, don't I?" Ruby comments with a teasing smile, raising her own tea to her lips. Alicia chuckles and shakes her head.

"Oh, well my whole life is just a continuous series of fine, exceptional moments."

Ruby barks out a laugh. "So one disaster after the other?"

"Yep," Alicia nods dryly.

"And what's the most recent one then?"

"Well..." Alicia starts. "I'm a selfish bitch. That's according to my husband, at least." She uses a wry smile to cover the sadness behind her words. Ruby simply frowns.

"And why do you think he called you that?"

Alicia lets out a sigh. It's going to be a very long night.

* * *

_She feels warm, wet kisses trailing up her neck. It's Will, she can tell. It's obvious by the smell of his cologne, the way his hands feel creeping up under her blouse, heating every inch of skin that he touches. She gasps as he gently pulls on her earlobe with his teeth._

Alicia stirs with a deep breath through her nose, eyes still closed. That was strange, the first time she'd dreamt of anything besides the shooting since it happened. Remembering where she is, she instantly springs upright on the couch and looks around. No Ruby. Where is she? The young counselor then makes a perfectly-timed entry into the room.

"Morning, sleepyhead."

"What time is it?" Alicia asks quickly, ignoring Ruby's amused expression.

"A bit after 10," Ruby responds. Alicia's eyes widen dramatically and she rushes to grab her things.

"Shoot! I have a meeting at-"

"Stop, stop," Ruby cuts her off. "I've spoken to Diane. She's called... Corey?"

"Cary," Alicia hurriedly corrects.

"Yes, Cary, and he insists that he'll be fine without you today."

"But..." Alicia mutters, worry still etched on her face. Ruby walks over and puts her hand on the lawyer's shoulder.

"No buts. You didn't get a proper sleep until late and you needed it. Sit down." Alicia sighs but does as she's told, encouraged by Ruby's hand gently pushing her down.

"I don't feel like talking again right now," Alicia insists. "Last night was..."

"I know, I know. It's always emotionally draining when you begin to talk it out with someone. You need to eat though, so I smuggled out the only good stuff that the cafeteria has," Ruby announces proudly, handing her a tray.

"Oh... thanks."

"No problem, I figured you wouldn't want any of the junk I keep in my cupboard. Not for breakfast anyway." Alicia smiles in response, picking up an apple and biting into it. As she eats, Ruby goes over to her desk and sorts through some paperwork. Alicia shakes her head in disbelief.

"So you really don't sleep, do you?"

"I did get some sleep, you just weren't awake to see it," Ruby laughs in response, nodding to the other couch with a pillow and blanket. "I essentially live here when it's my on-days, so I don't get much sleep. But for the rest of the week when I'm off, I hibernate basically." Alicia raises her eyebrows at this, watching the young woman return to her paperwork. What a crazy schedule. After a few moments of silence, Alicia's thoughts return to Will. They always do. Ruby notices, of course, but surprisingly doesn't push. In fact, it's Alicia who brings it up.

"How is he?" Alicia can't help but ask. She doesn't have to clarify who  _he_  is.

"You'll have to find that out for yourself," Ruby replies in a casual tone, but her words are weighted and make Alicia heat up in frustration. After receiving a glare, Ruby sighs and gives her a legitimate answer. "He's fine, or so I've been told - he's assigned to another therapist. I bet he misses you."

"Don't."

"Alicia, he needs you to be there for him!" Ruby cries. "And YOU need him too. That's what will keep you from falling apart! You need to see him. He's getting discharged soon and-"

"No," Alicia shakes her head aggressively. "I'm not doing this."

"You have to lean on each other, and in order to do that you have to get over this fear of not being-"

"I'm not doing this," Alicia repeats more forcefully through gritted teeth. "I can't."

"Hey, hey. Take a deep breath." Ruby comes and sits next to Alicia, placing a soothing arm around her shoulders. "I probably need to chill out as well," She adds in a mumble, making the lawyer let out a wet laugh. "We all need... to take a deep breath."

So Alicia does. She feels Ruby's cheek resting on her head. And she breathes.

* * *

Ruby is getting absolutely nowhere with Alicia, even though she's finally talking. She needs to work with Will too - getting inside his head may help. Holland would never allow it.

She asks him anyway. Usually Ruby is particularly good at knowing how and when to ask for things. This time, however, she gets too worked up and starts babbling, flying off the handle and turning it into an argument.

"I know they're separate cases and I'm not assigned to Will but they were involved in the same incident and I've been talking with Alicia a lot about these issues she's been-"

"No. This is when I talk and you listen." Holland says calmly, and he doesn't have to raise his voice at all for Ruby to stop. "Remember what I said? About you becoming too involved? Well that's clearly happened here, and it's my fault, I should've put my foot down with this earlier. But you will no longer work on any case involved with this shooting."

"But Alicia-"

"Mrs. Florrick," Holland corrects, "will be assigned to Lorraine. That's if she decides to continue with this aftercare program."

"She won't, not if it's some random shrink she doesn't trust, she's barely agreeing to talk to me! Where's the continuity of care, huh?" Ruby hisses.

"And where is Will's if you take over his case?"

"Oh, like you would know. Don't forget who is actually doing the counseling here, Holland, this clinic would be  _nothing_  without me. You may delegate and get government funding, but you know very well that it's ME who is on the ground helping these people. I'm the best chance she has." Ruby has reached boiling point. She doesn't care that her flying off the handle isn't helping her case, she has had enough.

"I appreciate that you are a leader amongst the others, and that you're enthusiastic about your patients. But I'm not budging on this, sorry Roo."

Ruby feels angry tears stinging at her eyes, so all she can do is storm off, kicking a wall on the way. She ignores the fact that she's probably so upset because Holland is right. Holland can kiss her ass.


	7. Real Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real Love - Beach House
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBDXI5wJBuw
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/06xnHwEBsDxhtWS7n0Q9ch

* * *

Alicia's heart is thumping aggressively in her chest. She stands in the hallway, hands clenching into fists as she sees a nurse pushing Will along in a wheelchair. He looks a lot brighter and healthier than when she last saw him, albeit distant, slightly frowning off into space until he glances up briefly. Will double takes when he sees Alicia's figure, and his now widened eyes don't leave her. This is when he seems to decide that he needs to get  _out_  of the wheelchair, slowly but surely coming to a stand with the help of the nurse.

"Hi," is all Alicia can say, and it comes out barely a whisper. They simply stare at each other for a moment, taking each other in. She must look dreadful.

Alicia slowly closes the distance between them by taking a step forwards. She wraps an arm around the back of his neck, carefully avoiding his sling as her chin rests on his shoulder. Alicia feels Will's good arm circle around her waist. She doesn't know how long they stay like that, maybe five minutes, maybe five years, until she feels moisture on the skin of her neck. Is he crying? Alicia's eyes clamp shut to avoid tears of her own, but they fall anyway. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she whispers into his hair.

* * *

Ruby stands in the hallway, watching Alicia and Will from a distance. Seeing their embrace is enough to make her forget about all the crap that happened in the lead up to this moment. It's all worth it to see Alicia grab a bag of his things, brushing shoulders with Will as they slowly head back into his hospital room. Sometime later, they emerge again - this time Dr. Holland is also with them. He spots Ruby down the hall and excuses himself.

"Will agreed to have Alicia stay at his place and help out for a bit," Holland informs Ruby quietly as he appears next to her. "I believe his words were, 'Anyone but my sisters.'"

Ruby snorts out a laugh at this, still watching the pair. Holland puts a hand on her shoulder and continues. "They would've reconciled, with or without our influence. You just needed to let them, in their own time." Ruby hears his words but doesn't process them, too intently focused on the pair as they exit the hospital.

They're in love. She can tell. The way Alicia smiles at her feet - the way Will smiles at  _her_.

Her heart aches to know their story, to understand them better. But she'll probably never see them again. And besides, what Ruby sees between Will and Alicia carries more than words could ever tell.

* * *

Awkward. That's what this is. Alicia has never felt awkward in her life around Will, not even after they stopped seeing each other - she's always been at ease with him. That is until now, stepping into Will's apartment and holding the door as he hobbles through using a walking cane. Once he crosses the threshold, she lets the door shut and stands there with her hands clasping and unclasping each other. Awkwardly.

"Sorry, I would've cleaned up a bit, but..." Will trails off, switching on the lights with his one uninjured arm and looking over at dishes in his sink that wouldn't have been touched since before the shooting.

"It's fine," Alicia insists, jumping at the opportunity to actually  _do_  something. She immediately walks around to the sink and turns the tap on.

"Alicia you don't have to-"

"It's what I'm here for, to help you out. Seriously, go sit down. The doctors said you still need to rest," she reminds him with a slight smile. Realising that any argument is pointless, Will sighs and does as he's told. By the time Alicia has finished the dishes and done some minor tidying, Will looks more than half-asleep on the couch. She kneels down to him and squeezes his good shoulder. "Will, why don't you go to bed. Falling asleep on the couch can't be good for your injuries." He stirs and slowly sits up, squinting his tired eyes. Alicia wants to caress his face and run her hands through his hair, but she settles for helping him up into a standing position instead. As he hobbles over towards his bedroom, Alicia tries to steady her breathing and ease the pressure on her chest. She should never have let Ruby convince her to do this.

Once Will has had a shower and is actually ready to sleep, it's nearly 10 at night. That's not late at all by Alicia's standards, but as soon as she sits down on Will's couch, her eyes begin to get heavy. Will then emerges from the bathroom, making her spring up and take in a deep breath.

"What were you saying about not falling asleep on the couch?" Will asks teasingly.

"That was directed at you, because of your arm," she retorts, assuming that she would be on the couch.

"I'm not banishing you out here Alicia, I know first hand of the damage this sofa can do to your back."

Alicia freezes. "Are you - are you saying…"

"Well, it's not like we haven't shared a bed before," Will shrugs casually. He avoids her eyes, which is probably a good thing. They glaze over as memories of passionate moments they've previously shared between the sheets overtake Alicia's mind. No, it certainly isn't anything they haven't done before. In fact, they've shared Will's bed, the very bed they are discussing, many times. Her thoughts are interrupted as Will continues. "If you'd rather the couch, that's fine. But, uh, it doesn't have to… mean anything." Alicia nods in understanding, her mind running a million miles an hour.

"I'll… think about it."

This inevitably means that she ends up on the sofa, tossing and turning. Will didn't lie, it's not a nice couch to sleep on. These days it takes a lot for Alicia to get to sleep in the first place, and that's with a good bed to sleep in. By midnight, she is seriously regretting her decision. What exactly was she worried about? With Will's injuries, it's not like anything would have happened between them anyway. There's suddenly a thump and crash from Will's room, accompanied by some groans of pain, startling Alicia who is off the couch immediately and rushing to the bedroom. She finds him on the floor, next to his bed and a broken lamp, and his walking stick.

"Will, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I just wanted some water." Alicia turns on the light and rushes over to help him up.

"Here, let me-"

"I can do it," Will snaps. She retracts, startled. He uses his good arm to hoist himself up, but his hand slips and he drops to the floor again. He doesn't try a second time, just covers his face with his good hand. Alicia can still see his face crumple behind it, and her heart aches at the sight.

"Oh, Will." Rather than helping him up, she sits down on the floor next to him and puts a hand on his back.

"I'm sorry," Will grumbles. "Sorry for being an ass. And for waking you."

"Oh, you didn't wake me. You were right about the sofa…" Alicia admits.

"It sucks, right?"

"Yeah," she agrees with a laugh.

"Not that I'm getting much sleep in here, either," Will confesses in a grumble.

Alicia helps to bring him up into a standing position, before announcing proudly, "I've got  _just_  the thing for us." Ruby had left a whole box of chamomile tea bags with her, as she has now grown very fond of the beverage.

Alicia returns carrying two steaming cups and without any hesitation or consideration, she sits cross-legged on the bed beside Will. She can't pinpoint exactly when it happens during the evening, but the pressure around her chest eases -  _this_  is who she and Will really are. Talking about everything and nothing, as the early morning hours creep up on them. She's so relieved that this trauma hasn't changed that about their relationship.

"I really thought he was innocent," Will says, shaking his head. "In fact, I still do. He's just a messed up kid, Alicia. But lying there after being shot... I've nev- I've never felt that close to death before. It's the first time I've actually thought I would die."

"I can't even imagine what that was like," Alicia muses solemnly. She turns on her side to face Will - somehow she's ended up lying down on the bed next to him. "What... what goes through your mind in a moment like that? What were you thinking about?" Will chuckles wryly and shakes his head. "What?" Alicia asks with a confused smile.

"Nothing," he dismisses. "So I'm assuming you've changed your mind about the sofa?"

"You'll have to carry me out there yourself if you want me to move now," Alicia mumbles into the pillow, making Will chuckle. Her heavy eyes flutter closed, and she's not even under the covers because pulling them up over herself is just so much  _effort._

"Alicia?" Will asks, barely a whisper. She's too tired to open her eyes or respond, on the brink of sleep. Just before it takes her completely, she hears Will's quiet voice one last time that night.

_"I was thinking about you."_


	8. Settle Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Settle Down - Kimbra 
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHV04eSGzAA
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/0hsOsyEaEI8634JYkH3kZS

* * *

Alicia stirs slightly as she gains consciousness. She hears none of Will's soft snores, but can feel his warmth next to her so he mustn't be gone. They have been waking up closer and closer to each other every morning, and while they don't talk about it, Alicia savors this time and pretends to still be asleep. Just for a few moments, her eyes remain closed to enjoy the feeling of Will's arm over her waist, or her cheek resting on his shoulder. No matter where she is when she first falls asleep, they always end up half on top of each other by the morning. Will graciously never mentions it, and Alicia doesn't fight it, because feeling him next to her is what helps her sleep through the whole night. She's sure of it. Ruby was right - Will might need her help as an extra set of hands around the apartment, but Alicia needs him even more. She is staying afloat by focusing on his recovery. Over the past three days, they've formed somewhat of a routine. Once they've both risen and eaten breakfast, she'll head to work, sometimes dropping him off at PT, sometimes returning with files she's picked up from Lockhart/Gardner to give to Will. It's essentially her way of trying to repair the damage that she's caused - the professional damage at least. And finally, their evenings are filled with endless chatter, warm duvets, lots of laughter - and of course, chamomile tea.

Alicia slowly climbs out of bed and looks over at Will's sleeping figure under the duvet as she heads towards the kitchen. They haven't talked about it. Them, that is. Being together. It's almost an unspoken agreement. 'Let's focus on Will's recovery, and dealing with this... this thing that's happened. Then we can talk.' And Will is recovering well, he's headed to work for the first time today. This means that Alicia is in a sticky situation, however. Does she go back to her own apartment now that he's up and walking around a lot more? Sure, she was needed as he adjusted to being back at home, but now he's doing a lot better and she feels a little useless.

"Morning." Her thoughts are interrupted as she jumps at the sound of Will's voice.

"Good morning. Feel like pancakes?"

"Always," Will grins sleepily. Seeing him like this after he's just woken up makes her chest tighten longingly. He grabs a bowl and a pan, and Alicia would insist that he go sit down but she knows he will refuse. She also enjoys having him there as they shuffle around the kitchen together, so she doesn't protest.

"So how are you feeling about your first day back? Nervous?" Alicia asks to make conversation.

"Are you kidding me? It can't come sooner, I think I'll go crazy if I have to stay holed up here any longer. This is worse than my suspension," Will complains light-heartedly, but his face quickly falls. "Not that you being here isn't-" his quick attempt to backtrack is cut off by Alicia.

"Will it's okay, I get it," she insists with a smile. "I'm glad you're excited to get back into things. Just, take it easy at first, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Alicia rolls her eyes at his teasing, but then she's distracted by the feeling of Will brushing past behind her to grab something next to her. Alicia turns around at the same time, finding herself facing Will, trapped between him and the kitchen counter. Well. This is... Alicia can't think. She becomes intoxicated by being so close to him, by the feeling of his breath on her cheek. They stay like that for a moment, just staring at each other. It would be so easy to just lean forward a little further, close the distance between them and reacquaint herself with the feeling of his lips. "Alicia…" He starts. But they're both interrupted by a few knocks on the door.

"Who's that?" Alicia mouths, self-consciously wrapping her cardigan tighter around herself.

"Probably just Kalinda, she said she'd be stopping by. Come in, it's open!" He calls, stepping away from Alicia. She's sighs, relieved to be released from this dangerous yet addictive pull that Will seems to have on her. She's also relieved that it's only Kalinda knocking at the door. Except it's not Kalinda who walks into the apartment.

"Sara? Aubrey? What the hell are you guys doing here?" Will goes over to greet his sisters. Alicia smiles at the scene, unable to tell whether he's happy to see them or not. She then becomes hyper-aware of her own appearance. She looks... well, like she's just woken up. She has no makeup on, messy hair, and she's wearing some of Will's long pajama pants that are too big for her because she was cold. Will's sisters then seem to notice that they're not the only ones with him in his apartment. They fix their brother with curious but excited gazes, which then turn to Alicia.

"Hi… So, you and our little brother, huh?" The seemingly oldest sister questions with a grin. "Well actually, just my little brother. Aubrey here is youngest."

"Um…" Alicia is lost for words. Luckily Will saves her.

"Don't even start, I'm serious. And what are you guys doing here, I thought you went back home?"

"We did, but we got bored of that. Plus you need help getting back on your feet, Willy!" Aubrey insists.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?" Sara asks. Will lets out an exasperated sigh.

"This is Alicia, who has been kind enough to help me out recently, so I could get discharged early and you guys wouldn't  _need_  to be here. Alicia, meet my overbearing sisters." She shakes hands with the two women, and Aubrey gives her a kind smile. Sara, however, seems a little more intimidating. She eyes Alicia suspiciously, causing her to heat up in embarrassment. She looks like an absolute mess.

"I should get dressed," Alicia announces, nervously pulling on her cardigan.

"Sorry we interrupted your morning, we didn't know Will would have company," Aubrey apologizes.

"Oh don't be silly, we were just about to make pancakes if you want to stay and eat with us?" Alicia offers. Will instantly turns to her panicked, and mouths, 'No, no!'

"We would love to," Sara responds pointedly, rolling her eyes at Will. As Alicia heads off to the bedroom, she hears Sara remarking to Will that the kitchen looks nicer with a woman's touch. Leaning back on the closed door, Alicia lets out a large breath of air. Why is she so nervous? She can do this. She can totally do this.

* * *

"So…" Alicia begins with a grin, turning to face Will who's washing dishes in the kitchen. "Should I start calling you 'Willy' from now on?"

"Don't you dare. Not unless you want me to tell everyone  _your_ nickname in college."

She gasps exaggeratedly at this threat from Will. "You wouldn't."

"Wait, you went to college with him? You're  _Georgetown_  Alicia?!" Aubrey cries from the living area.

"Um, I guess so?" Alicia turns her questioning gaze to Will, but he's too busy glaring at his younger sister.

Sara then decides to chime in. "Wow, he was totally wild about you in college. Obviously still is."

"Okay," Will interrupts loudly, "that's enough. I need to go and get dressed but I don't want to leave Alicia here alone with you. Who knows what stories you'll spin."

"Oh don't be silly, we'll be fine," Alicia grins. "Besides I have to go to work now, it's nearly 9 o'clock."

"Right, well..."

"We'll give you a minute," Aubrey blurts and drags Sarah away.

Will let's out a sigh and faces Alicia as she grabs her handbag and keys. "I'm sorry about them."

"Oh don't be, they're great. Intense, but... great."

"That's one way to put it. Well have a good day," he replies with a soft smile, following Alicia over to the door.

"I feel weird just leaving you in the apartment alone," she confesses, starting to ramble. "Well you've got your sisters, but still... Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride to work? I can be a little late-"

"Trust me it'll be fine here. I won't be able to sneeze without them knowing, and scrutinizing," he jokes, placing a hand on her shoulder. He lets it run down her arm, and Alicia's breath hitches. Why does she get like this from a simple touch of Will's hand?

"Will..."

"I know. We- we should talk. Obviously not now, but... when things settle down."

"Yes of course," Alicia assures. She squeezes his hand and whispers, "Bye, Will."

* * *

Alicia knows she's running late, but she just needs a minute in the car as she steadies her breathing and collects her thoughts - hell, collects  _herself_. They're in serious danger of going back to how things were before - all the back-and-forth, the uncertainty, misinterpreted actions, longing gazes. She can't do this again. It has to be all or nothing. She needs to figure out exactly what the hell she wants and settle this. Once and for all.


	9. J'Accuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> J'Accuse - David Buckley
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR7cp3BEvrQ
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/0EI4bEKjxDOnDHR2LmIYgo

* * *

"Mr. Grant, this is Cary Agos. Mr. Grant has a case, and he's without representation."

Alicia walks past the conference room at Florrick, Agos and Associates, and nearly stops in her tracks at the sight of Jeffrey Grant's father. That man has a lot of nerve showing up here. Or is he unaware that Alicia was nearly another gunshot victim of his son? She silently continues to eavesdrop as she removes her coat and scarf.

"Yes. Listen, I don't think my son's responsible for this shooting. Jeffrey was out of his mind. The State's Attorney's office prosecuted him for a crime he didn't commit. That's what forced him to grab the gun. It's the state's attorney that's at fault, and I want to sue them."

"Sue them for?"

"Wrongful prosecution."

Alicia's mind begins to cloud, and wander back to the shooting. All of a sudden she's on the courtroom floor again, leaning over a bleeding Will. She can still see the fear in his eyes, she can still feel the panic surging through her veins.

"A wrongful prosecution suit is extremely hard to win." Cary's voice snaps her out of it, and she turns to exchange a look with him.

"Yes, except that he's already had a meeting with the state's attorney."

"Yes, Castro. He came to my house." This causes Alicia to advance towards the conference room, and make herself present in the conversation.

"He apologized, he assured me that heads would roll in his department."

"He wants this to be over. He wants to clear the decks."

Carey Zepps then acknowledges her presence. "Uh, Mr. Grant, you know Alicia Florrick?"

"Yes. Mrs. Florrick, hello."

"Hello."

"You were very nice to Jeffrey," he says solemnly. It almost makes her sick, and she has to turn away.

"All right, so let's take a step back and discuss the idea of you filing suit," Carey begins as Alicia begins to consider what Mr. Grant has said. "Cary's going to tell you there's a very high bar for a wrongful prosecution, which is true-"

"What heads?" She interrupts, as she strides back into the conference room.

"What?" Mr. Grant asks.

"You said Castro said, "Heads would roll." Which heads?"

"Well he didn't say, is that important to the suit?" Mr. Grant demands, looking over to the two men sitting across from him.

"No, we're just getting more of a sense of the facts."

Cary follows her back into her office and asks, "Why? Why'd you ask that?"

"We can't take this case," she insists.

"Because of Will? Oh, well we just - we have to listen. He'll just take the case to someone else."

"Cary, listen to me. You take this case, I quit the firm." She says it matter-of-factly, not raising her voice but making herself very clear.

"Woah, woah. Listen Alicia, don't you think that this guy was wrongfully prosecuted?"

Alicia pauses at this. "That's not the point-"

"That's exactly the point! If he wasn't wrongfully prosecuted, which you believe he was, then none of this would've happened," Cary argues.

"That doesn't mean he should get a payout, as reward for shooting up a courtroom!"

"I know, I know. Look let me just hear him out first, and then we can talk about money. I'm not saying what happened in that courtroom is alright. In fact, it's the opposite. Something went really wrong here, Alicia. Let's find out why." Alicia lets out a sigh. Cary is such a lawyer.

He returns later with the information that Mr. Grant is not interested in the money, he simply wants his son's name to be cleared - of murder, at least. How is Will going to take this? Yes Jeffrey shot him, but Will is passionately adamant that he's a troubled, yet innocent man. Alicia knows from their long, late-night conversations they always end up having before going to sleep. She smiles and remembers another time they discussed these lawsuits against the State's Attorney's office. Back when things were more... well, she doesn't know. They were just different.

* * *

_"Diane came over to my apartment," Alicia informs Will as she kicks off her pumps and removes her blazer. "She told me that Peter is considering Lockhart/Gardner as outside counsel, for civil cases against the_ _State's Attorney's office_ _." He nods and loosens his tie as he sits on the edge of the hotel bed. Alicia can't help but join him, going to sit on his lap. "He wants_ _the firm to open its books," She continues quietly, worriedly._

_Will smiles softly and brushes a lock of hair from her forehead. "I know."_

_"I... I said she probably shouldn't," Alicia admits, but Will is too busy running his hands up her back, and pressing kisses to her neck. "Honestly, I'm not sure what he's after. And an audit might turn out to be problematic. Are you listening to me?" The laughter in her voice suggests that she doesn't really mind either way. But Will seems to realize that she's not exactly in the mood for sex, or she won't be until her mind is at ease._

_He smiles and lets out a sigh as he lies down on the bed. Alicia goes with him easily, laying her head on his chest. "Yeah, I'm listening. It's probably for the best, not pitching to Peter. The only benefit was the money it'd bring in. I didn't really wanna represent the SA's Office anyway."_

_"Because of Peter?" Alicia asks meekly._

_Will chuckles. "Yeah because of Peter, but that's not all. Malicious prosecution suits help to keep the State's Attorney's office accountable," Will says, and looks over to Alicia who is lightly grazing her fingertips over his arm. "I mean, you see the people who come to us for representation. So many of them are charged with crimes they didn't even commit." She wriggles slightly to get more comfortable, and closes her eyes, nuzzling further into his chest. "Of course, not all of them are innocent - and the prosecutorial system has its place. But there needs to be a balance. Are you listening to me?_ _"_

_Alicia opens her eyes and grins at Will. He turns them over, making Alicia squeal and giggle as she's trapped between him and the bed. She wraps an arm around the back of his neck to pull him closer and whisper in his ear, "That's supposed to be my line."_

_"Why are we whispering?" Will asks in a whisper, forehead now pressed to hers. Alicia smiles and runs a hand through his hair, before bringing it down to caress Will's face. He presses a lingering, tender kiss on her lips. Now, now she's at ease._

* * *

Alicia smiles to herself, lost in the memory. A phone ringing nearby draws her back to reality again. Surely Will should understand why she's representing the Grants. She'll just need to discuss it with him first, and explain it in the same way that Cary did. And then there's also the question of how much longer she'll be staying at his apartment.

As it turns out, she doesn't need to have that awkward conversation or make a decision about when she should go. It's decided for her.

"Hey you, how was your first day back?" Alicia asks, smiling as she enters the apartment and sees Will on the couch.

"You're representing the Grants?" Is all he asks. Alicia blanches.

"I, uh - Will I wanted to talk about that with you... wait - how did you know already?"

"Oh, that's the best part. Mr. Grant and I had a nice talk this afternoon. A real, pleasant talk," Will spits sarcastically, taking a sip of bourbon that Alicia only now realizes is there.

"Will, should you be drinking? With your medication and you're still-" Alicia is cut off by Will's glass slamming on the counter.

"Who the  _hell_  are you to tell m- no, no." He takes in a deep breath, visibly composing himself before he continues in a low voice. "Just get out, Alicia. Grab your things and get out of my apartment."

"Will, please let me explain-" He's not hearing any of it though. He wordlessly enters the bathroom, and Alicia hears the shower start. The unspoken ' _I want you gone once I get out'_ makes tears sting Alicia's eyes. There's nothing she can do right now.

By the time she's in her car, her cheeks are splotchier than ever. She wipes at them as she phones the only person she can think of.

"Alicia?"

"Kalinda - Kalinda can you please... check on Will." Alicia's voice breaks as she speaks over the phone. "I don't think he should be drinking with his injuries and his medication and he's having a shower." She is just babbling at this point, nearly incoherent as she begins to cry.

"Alicia what's going on, is he at his apartment?"

"Yes."

"Are you there too?"

She clears her throat and takes a breath. "I'm - I'm in the parking lot."

"Stay there, I'll be about ten minutes."

Alicia is about to tell her not to worry, knowing she is probably at a bar somewhere with better things to do than deal with all of this mess. But Kalinda has already hung up and Alicia doesn't know who else she'd call.


	10. Was There Anything I Could Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was There Anything I Could Do - Missy Higgins 
> 
> Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmHJ8q2QFRc
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/album/6bszUJ6wEV81mqvTTDpXYm

* * *

"He left two messages. But I only got one. And I'm pretty sure he lied about the second one. Why would he lie?" Alicia asks Kalinda in slurred words, staring intently into her now empty shot glass. How dare this glass be empty. She says as much, and smiles at Kalinda when she signals to the bartender for two more. She likes Kalinda. Kalinda always makes sure she has enough tequila. "You're such a good friend. Well, that is when you're not sleeping with my husband." The investigator looks down awkwardly at her last comment. "I'm sorry. It's in the past now. Just like that  _stupid_  voicemail."

"I'm still not sure what you mean," Kalinda says with a laugh. "So you got two messages but one is gone?"

Alicia scowls into her glass again. "My stupid phone gobbles things."

"Voicemails don't just disappear, Alicia."

"I know!" She cries animatedly. "So what happened to it?"

"Did anyone else have your phone? What were you doing when he rang?" Ah, Kalinda. Always in investigator mode, even when inebriated. The inebriated investigator.

"Well I was about to go on stage with Peter, and then Eli took my…" She trails off, putting all the pieces together in her mind. She gasps. "Eli took my phone! Dammit! That meddling little piece of-" Alicia goes to stand but Kalinda pulls her back down. An easy task, considering how tipsy she is.

"Wait, Alicia! Leave it till tomorrow, you can kill him then. Sleep on it." Alicia groans, but doesn't argue. They both do another shot.

"So what exactly did Will say?" Alicia asks more meekly now, turning to Kalinda. "About Jeffrey Grant. He probably hates me even more than when I left the firm."

"Look, Will knows this kid was screwed over by the State's Attorney. It's just gonna take him some time to… cool off. Instead of seeing the situation for how it looks at first glance - you representing his shooter, and all."

Alicia sighs. She needs another drink.

* * *

The next morning, a very hungover Alicia waits for Eli in his office. Kalinda was right, sleeping on it has made her less murderous. It's also made her less confident that this is all Eli's fault - what if he's completely innocent? She has no time to second guess, however, as her husband's chief of staff enters his office. He blinks in surprise at first, but then smiles when he sees Alicia sitting in his desk chair.

"Alicia!"

"You took my phone," is all she replies with. Eli is still unperturbed by the somber look on her face, shaking his head with a confused smile.

"What? Why would I have your phone?"

"Not  _now,_ " Alicia corrects bitingly. "Back when Peter was running for State's Attorney. It would've been about four years ago, at his press conference. Will was calling me and you took my phone." Eli's face falls, as Alicia continues in a shaky voice. "You took my phone, you heard his second voicemail, and you  _deleted it_."

Eli's face crumples in guilt. "Alicia please let me explain-" She suddenly rises from Eli's desk chair, making him flinch. "Wait, how… how did you even know?"

"I  _didn't_  know! I was bluffing!" Alicia cries.

"Please, let me-"

"No. Get out of my way," she snaps, and storms out of the office. Everyone's curious eyes are on the murderous-looking First Lady of Illinois as she stalks away.

Alicia then suddenly stops in her tracks. Something significant must have been said in the voicemail for Eli to delete it. She turns around, dragging Eli back into the office by his arm, and traps him against the slammed door. "Tell me what it said. Every single word."

"Th-the voicemail?" Eli asks shakily. "It was years ago, Alicia, I-"

"Word for word, Eli!" She demands.

"Y-you wanna know what my plan is, my plan is that I love you!" Eli blurts out. Alicia blinks in shock, and lets go of him. "That's what he said. He said he loved you. And then he said something about Georgetown-"

"What about Georgetown?" She demands.

"How he'd always loved you, ever since Georgetown." Alicia's mind is running a million miles an hour. "He said he would meet you, anywhere, and you could make a plan then."

"Did he mention a place? A time?"

"No. Is that important?"

"What else?" Alicia demands again.

"Just that if this didn't make sense to you, to ignore him. Ignore the message. And things will go on as usual."

"So… when I didn't respond, he thought I got the message. And things… we just… we went back to usual?"

"Yes, I guess," Eli answers, looking at his feet guiltily. Alicia steps backward, and then slowly circles the room, deep in thought. She suddenly wants to break everything in this office. Eli looks afraid that she will. A photo on his bookshelf catches her eye. It's them. Her and Eli. Smiling, friends. All this time he'd known that Will loved her, and he hadn't said a word. She takes the photo of them and gently places it facing down on Eli's desk. She carefully removes the frame and holds the photo up, along with its glass sheet cover - and then swiftly smashes it over the corner of the desk. Alicia stretches her hands open, letting the remaining glass shards fall, and looks over to see a grimacing Eli.

"I'm so sorry, Alic-"

"Go to hell, Eli." It's then that she storms away for good. She has to see Will, there are still more questions that need to be answered.

* * *

At Lockhart/Gardner, Alicia is spotted by Kalinda from the conference room, and she's fixed with a meaningful stare.  _Don't do anything stupid,_ it says _._  Will is just sitting alone in his office, looking over some papers. Alicia doesn't even knock, just pushes open the glass door and stares at him. He looks angry, shocked, take your pick. But Alicia speaks before he can ask what the hell she's doing in his office.

"You lied to me," she accuses.

"Excuse me? About what, exactly?" Will demands.

"You say you that love me, over a  _voicemail?_ And then you lie when I ask you about it? Who does that Will, seriously?!" Will gapes at Alicia's exclamations. He gulps, looks away, processes.

"And why are you bringing this up now?"

"Because Eli only just told me what it said!" Alicia cries.

"Eli? W-what…" Will shakes his head, confused.

"Eli. He deleted it. He listened to the voicemail, and he deleted it." Will's face falls as he takes in what Alicia is saying. "He was probably worried that it would hurt Peter's campaign," she spits angrily.

"And why is that, Alicia? What exactly are you saying, that you would've just run away with me if you'd heard the message?" Will demands sarcastically.

"I'm saying, I don't know  _what_  I would've done," she yells. Her voice breaks as tears sting at her eyes. "I won't ever know."

"It doesn't matter," Will dismisses bitterly, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "We still would have ended up right here, anyway. You would've stood by Peter, left the firm, stole my clients, and then chosen to represent the guy who shot me. It would've come full circle regardless."

"You don't know that," Alicia tells him in a weak voice.

"That doesn't matter either!" Will argues with an incredulous shake of his head. "This is life, Alicia. Stop living in the past, stop fixating on what could've happened, and get out of my office."

Alicia is so shell-shocked by everything that she has no fight left in her, not for today. Once she shuts the door behind her, she looks down at her hands and can see where the glass from the photo had cut into her skin. They must be sore, although she can't really tell. She just hurts everywhere.

* * *

_"And I don't say that I blame her,  
_ _People don't know what they want  
_ _If you spend your whole life looking behind you,  
_ _You don't see what's in front_

_Was there anything I could do?  
_ _Was there anything I could do?"_


	11. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt Corby - Breathe
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1NbDEG_xNw
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/0dFWDIsDVXm8hWqQ2bYPsA

* * *

Alicia works. She works and works and puts all her energy into the cases she and Cary currently have. And then when she is forced to go home, she cleans. In her already clean kitchen, she scrubs and scrubs until there isn't a single spot left. And then, she does the work that she smuggles back from Florrick/Agos. This is how it's been for a week now, this cycle she's in, but she's doing just  _fine, thank you._ She takes probably one too many sleeping pills, but doesn't actually sleep. She has a court hearing today, so she'll be in at the firm early anyway. Coffee will get her going.

Considering all these things, it's shouldn't come as a surprise when Alicia feels lightheaded as she stands up in court to object. She can't exactly remember why she's objecting in the first place.

"Mrs. Florrick?" Judge Morris presses.

"Your Honor… I, um…" It shouldn't be a surprise when she becomes so dizzy that it's difficult to stay upright. Her head pounds, but not painfully. It feels like it could just float away. Alicia's eyes, on the other hand, feel heavy. Actually now  _everything_  feels heavy. So heavy that she just lets her eyes close and sleeps. Finally.

She ends up back in hospital. Of course she does. She keeps trying to tell everyone that she's  _fine_ , just tired. Cary is not having any of it though, sitting there and staring at her anxiously. He leans forward and puts a hand on her arm.

"Alicia. What the hell's going on - why did you just faint out of nowhere?"

"Cary... The hearing, the Randal case? Is someone-"

"Seriously? That's what you're worried about right now?" She doesn't know what Cary wants her to say. So she just remains silent. After a moment, Cary sighs. "Bryan's getting a continuance. But you're not taking the case back Alicia, you're not coming back to work until you sort all of this out."

"Sort  _what_  out, Cary?!" She cries. Cary gives her a look that says,  _you. Sort you out._

"I'm getting a nurse, they don't know you've woken up again," Cary grumbles and walks off. Alicia isn't alone for long, however, as she notices a figure appear in the doorway.

Ruby.

She's standing there with her arms crossed, leaning on the threshold and fixing Alicia with a glare. It's the kind of look she used to give her kids when they were little, if they got in trouble. Big trouble.

"If you're just going to stare at me like that, you can leave," Alicia snaps.

The therapist lets out a huff, rolls her eyes and does exactly that. She leaves.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Alicia calls angrily. She stands up, feels a little dizzy and woozy when she does, but follows Ruby out - hospital gown, IV stand and all.

Ruby spots Alicia emerging from her room and walking out into the hall. Her eyes bug out in shock before immediately rushing over to the First Lady of Illinois.

"What the bloody hell are you doi- get back in there!" She exclaims and practically drags Alicia back into her room. Ruby shuts the door to avoid any curious eyes and continues in a low voice. "For your information, I'm not even supposed to be here. I've been removed from your case. That's not so surprising now, considering I've  _never_  had a patient come back to the hospital in a worse state than I left them. I've never had a patient try and  _kill_  themselves  _after_  I've spoken to them."

"Hey! I did not try to kill myself-"

"Well, you damn well could've fooled me!" Ruby hisses.

"And I'm NOT one of your... patients. And I'm not insane," Alicia continues, her voice starting to crack in emotion. "I just - I want everything to stop for a second. I j-just... I  _hurt_."

"Oh, Alicia." Ruby pulls her into a tight hug, and lets this breaking woman sob into her shoulder. She doesn't hush her, because she needs to get this stuff out. She doesn't tell her it's going to be okay, because maybe it's not. She just holds her.

* * *

Kalinda hands the file to Will. "Castro and everyone at the States Attorney's office like to put people in general population for a quicker settlement. Including Jeffrey Grant. These are the emails."

Will looks over the documents with a frown but doesn't say a word. Kalinda presses on.

"Look, Alicia isn't the enemy here. She's not doing this to hurt you. She didn't leave the firm to hurt you, and she's not representing this kid to hurt you, either. The sooner you realize that, the better."

* * *

Alicia and Peter sit in awkward silence. They'd both agreed that the kids didn't need to see her like this, especially since it sounds like she will be discharged fairly soon.

Peter decides to speak up first. "So, are you… alright?"

"Well, I'm still alive and breathing if that's what you mean. But hey, don't take my word for it," Alicia retorts wryly, gesturing to the chart on the end of her bed.

Her husband gives her a deadpan look. "You know that's not what I mean." Alicia leans back and lets out a large sigh. She really doesn't want to be discussing this with Peter right now. "I thought you were going to be taking this time for yourself, after the shooting," he continues accusingly. "So imagine my surprise when I find out I've been looking after our children for the past two weeks, just so you could play  _house_  with Will Gardner."

An angry heat flushes through her whole body, and she shakes her head with a scowl. "Oh, don't even start, Peter."

"Start  _what_?! You're acting as if it's  _my_  fault there have been three people in this marriage for the past-"

"Get out, Peter." Alicia presses her fingers into her forehead as hard as she can and closes her eyes. "Get out. Now."

"No! Now you might think it's alright to-" Peter's rambling is cut off by a small, but steady voice.

"Don't make her ask you again."

Alicia looks up to see Ruby at the doorway. She must've somehow made it past Peter's security team, probably by flashing her hospital badge.

"And who are you?" Peter asks mockingly.

"Ruby. I work here." The tone of her retort is laced with venom, as she advances slowly towards her husband. "If Alicia has to ask you to leave again, I'll just have security remove you. That's right, hospital security. Not that they're paid much, thanks to funding cuts from the Governor," she continues bitingly. "But they do have some serious muscle. Won't that be fun, my entourage against yours." Peter stands up at Ruby's taunts and faces off with her. From Alicia's perspective, it's almost comical - the big, tall Governor of Illinois in a stare-off with a 5-foot-nothing therapist. But it works. He walks away.

As the door shuts behind him, Ruby rolls her eyes. "Is he always such a prick?" She demands, her face contorting into a look of disgust and disbelief.

Alicia just stares over at this fiery young woman, and laughs for the first time in she can't remember how long.

* * *

Ruby sits at her desk, looking back to find Alicia in her doorway. She sighs, puts her pen down and waits for her to speak.

"So, I've been discharged."

"I know."

Alicia begins to stammer at the shortness of her response. "Just have to… take care better of myself, I guess."

"And you needed a medical professional to figure that one out?" Ruby deadpans. Alicia laughs humourlessly but doesn't say anything. She turns to leave, hesitating at the doorway.

"Did you need something?" Ruby asks dispassionately.

"I need… Ineedyourhelp," she mumbles.

"I'm sorry, what?" Ruby asks, raising her brows in faux confusion. It's childish of her, but she isn't about to make this easy on Alicia. She has to want this for herself.

"I need… your help," Alicia repeats more clearly, and with a sigh. Ruby's softens at this and gestures for her to sit down.

"Well, Holland who runs the clinic took me off your case. Officially, I'm no longer your therapist here," she announces, trying not to sound as annoyed as she feels.

"And… unofficially?" Alicia asks, lips almost twitching into a mischievous smile. Ruby doesn't bother to hide the grin that creeps up onto her face.

"My my, I never took you for a rebel," she muses, shaking her head. After a moment of consideration, she leans back in her chair and spreads her arms. "Unofficially? I am all yours, Mrs. Florrick."

Alicia lets out a shaky, relieved breath of air. She looks like she's searching for the right words. "I think you know that you can call me Alicia," is what she settles for.

"Oh I know, I just like teasing you. It's temporary, though, just until I've come up with a proper nickname for you. I'm cheeky like that. And since this is unofficial and all, you'll just have to pay me in snack foods rather than actual money." Alicia looks like she's about to object, but Ruby pipes in again before she can. "Think of it as pro bono work. Look you can't pay me, Alicia, not for this arrangement. And we can't do this the way I normally would as a therapist. Of course I'll help you, in fact in some ways this will be better without the formal restrictions. But I do have one rule. No drugs."

"No drugs?" Alicia echoes.

"No drugs. Unless you're already on prescribed medication for something else that you need?" Alicia shakes her head. "If you really want to do this, you're not going to start on antidepressants. You'll go on those over my cold, dead body." Ruby makes it clear with her tone that she isn't joking, not one bit. So the lawyer seems to choose her response very carefully.

"Well… that should be fine I guess."

"You sure?" Ruby questions dubiously with a laugh. "When I say no drugs, I mean it. I'm not just talking about popping pills, here. Alcohol is a drug. Caffeine is a drug. You have to stay away from  _all_ of it." As Alicia begins to understand, her face slowly falls. "Of course no sleeping pills, or antidepressants. But that also means no coffee. No wine. And no chocolate, that's the one that really gets me."

"You're saying that you follow this too?" Alicia cries.

"Well… yes, mostly. I don't drink alcohol or coffee, but chocolate is my only vice. It's a sometimes food for me." Ruby can see the lines of Alicia's forehead deepening as she considers a world without wine. "I'm not saying you have to do this forever," she assures. "We'll see how you go for a few weeks to start. Basically you need to tip your lifestyle on its head for a bit - your body and mind both need to heal. Drastic times call for drastic measures, right?"

Alicia sighs and looks back up at Ruby, almost cringing. "No drugs?" She asks again.

"No drugs," Ruby confirms with a laugh. After a pause, she leans forward and locks eyes with Alicia. "Look, here's the thing. You have to trust me completely, and trust me blindly. This doesn't work otherwise. Can you do that?" Alicia gazes up at her, considering this with an almost pained look on her face. She's trying to hide it, but Ruby can see her desperation as plain as day.

"Yes," is all she replies with.

Ruby takes her hands that are clasped on the desk and squeezes them gently. "Then let's do this." The lawyer nods her head with a small smile, and the temptation to pry is already too great for Ruby to handle. "So… spoken to Will lately?"

In the blink of an eye, Alicia is sporting a stormy expression and retracting her hands likes she's been electrocuted. Ruby can't resist breathing out a small laugh at this reaction.

"Wow, okay. So that's where we'll start on Thursday."


	12. Mr. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Hurricane - Beast
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nol7e9HJXg
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/3V79bWGxOCpbwpOWIrUa3b

* * *

"So, let me get this straight… you finally decided to divorce that schmuck you call a husband, and you've come crawling back to me, like a prodigal child?" David Lee asks with raised eyebrows.

Alicia smiles. "Why yes, David, that's right. Can't you see the tail between my legs?"

"Well, here at Lockhart/Gardner we welcome you back with open arms. But only because I'm billing you for every hour," he deadpans.

"I wouldn't expect any less." Alicia will tolerate his taunting, only because she can't imagine anything worse than someone she still works with at Florrick/Agos handling her divorce. She also knows that David's good, though unbearable as he may be.

"So, are we getting every penny we can from the bastard?" Alicia hesitates at this suggestion, biting on her lip anxiously. She doesn't exactly want to make an enemy of her husband. "Look, Alicia. You need to get out of your lawyer mentality for a minute and start being a client," David advises. "Let me pull all the punches here. Kettle corn?" He offers, pulling a bucket out of nowhere and handing it to Alicia.

She did always love David's kettle corn.

* * *

Ruby steps through the elevator doors on the 28th floor, taking in the commotion of Lockhart/Gardner. Yep, this is definitely not her playground.

She steps forward, and tries convincing the receptionist to let her speak with Will, even though she has no appointment, she hasn't actually spoken to him before and he wouldn't know who on earth she is.

"Look he doesn't know me personally but I'm a friend of Alicia Florrick's, and I know Diane the other partn-" She considers looking for Kalinda or Diane instead, but by some stroke of luck Will appears next to her - fancy suit, briefcase and all. "Oh, um. You're Will. Will Gardner. Hi. "

"Hi…" he replies with furrowed brows. "You know Alicia?"

_Ha! You have no idea, Will Gardner. None at all._

"Yes I do, I work at Chicago General. Do you have a minute?"

Will glances at his watch, "Sure, but only a minute."

"I'll talk fast," Ruby smiles. As he leads her around the corner into his office, she can't help but pause behind Will to look him up and down in his fancy suit - a stark contrast to when she saw him leaving the hospital. " _Alicia Florrick, you naughty little minx_ …" she shakes her head to herself. Will turns back and gives her a questioning look, but Ruby instantly dismisses it. "Oh nothing, just talking to myself."

Will sits down at his desk and at his invitation, Ruby joins him. "So how can I help you, Miss…"

"Lawrence. Well actually it's Dr. Lawrence but just- just call me Ruby," she eventually gets out. Why on earth is she being so awkward? "As I said, I work at Chicago General. I'm a therapist, and we helped with psychological treatment for some people involved in the courthouse shooting a couple of months ago."

"Oh! Oh, actually yeah I think I do recognize you from seeing you around the hospital. Well, I appreciate you coming by but… I'm fine, really," Will insists with a nod.

"That's - I'm glad that you are, but this is actually about Alicia."

Will's polite smile slowly falls as he realizes why she's here. "I don't… think I wanna go into that."

There's a prolonged moment of silence as they stare at each other and Ruby considers her next move.

"Fine. How about I talk and you listen," she suggests, and Will picks up on the fact that it's not a suggestion at all. "You need to smooth things over with her. You know for a fact that she didn't mean to-"

"And you need to learn when things are none of your damn business," Will retorts.

Ruby narrows her eyes. She seems to spend all of her time arguing with stubborn wankers that Alicia used to be with. "Look, this is for your sake as much as hers. Sure she feels guilty, but she's not the only one suffering here, is she?" Ruby prods angrily. "It must be quite shitty for you carrying around all that bitterness and resentment, having it eat away at you all the time-"

"Okay, I think we're done here," Will snaps. Ruby isn't done though, not even close.

"Look, I'm not saying you have to be with her romantically - although I bet you're only this hurt and angry because you care for her so much. Hell, I'm not even saying you need to be friends again! But after what happened with the shooting… if you don't at least patch things up, this will  _destroy her_."

"Why?! She wasn't shot in that courtroom. That was  _me_ , or didn't you realize? And I'm still here. No one died. So what exactly is going to destroy her about this situation?"

"She had to watch you lying there  _bleeding,_ you prick! You just didn't see how much it messed her up because she distracted herself by taking care of  _you_. No Will, you didn't die in that courtroom.  _She_  did." He scoffs and leans back in his desk chair, shaking his head. "Oh yeah, go on, have a laugh. But you'll find I'm not exactly in a joking mood right now. Unless you two make peace, she probably won't ever recover from this. And neither will you. Trust me, you don't want this on your hands, and you do  _not_  want me to be right about this. Because if I'm right… when the dust settles, you'll look around and realize that it was all  _your_  fault."

"You can't just put that on me!" Will cries.

Ruby stands up and leans forward over Will's desk to glare right into his eyes. Her final words are spoken in a low voice. "Watch. Me."

* * *

Peter sits in the Lockhart/Gardner conference room, a stormy expression clouding his face. After examining the divorce papers, he throws them down onto the table. Alicia gazes over at him, clenching her fists in her lap.

"Alicia," he hisses. "You're being…"

"I'm being what, a selfish bitch?" She retorts.

"Okayyy, why don't we-" David tries to cool the waters but Alicia presses on.

"I could make this look bad for you, Peter. Really bad. In fact, I've refrained from doing so for the past 6 years."

"Are you serious? You're threatening me?!" Peter barks.

"But if I truly were selfish," Alicia continues on over his exclamations. "Well, this divorce would've been finalized a long time ago. And you?" She taunts with a bitter smile. "You wouldn't be Governor. You wouldn't have even become State's Attorney without me. Without my… what did Eli call it again? My  _good housekeeping_  seal of approval. I've stood by you for years. And now, now you can do this for me. You  _will_  do this for me." Peter narrows his eyes challengingly at her, and this time she doesn't falter or back away. "No Peter, I'm not a selfish bitch - but you certainly  _don't_  want me to turn into one. Sign the papers." As Alicia stands to leave, all eyes follow her out of the conference room. She goes straight into David's office, turns her back to the glass wall and lets out some shaky breaths. After taking a minute to collect herself, Alicia pulls out her phone and dials.

"Ruby? I did it."


	13. When The Weather Is Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When The Weather Is Fine (AAA Acoustic) - Thirsty Merc
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFgcvq_qvNE
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/4RrEq25Pmnl6Gl19UgkoEm

 

* * *

_'I know that sometime,_  
_When the weather is fine,_  
_I will be with you_

_No one can see,_  
_What the future will be,_  
_But I'll feel for you'_

David bursts into his office and starts chattering excitedly to Alicia. "Now  _that_  is what I call a settlement negotiation-"

"Not now David, please. Can I just - I need a minute." He must hear in her tear-thickened voice that she's not exactly in a celebratory mood. David pauses briefly before placing some more kettle corn on the desk, along with the most genuine look he's probably ever given her and a pat on the shoulder as he leaves.

Alicia finally lets the tears fall. As she slumps down onto the couch, Will chooses this perfect moment to appear outside of David's fishbowl office. He glances through the glass as he's walking by to see Alicia crying into her kettle corn, clutching onto it for dear life. Normally she'd be embarrassed by this situation, but she just can't find it in herself to  _care_  anymore. After a brief hesitation, he continues on down the hall with a pensive look on his face.

All of this irrevocable damage, and it's completely on her hands. She's destroyed her relationship with Peter, and with Will. Cary doesn't even want her back at work, not until she's less… messed up.

A knock on the door as it opens snaps her out of it. She's about to tell David to  _leave her the hell alone_ , but it's not him who enters.

Ruby gives her a sad smile. "Hey, you."

Alicia starts shaking with tears again. "I- I feel like a failure."

In an instant, Ruby is next to her with an arm around her shoulders. "No, no you're not. You're just learning how hard it is to let go, and to make decisions that put  _you_  first. But you can't be sitting here feeling guilty about this, I won't have it. Alright?"

Alicia gives a teary nod and wipes at her cheeks. Ruby grabs her shoulders and looks right into her eyes. "You listen to me. You are  _not_  a failure. You had to support your children, look after them, go back to work, and earn all the money for your family by being a kick-ass lawyer, and all while your husband was off  _banging hookers_."

"Do you have to say it so loud?" Alicia hisses.

"Yes, yes I do! Look, the point is you've been the one holding everything together for the past 6 years. And you are a strong,  _bloody woman_." Alicia struggles to hold back a smile at how strong Ruby's British accent is when she gets this passionate. "But even strong people know when they need help."

Alicia sighs and leans back. She doesn't feel strong at all, she feels… exhausted.

"Take this," Ruby instructs, as she hands Alicia a glass jug, filled with water from David's desk. "Now hold it out in front of you with your arms stretched out." Alicia frowns in confusion up at Ruby who is now pacing around the office, but she does as she's told and lifts up the jug of water. "That's it, hold it right out there. Alright, what are some things that you need to forgive people for? Let's start with Peter."

"What? Um…"

"Surely there must still be some things you're angry with him about."

Alicia lets out a sigh and reminds herself that she promised to trust Ruby. "Well… I- I'm angry that he still expects me to stand by him, just to serve his political interests. And that it wouldn't be so important for me to stand by him if he hadn't cheated on me in the first place. I hate that I'm still so hurt by what he did, and I hate that it only hurts so much because I know… I'm partially responsible for our marriage failing." Alicia's voice begins to shake, and so do her arms as it's getting harder and harder to hold out the jug in front of her. But Ruby presses on.

"Okay now Will, what about him?"

"Will? I, um… It's just so easy for him."

"What do you mean?" Ruby provokes.

"He doesn't have kids to worry about, or a spouse. He doesn't have to protect anyone's interests and reputation but his own, so he doesn't understand how easy it is for him to just… be with someone."

"What else?"

"He didn't  _fight for me_ ," Alicia grits out. "He just… slept with me. He didn't make a plan, even though he said that he wanted to, he said that he loved me. Not that I knew any of this when it happened, because Eli deleted that  _stupid voicemail_!" Alicia's grip tightens on the jug, and she's not sure how much longer she can hold it for. It gets heavier and heavier, well actually it just feels heavier, and Ruby places a hand under it without actually helping her hold the water up.

After a moment of silence, she steps right up to Alicia and looks solemnly into her eyes. "And what about you?"

"Me?" Alicia asks.

"Yes, you. What do you have to forgive  _yourself_  for?"

"How long have you got?" Alicia jokes wryly. Ruby raises her eyebrows in response. "I'm angry at myself for… not choosing Will, back when things were easy. Back at Georgetown. For letting myself get walked all over by Peter. For… for not being a better mother to my kids." Her arms are getting weaker and weaker, and she shakes her head as tears sting her eyes. "I can't…" she whimpers, and just as her arms collapse Ruby takes the water from her hands.

"So. Do I need to explain the point behind that little exercise?" Ruby asks quietly. Alicia closes her stinging eyes as more tears stream down her cheeks. "How long, hm? How long are you going to hold onto this stuff before it just… becomes too much to carry? Slips out of your hands? Things like this can destroy you from the inside."

Before Alicia can respond, they're interrupted by David. "You know some of us actually have work to do, in our  _offices_ , Alicia-"

"Erm, we're having a moment here if you don't mind." Alicia can't help but give a small smile at seeing David Lee get snapped at by Ruby.

"You seem to be under the illusion that I care. I can just get-"

"Hmm, well you can bite me, how about that?" Ruby quips with a bitter smile. "Come on Alicia, let's go."

As they walk arm in arm through the commotion of Lockhart/Gardner, they're spotted by Kalinda. She calls out to Alicia, picks something up from her desk, and goes to meet them.

"This is for your Jeffrey Grant case," she says, handing the folder to Alicia. "It's pretty self-explanatory."

"Thanks…" Just as Alicia about to ask why she's helping her on this, Kalinda is called away by someone else and excuses herself hurriedly.

Ruby looks up at Alicia who is still bemused, and then back to the investigator with a frown. "Why is she trying to earn your trust? Aren't you friends, doesn't she already have it?"

This makes Alicia stammer. So  _that's_  why she's helping her. "I, um…"

"What did she do, Alicia?" Ruby demands. Damn, she's quick. Before Alicia can formulate a response, she's distracted as she catches Will's eye through the glass window of his office. Ruby leads them to the elevator but stops. "You go ahead, I'll… just be a minute."

* * *

Ruby knocks on Will's door. He looks up and glares when he sees her, but she throws her hands up.

"I come in peace," she says quickly. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm not Alicia's therapist, not officially, and I'm beginning to realize why that is. I tend to lose perspective, and… fly off the handle when I'm emotionally invested. So, I'm sorry." Will doesn't say anything, just nods with a pensive frown. Ruby turns to leave, but she thinks better of it and halts at the door. "Life's too short for grudges, Will. You know that better than anyone, with what happened to you. Just… consider that."

There's not much more she can do here. It's up to Alicia now, she has to be the one taking the steps towards him. Ruby just hopes that she will.


	14. Pa' Bailar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pa' Bailar (Instrumental Album Version) - Bajofondo
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfD2KzG5Giw
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/6CT7lmMAco13bgfBotJweu

* * *

"So you're saying that you can just take these musical ideas, put them in a different key and call them your own?" Alicia demands in animated outrage.

"No, I'm saying that the similarities in my song are part of a larger musical genre!" Eric James argues. That's right, The Eric James, the world-famous singer/songwriter (And sex symbol, but Alicia only knows that because Grace told her, she swears). "I copied no actual melodic material. I'm paying homage to a style, a musical feel - not a particular artist, and certainly not this song."

"Oh, so the two songs just happen to bear the same instrumentation?" Alicia retorts snarkily. "The same rhythmic feel? The same cowbell sound? Let's forget about legal copyright infringement for a moment - why is this not morally wrong, and completely unoriginal? How does this not constitute blatant theft?" Alicia leans forward, continuing in a tirade of accusations.

"Because this is a very slippery slope - there are only so many chord progressions that one can write! And there are only so many different combinations of instruments that a songwriter can use."

After a moment of silence, Alicia nods and leans back in her chair. "Good... Good."

Mr. James exhales like he's been holding his breath for an eternity, and flops down onto the desk. "Holy crap. They're gonna go that hard on me?"

"Yes," Alicia answers simply. "I know the plaintiff's lawyer, how she works. But that's what this witness prep is for."

"You're intense," he notes with a raised brow. "Right now I don't know whether to be frightened by you, or... turned on."

Alicia shoots him a deadpan look. "How about neither. How about just, determined to have this copyright infringement suit dismissed?" She suggests wryly.

"Oh I am, believe me. But I'm just glad that you're on my side of this, I'd have no chance if you weren't. You could be ripping me to shreds in that courtroom and I'd probably thank you after you were finished with me."

Not quite knowing how to respond, Alicia looks away and leans back in her chair with an awkward laugh. "You'll be fine, Mr. James."

"It's Eric, please. And yes, I will be fine. Thanks to you," he praises with a cheeky grin as he stands. "So, be honest - If you were the judge, would you think I stole that song? I know it doesn't actually matter, but... I'd like to know what you think. What you  _really_  think. Is this copyright infringement to you?"

Luckily, Alicia can answer honestly with a shake of her head. "No. There just aren't enough objective similarities here. You said it yourself, you can't copyright a musical style." Eric nods but still looks slightly worried. "Hey. We have a good case," she assures him. "And even if we didn't, I'd still be telling you to let me do all the worrying. Okay?"

He reaches out his hand, and Alicia takes it expecting nothing more than a business-like shake. But instead, he leans down and presses a soft kiss to her knuckles. Her heart leaps, just for a moment, before she reminds herself that he is a  _client_  and he's  _Eric James_.

Ruby is there standing at the door, eyeing him as he leaves. Her eyes widen comically at Alicia. As soon as he's out of earshot she hisses, "Was that Eric James? Eric bloody JAMES?! Oh, my word. You're blushing and smiling like a schoolgirl. You want him, don't you?"

"What? No," Alicia denies way too quickly.

"Oh, you  _so_  do. You want to get naked with him!" At Ruby's exclamations, nearby lawyers raise their heads and peer into the office.

"Ruby!" Alicia hisses, but she can't help letting a small smile break through.

"Alright, I'll shut up. But only if you admit that you find him attractive."

"Fine! I find him attractive. There, happy?"

Ruby shakes her head with an amused smile. "I'm just surprised, is all. He seems a bit... young, for your taste." Alicia wants to argue that he's not  _that_  much younger than her, but it would just fuel Ruby's teasing even further. So she just rolls her eyes.

"What do you need, Ruby? I do have a job you know, and clients. Eric James being one of them."

"Who would you say is your celebrity crush?" Ruby asks with narrowed eyes, ignoring her question. "Besides Eric James, of course," she adds with a wink. Alicia lets out a frustrated huff.

"I don't know. George Clooney, I suppose." She's gotten used to skipping past the stammering over Ruby's blunt questions and just answering straight up. She usually tickles it out of her eventually anyway.

"Nice, nice. Classic. So that's the answer that you actually  _tell_  people - what's the one that you don't? Who's your guilty pleasure?" Ruby presses with an evil grin.

Alicia sighs. "Oh Ruby, I don't know. Why?"

"Because I need to know these things! I know your deepest, darkest fears and regrets - it makes sense that I should know who you'd  _bang_  if you had the chance!" Alicia is about to choke on thin air, but Ruby isn't done making her squirm yet. "And speaking of which..."

"Speaking of which?!" Alicia cries.

" _Speaking of which_ , I have a task for you. Don't worry, you should like this one. It involves, well... orgasms."

Alicia has no words. Between Eric James basically flirting with her and all of Ruby's ridiculous comments, this day has thrown her off balance and she doesn't know what move to make next. She just gapes.

"Yes, orgasms," the young therapist confirms. "It's pretty simple really. Your homework is to have lots of them! As many as possible this week."

Alicia is so shell-shocked that she doesn't even bother trying to question Ruby. She simply notes sarcastically, "Well that might prove difficult, between my divorcing Peter and falling out with Will."

"Who said you needed a man?" Ruby challenges.

"Oh, are you offering?" Alicia snorts, now resigned to how ridiculous the whole conversation has been.

Ruby barks out a laugh and cries, "I mean, you don't need  _anyone_!"

"You mean..."

"Yes, Alicia. You can say the word you know, it's not a crime. Masturbation."

Alicia instantly whacks her hand to her forehead in embarrassment and whines, "I'm way too sober for this."

"I know this stuff makes you squirm, but I'm being serious! This is about you listening to yourself, to your desires, to how you feel. Taking time out for  _you_."

Alicia stammers and shakes her head in disbelief, while Ruby is already up and half-way out the door.

"Well, I'm off. See you for dinner on Thursday, are we still on for that?"

Alicia sighs. "Yes. Zach can't make it, but Grace will be there."

"Good, it'll be nice to properly meet her. Alright. Take care, my love. And have fun!" Ruby calls in a cheeky sing-song.

Alicia rolls her eyes and lets out another sigh. What on earth has her life come to?

* * *

Alicia enters the courtroom, Eric James in tow, and finds Will already sitting at the plaintiff's table.

"Of course," she grumbles sarcastically.

Eric turns to her with furrowed brows. "What's wrong? I haven't seen that guy, I thought Diane would be on the other side. Is that bad?" The musician asks worriedly.

"No, it's fine. We just don't exactly... get along."

Erice raises his eyebrows. "I see, so you two have a history. And I thought I was the only man in your life, since you've divorced the Governor and all."

"You've been checking up on me?" Alicia asks with a grin.

"Oh definitely,  _Ms. Cavanaugh_. I had to know what I was up against. I can't imagine a woman like you will stay single for long." Will's head jerks up at this comment, as they take their seats at the defense table. He and Alicia look across at each other and nod.

Alicia turns to her client and leans in to quietly warn him. "Will is going to try and provoke you in cross. I need you not to bite, can you do that?"

"Of course, that's what we've talked about isn't it?"

"Yes, but it's even more important now. He's going to badger you and I won't object unless I absolutely have to. If you keep your cool, he will look desperate and you'll look sympathetic. Don't raise your voice, answer succinctly and don't diverge too much into your musical interests. He'll try to get you talking. Okay?"

Eric gives a nod, biting his lip anxiously. "So… does he give the evil eye to everyone he's suing, or am I special?"

"Oh, you're special," she answers with a laugh.

"He's jealous?" Eric guesses.

She pauses. "I don't know…"

Eric takes this opportunity to lean in and whisper in her ear. "Okay, he's watching us. Smile like I'm telling you something funny and endearing."

Alicia leans away slightly to give him a questioning look. "What?"

He instantly pulls her back in to whisper again. "Pretend I'm charming you. Go on, quick do it!"

Alicia does. She purposefully avoids Will's eyes as she lets a grin rise onto her cheeks. Eric keeps a hand on her arm as he continues whispering in her ear. "I'm just whispering things to make it look like I'm still being funny and sweet. He's a jealous one, isn't he? Okay now for some laughter. I've just told you the punchline, okay? And… go!" Alicia lets out a bark of laughter and doubles over. She didn't think she'd be good at this but they're actually pulling it off. "Oscar-winning performance, Ms. Cavanaugh. Incredible," Eric praises and she laughs genuinely this time.

Will is just frowning down at his case files when the judge enters. As they rise, he glares across at her.

So, that worked. Whoops.

* * *

"So Alicia, how's your weekly task going? Are you… enjoying it?" Ruby asks with a cheeky grin, twirling her fork into her bowl of spaghetti. The lawyer gives her a death glare and nods towards Grace, who is eating contentedly.

"What's that?" The young girl asks.

Alicia drops her fork at her daughter's innocent question and raises her eyebrows at Ruby. "Yes, Ruby, what's that?" She presses angrily.

Ruby bites her lip to keep from laughing and turns to Grace. "Well… I can't get into specifics, since it's you know… confidential counseling stuff. But your mom and I have been talking about how if you want something done right, you should, erm… do it yourself. Isn't that right, Alicia?"

Grace doesn't notice her mother practically choking on her dinner, as she turns to Ruby with a smile. "Oh, well that sounds interesting."

"Yes, like I said I can't get into specifics. But let's just say, she's been learning about happiness. And, erm, how to take that happiness into her own…  _hands_." She can barely get the word out with a straight face, pressing her lips together in a desperate attempt to contain herself. Even Alicia's glare softens as she tries to hide a grin.

Grace looks over to see her smiling mother, who is now shaking her head in resignation. "Well, I guess it's working!" She observes politely.

And that does it for Alicia and Ruby, who instantly burst out into roaring laughter.

"What, what did I say?" Grace begs. The two women only cackle even harder.

* * *

"Objection, Your Honor - if Mr. Gardner wants to testify, we can swear him in."

"Oh snap!" Eric says quietly from the witness stand.

"Mr. James," Judge Suzanne Morris chastises. "Please keep your exclamations to yourself."

"My apologies, your Honour." He then turns to Alicia and mouths 'sorry' with a wince. She just smiles in response, because Judge Morris sustains her objection and she knows that Will is losing. He's losing  _badly_. This cross-examination is only adding to his defeat. He continues badgering, trying to get Eric to elaborate and slip up about his writing. But it's unsuccessful, the musician is steadfast, calm, and the  _perfect_  witness.

In a last-ditch effort, Will manages to dig his hole even further. "Mr. James... what did you whisper to Mrs. Florrick as you stood to take the stand?"

"Well, I believe she goes by Ms. Cavanaugh now."

"Ms. Cavanaugh, then," Will corrects angrily. "What did you whisper to her before you took the stand?!" He demands again.

Alicia stands. "Objectio- Actually I'll withdraw that."

"You will?" Eric blurts out in surprise.

"Mr. James!" Judge Morris snaps. She turns back to Alicia. "You will?" She repeats. Eric just grins up at the judge, earning an eye-roll.

"Yes, Your Honour. I think the witness should answer the question," Alicia responds, nodding pointedly at Eric. He smiles in understanding.

"What did I whisper to Ms. Cavanaugh?" Eric begins. "Well I believe my exact words were, 'Smile and roll your eyes fondly, like I said something cheeky.'"

Will blinks in confusion. "That's... that's what you told her?"

"Yes it is, we've done similar things a few times now. We had discussed how-"

Will instantly tries to cut him off with a loud question and Alicia stands, but Eric has it covered.

"I wasn't finished answering. Would you like me to finish?" The musician asks with a sickly sweet smile.

_Oh, she could kiss him._

"Please," Will responds in a grumble.

"My lovely lawyer over there and I discussed how you would overreact in jealousy at the appearance of flirtation between us - just as you did now. She also made it clear that you would jump at any opportunity to stray from the facts of this case, because, well - you have none."

Alicia simply can't hold it in. "Oh snap," she interjects with a laugh. Will whips his head around to fix his glare on her, and she's warned by the judge, but she doesn't really mind.

Eric may just be her favorite witness,  _ever_.

* * *

"So he's jealous?" Ruby confirms with furrowed brows.

"Yes!" Alicia cries with a laugh. "It wasn't my idea at first, but he's really getting under Will's skin."

"Hmmm... I don't know about this. I don't think what you need is more tension between you two. Having said that, it shows he still has feelings for you. It's... provocative. And it just might work," Ruby grins.

 _"_ All we were doing was whispering to each other," Alicia says in defense.

"Yes, but... he's clearly into you. At least a little."

"What? No!" She denies as if Ruby just told her the earth was flat.

"Okay," Ruby sarcastically agrees with a roll of her eyes.

Alicia sighs. He's not actually into her. Right?

* * *

"I've found that there is not enough substantial similarity here - not in any protected elements of the song. Motion to dismiss is granted." Judge Morris bangs the gavel and stands.

Alicia rises and beams down at Eric, who is still frozen. He looks up at her with a confused frown.

"We won?" He asks.

"We won!" Alicia confirms happily.

Eric processes this as he stands, and she holds her arms out for a hug.

In the blink of an eye, he pulls her in by the waist and presses a firm, lingering kiss on her lips.

By the time Alicia's mind has caught up and she pulls away in shock, everyone in the courtroom is staring at them. Including the judge, who hasn't left yet.

"What?" Eric asks everyone after a prolonged silence. He then turns back to Judge Morris. "It's not against any law to kiss her - besides, she's not even my lawyer anymore, right? The case is done, you've banged your gavel thingy and all that?"

"I suppose so..." Judge Morris responds, bemused, and continues back to her chambers.

Alicia gapes. Everyone is still staring. Will's stormy expression is piercing right through her. She stalks out of the courtroom, leaving all of her things behind on the table.

"Alicia, wait!" Eric runs to catch up with her. She sees the door to the unisex disabled bathroom, before darting her head around quickly and dragging him in with her.

"What were you thinking?!" Alicia hisses. "You may not ever see that judge again, but my job is to argue in front of her! I have a reputation and a governor for an ex-husband! You can't just-" Alicia pauses. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what, like I want to kiss you again?" Eric smiles, brushing back a lock of her hair.

"Eric!" She cries, stepping away from him. "Look, I... I think you're great. I'm just - well for want of a better term, I'm... emotionally unavailable."

Eric laughs and shakes his head. "I'm not after your emotions, Ms. Cavanaugh."

Alicia rolls her eyes. "And what are you after then, hm? My  _body_? Because I'm sure there are plenty of young-"

"Yes," he growls, reaching out and gripping her waist. Alicia draws in a sharp, involuntary gasp. They just stare, in a stalemate waiting for the other to make the next move. "I'm not interested in emotions, Alicia. I  _want_ you. How's that?"

"I- I, um..."

"I know how you've been painted in the media - you're Saint Alicia. But that's not even scratching the surface, is it? No one knows how truly bad you want to be, deep down. But I do." Alicia's heart is pumping furiously, it's like a surge of electricity is jolting through her. "I don't think you can, though."

"You don't think I can what?" Alicia gets out breathily.

"Just be in this moment, ignore everything else - responsibilities, consequences. And just do what you truly want to do."

Alicia narrows her eyes. "Why not?"

"You're just not built like that, I guess," he answers with a shrug.

Alicia's not stupid. She knows that Eric is using reverse psychology to get what he wants. But if she ignores everything else, like he said... she knows that she wants him too. No, not forever. But in this moment? She's at a loss for reasons to turn away this man - to deny his touch.

She closes her eyes for a moment and tries to clear her mind. When they open again she's determined. Slowly but surely, she steps closer towards him. Her gaze locks onto his lips. It takes forever and no time at all, but she's there, she can feel his breath mingling with hers. She closes her eyes again, and slowly closes the distance between their lips. It's soft and lingering, and she needs more. But he pulls away.

"Now that was nice and all," Eric says, "but how about you kiss me like you mean it."

She does. And she feels, she feels his instant touch, firm and desperate and wanting. She feels his tongue tease hers. His hands slide down her back and squeeze her ass, making her gasp into his mouth and moan as he hoists her up onto the bathroom counter. His lips begin a torturous journey down from under her ear, to her neck and down her chest as he unbuttons her blouse. But there's no time for that - meaning she has no patience and just can't wait. She wraps her legs around him and tries hitching up her skirt. Eric swears as his hands search for the zip. Once he finds it his lips return to hers, and just as she starts reaching to unzip his pants, they both hear a phone ringing. Alicia's phone.

She freezes. "Just ignore it," she whispers and brings her mouth back to his. Just as she starts to refocus, the harsh ringtone interrupts them again. "Oh,  _come on,_ " she growls with a huff. When she reaches out for the phone, Eric becomes incredulous.

"No no no, you can't do this to me!" He begs desperately. She laughs and wraps an arm around the back of his neck, looking down to see who's calling.

"Hi Cary," she answers. Eric begins running his hands up under her blouse and pressing kisses to her neck. "No- yes, we just finished up. She, uh, she dismissed it. Yep. Okay, I'll be there soon."

Eric sighs and pulls away. "Duty calls?"

"Duty calls, unfortunately," she confirms as she starts straightening herself out and rebuttoning her blouse.

"I'll give you a five-minute head start," he offers glumly. "I'm gonna need it for things to... settle down anyway. I'll have a nice, long think about naked elderly people."

Alicia laughs. "Or you could take as long as you like... and have a nice long think about,  _me_?" She suggests, the desire probably as clear on her face as it is in her voice. She needs to get out of here before she doesn't leave at all.

She grins as Eric's face falls dramatically, his mouth wide open in shock. "Holy sh..." is all she hears from Eric before the bathroom door closes behind her.

* * *

Alicia sits at her desk, tapping her pen. Her lamp and the outside city lights provide the only illumination. She should probably head home, she's the last one here but she can't concentrate long enough to finish her notes. She starts at the sound of the elevator and relaxes when she sees Eric emerge from around the corner.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Alicia laughs, and rises from her desk to walk around the front and lean back on it. "What are you  _doing_  here?"

"Well, I've just been thinking about earlier this morning..." he trails off in a low, suggestive voice.

"Yes, it went well, an easy dismissal." Alicia knows that's not what he means. When he raises his eyebrows, she laughs and looks away almost bashfully. All of a sudden he's right there, leaning into her and gazing at her lips. She places a hand on his chest with a sad smile.

"Not even a kiss for the road?" He jokes.

"Look, Eric... it was... great, earlier today."

"But, there's still this thing with Will?" He guesses.

She closes her eyes and lets out a sigh. "Yes."

"Well I don't know what the story is with you two, but... if you ever want some more no strings fun, call me."

Alicia breaths out a laugh. "I will." He reaches for her hand, and this time she expects the kiss he presses to her knuckles. But it does cause a surge of desire to pulse through her. His grip on her hand loosens as he turns away, but Alicia holds tighter to stop him from leaving.

For a moment they are frozen - Eric looks back in confusion. Alicia pulls him towards her.

"One for the road?" Eric asks, going easily to her.

"One for the road," she murmurs, and their lips meet. Somehow they end up on top of Alicia's desk, half of the papers that used to be there flying off.

They should really find more appropriate places to fool around. When she says as much to Eric, he simply laughs and lays her down onto a cleared space of her desk.

"Don't be silly. You love how dangerous this is." And maybe she does. Either way, she's not complaining.

Nope, she's not complaining at all. Not judging by the noises he's pulling from her a matter of minutes later.


	15. Black Sheep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I've just discovered Gin Wigmore and I love her music, check out her song 'Black Sheep'! Again this chapter is a little longer. Thanks for reading, enjoy and please do let me know your thoughts on it. xx
> 
> YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7aNKstBCM4
> 
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7cGr5XY2pfj9b4UngCktG0

* * *

  _'I got lots of jealous lovers that all wish they had me back  
__Got a pistol for a mouth, my own mama gave me that_

_Making my own road out of gravel and some wine  
_ _And if I have to fall then it won't be in your line'_

Alicia lies in bed on her stomach, breathing slowly as she gradually awakens. She feels Eric's hand slide under the soft sheet to run his hand gently along the skin of her back. She closes her eyes again and draws in a deep breath. Not a bad way to wake up at all - and with Eric James of all people. Alicia wonders how on earth she managed to score a guy as sought-after and universally desired as Eric is.

She turns her head to face him and rests it on the pillow. "Why me?" She wonders aloud. Eric's sleepy smile turns into a confused one. "I'm sure you could have any girl you want, yet you're here with... a middle-aged,  _tired_ , divorced mother of two kids. A disgraced politician's ex-wife. Why is that?"

Eric lets out a chuckle. "I don't think of you as any of those things."

"And how do you see me then - what am I to you?"

Eric grins as he leans over and speaks quietly into her ear. "You're a MILF."

Alicia lets out a high pitched laugh and rolls onto her back, her insecurities subsiding momentarily. "I am?"

"Oh yeah. Look, Alicia, you might not see it but you're incredibly sexy. And ridiculously smart, which makes you even hotter."

Alicia's face heats up as she looks away. "I know it seems like I'm fishing for compliments, but I'm just... trying to figure out how I fit in with all of your young, screaming fans. And groupies."

Eric pulls Alicia closer to him. She takes the hint, sitting up to straddle him as he grips onto her waist and looks up at her. "You fit right here," he grins.

Alicia leans down to kiss him, running her hands down his bare chest. Before they can go any further, her phone interrupts them from the nightstand. "That'll be my daughter," she explains when she sees Eric's frown, reaching over him to take her phone which he's more than once threatened to throw off of a cliff. She presses answer before checking the caller ID, which turns out to be a mistake. She grimaces and lifts the phone to her ear. "Will? It's... Sunday."

"Alicia. I know, but this is about Colin Sweeney. You know how he is."

"Colin Sweeney? That's  _my_  client Will, what are you doing talking to Col-"

"He approached me," Will snaps. "He wants both of us to represent him. Some defamation suit." Alicia rolls her eyes exaggeratedly for Eric to see, as Will continues on the phone. "He wants me as well because I know the guy who-"

Eric snatches the phone out of her hand, and it takes a moment for her mind to catch up. She tries to pull the phone away from him but he puts it to his ear. "Will? Hi, Eric here. Alicia is a little preoccupied right now, and she has  _much_  better things to do on a weekend.  _Adult_  things. With me. You can sort this out tomorrow, okay bye!" He manages to hang up, despite Alicia grabbing desperately at the phone.

"I can't believe you just did that," she says, gaping at him in shock.

Well, this week is  _not_  going to be boring. That's a certainty.

* * *

Alicia and Will sit in the conference room, waiting for Colin Sweeney in awkward silence. Not a single word between them. Alicia doesn't know what she'd say if she had to speak anyway - " _I'm sorry"?_ _"I'm just with Eric to make you jealous"?_

A massive surge of relief floods through her when Sweeney enters the room. Who knew she would ever be relieved at the presence of  _Colin Sweeney_? The relief is almost instantly replaced by a flush of angry heat - Will doesn't waste a second before diving into his pitch, selling his firm to Mr. Sweeney and why they should take this case alone, without Florrick/Agos.

"I think you're misunderstanding me. I want both of you to represent me together," Sweeney states matter-of-factly.

Will gaze darts between her and Sweeney. "Yes, but I... don't think that would be beneficial. We're partners at rival firms."

Will seems so intent on going it alone, but Alicia knows that there is no other way - they need to take this case together or Sweeney won't go with either of them.

"Oh, I've never minded a little rivalry," he grins in response. An idea sparks from this in Alicia's mind.

"We worry that there will be some... tension if we both represent you," she explains, knowing fully well that this will only make Sweeney more excited.

"Because you took his clients and left him?" He asks.

"Yes," Will answers for her.

"No," she responds at exactly the same time. Mr. Sweeney raises his eyebrows. "Not just that," Alicia admits.

Will shoots her a warning glare. "What are you-"

"He's jealous," she explains, cutting him off.

Now Sweeney is interested. "Jealous, you say?"

A surge of adrenaline jolts through Alicia as she answers. "Yes, of Eric James. I represented him in a case. And well, now I'm sleeping with him." Sweeney is eating up every single one of Alicia's words. She should probably be concerned that she knows him well enough to get what she wants from him like this, but she's too exhilarated by his wild eyes, and by Will's incredulous glare. He looks like he simply cannot believe what Alicia is saying. Neither can she, really.

"Oh, well there's no way I'm allowing either of you to get out of this now," Sweeney informs them excitedly. "You won't be able to turn away the money I bring in. And I want  _details_ , Mrs. Florrick."

"Actually, it's Ms. Cavanaugh now," she corrects proudly. Sweeney's grin widens.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" Will demands at the elevator, after the doors close on Sweeney.

Alicia considers for a moment and looks up at him with a smile. "Client retention," she answers smugly.

'Oh, is that what you're calling it?" He taunts. "Are you sleeping with him too, or is that only for VIP clients like Eric James?" Alicia shakes her head with a humorless laugh. "I wouldn't put it past you," Will continues. "You seem to be no stranger to... ethically questionable relationships."

Alicia scoffs - Will has some nerve, lecturing her on this of all things. "You're referring to my sleeping with  _you_ , is that what this is about?" She claps back in a loud voice. "So let me get this straight - you won't have me, but no one else can either? Get over it, Will. My sex life is none of your damn business. Not anymore."

Will darts his head around, evidently conscious of others around them who could overhear Alicia's remarks. He takes her arm and pulls her into the elevator, probably to avoid making a more public spectacle of their argument. Alicia presses for the parking lot. To her own surprise, she doesn't actually care who overhears hears their conversation. Ruby's blunt, outspoken nature must be rubbing off on her.

"Did you think I wouldn't be able to find someone else?" Alicia presses tauntingly. "That I'd be imagining you when I'm with him, thinking of you when he's touching me? Imagining your-" She pauses as the elevator doors open to reveal people on another floor. "Can you get the next one, please? Thank you," She says with a smile and presses for the doors to close. She continues in a low voice, stepping closer to Will until he's up against the elevator wall - "Imagining your mouth instead of his? Your hands? Did you think you were the only one who could make me feel alive in that way?" Will's eyes glaze over in desire. He blinks as she steps back from him all of a sudden, and snaps him out of it with a louder voice. "Well, trust me - when I'm with him? You are the  _last_  thing on my mind. The very last." Alicia's closing remarks are completed with a perfectly-timed exit out into the parking garage. Will is left inside the elevator, worked up, breathing heavy and most likely pissed  _off_.

Alicia strides away, but before she can bask in her own victory, her phone rings. She checks the caller ID and lets out an angry groan before answering.

"Eli if you don't stop calling me I swear I will-"

"So you're out to get me? Out to get  _Peter_?! I know you're still angry about... Will's voicemail, but this is a whole other level, Alicia."

"And what exactly have I done wrong now?" She snaps.

"You're not serious, are you? Do you know how much damage control I've been doing, trying to hold all of these stories back? All the headlines?! 'Call Me Cavanaugh'? 'Courtroom Kiss'?! It's as if you're handing them these catchphrases on a silver platter!"

"Eli. You seem to forget that  _I don't care,"_ she yells. "Peter is not my husband anymore, and he was my only connection to you. Our interests are  _no longer aligned._  So I'm not hearing another word from you about public perceptions, headlines, the media. It's a no, Eli, no to  _everything_."

"This hurts your career too, Alicia-"

She's heard enough. She just takes the phone from her ear, barks "I don't give a damn," and hangs up. She has other places to be.

Other places, like the door of Eric's apartment (well, one of his apartments). As soon as it opens, she is wrapped around him and working at the buttons of his shirt.

"Is this about Will?" Eric asks into her persistent mouth.

"Yes," she responds instantly and pushes him down onto his couch. Alicia figures it's best to be honest, especially since she hadn't been truthful earlier. Will definitely wasn't the last thing on her mind.

* * *

"Alicia, I think you're missing the point," Ruby argues over the music in the bar, swinging around her glass animatedly. "This whole courthouse incident seems to have given you a 'screw everyone' attitude. Literally  _and_ metaphorically."

"Life's too short for... fake smiles," Alicia drawls, sipping on her tequila.

"No Alicia, life's too short to not tell people how you truly feel about them. And it's too short for all these silly mind games, all the jealousy!"

"He's the one playing games now!" The lawyer cries. "He brought  _Giada Cabrini_ into his work just for me to see the other day."

"Well, what did you expect? You need to be straight with Will, tell him how it is. He's tired of being pushed away by you, always sticking his neck out for you!"

"And how do you know that?" Alicia scoffs in frustration.

"I just do. Have you seen the movie '10 Things I Hate About You'? This is all about pride, Alicia. You have to sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score. That's if you even want to be with Will anymore. Do you?"

"Yes!" she cries in exasperation. "Of  _course_  I do."

"Well, then what on earth are you still doing with  _Eric James_?" Ruby demands.

"I don't know I just-" Alicia starts to yell, but continues in a calmer voice. "I just wanted to..." She knows the answer to Ruby's question, she just can't put it into words.

"You wanted to feel... wanted?" Ruby guesses.

Alicia nods with heated cheeks, looking down at her drink. "I hadn't had anything like that since Will. I mean, Peter and I had... but even our sex life wasn't the same after the scandal. And I'm only talking about sex here. Not about, you know, caring. Eric can touch me, but he can't... he can't break my heart, because he doesn't have it. With Will, it was both. We had this... crazy sex, but I was starting to care. It scared me."

" _Bloody hell_ ," Ruby groans and flops her head down onto her arms, resting on the bar. "I need to get laid."

Alicia laughs and asks, "So you aren't, currently?" Ruby only gives a wry, mysterious smile in response. She's similar to Kalinda in that way - it's like pulling teeth to get any information about her. Alicia takes this moment to gaze over at the young woman with a frown. "Are you okay?" She asks.

"Hm?" Ruby jerks her head up from staring intently down at her glass.

"It's just... I've never seen you drink, or check your phone so often. You just seem off, is all. Are you sure you're okay?" Alicia asks again.

"Oh yes, nothing wrong with a little self-medication. You heard it here first, folks, from the psychologist. No really, I'm fine. Just peachy," Ruby assures with a tipsy grin, leaning over to rest her head on her shoulder.

Alicia would probably push the matter more if she weren't so tipsy herself. She just ends up giggling and imitating Ruby's British accent, repeating her words. "Just peachy. Peachy, peachy."

"Peachy-Leeshy," Ruby responds in her own fit of giggles. She gasps dramatically and cries, "That's your nickname! Peach! Peachy, Peachy-Leeshy."

Alicia lets out a cackle. "You're so- w _e're_  so drunk. Man, I am going to be feeling this tomorrow morning."

"Yep. But it's okay! You know why?"

"Why?" Alicia asks in amusement.

"Because I looooove you," Ruby sings and leans over to wrap her arms around the taller woman.

Alicia laughs and pulls her in closer. So, she's one of  _those_  drunks. "Tell me what's going on," she asks quietly in a voice usually reserved for when she's in mother-mode.

"It's nothing," Ruby dismisses.

"Is it a boy? There's always a boy." The young woman rolls her eyes in response, but Alicia takes the silence as confirmation that she's on the right track.

Ruby shakes her head. "It's complicated."

Alicia gasps. "He's back in England, isn't he?" She's met with more silence. The melancholy, glazed-over look on the girl's face makes Alicia pout in sorrow and pull her in again.

"Since when are you the therapist in our relationship?" Ruby asks in a grumble. "I should be pestering you about what happened between you and Kalinda."

Alicia sighs, knowing this would come up again eventually. Best to get it over with. "A few years back, I found out that she slept with Peter," she admits bluntly.

" _What_?!" Ruby shouts, instantly on her feet. "She... that slimy,  _whoring_ little piece of shi-"

"Ruby," she yells and pulls the outraged therapist down onto her seat. "It was so long ago! We didn't know each other when it happened, and it only happened once."

"Oh, well I suppose that makes it okay then!" Ruby cries sarcastically.

"I've moved past it," Alicia insists. "Kalinda and I are... mending."

The therapist lets out a defeated sigh. "I guess that's a good thing. Forgiveness is... one of the most powerful forces you'll come across." Alicia nods and takes a sip of her drink. Ruby then asks, "And what about Eli?"

"What about him," Alicia grumbles with an eye-roll.

"Obviously you're choosing to hold on to that one, huh? But remember, this was  _before_  you and Will started seeing each other, right? Eli didn't actually stop you two from being together."

"Yes he did," Alicia argues. "Will and I weren't... together. We just had sex. I never knew that he loved me."

"Yeah, because Will was too chicken to tell you in person!" Ruby blurts out. "Now, are  _you_  too much of a wimp to tell him how  _you_  feel?"

Alicia's head is spinning - she doesn't know what to do or how to feel. So for now, she just drinks.


	16. I'm A Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm A Mess - Ed Sheeran
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtZRC_0Vc_A  
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/0xCA70t1ZA4fa9UOE0lIJm

* * *

_See the flames inside my eyes,_   
_It burns so bright, I wanna feel your love_

Alicia takes in a shaky, nervous breath and almost winces. "Can I come inside?" She asks Eric in his doorway. He instantly obliges, but once she walks through she stays standing awkwardly in the entry. Her heart is racing, she hasn't done this in  _forever._ She tries to say something, anything, but the words aren't coming out. Probably for fear of screwing everything up.

"So you've come to call things off?" Eric guesses with a knowing smile.

She blinks in shock. "How did you…"

"I can just tell, by that look. So things are going better with Will, then?"

"Not exactly," she admits. "But I figure they won't, not if you and I are still… seeing each other."

"Makes sense," he offers with a nod.

"I, um…" Alicia again struggles for words. But as she gazes over at Eric and considers everything, she knows what to say. "Things have been swirling around in my head lately. You came into my life at a really strange time. For a while, I felt a little… numb. But I'm glad you who were there while I muddled through it," she says decisively.

Eric's smile brightens as he exclaims, "Well that's great, because so am I." Alicia lets out a relieved breath of air as he pulls her in and plants a kiss on her cheek. "And hey, let me know whenever you want free concert tickets. I'll make it happen."

"I will," Alicia promises with a grin. "My kids will think I'm a lot cooler, that's for sure."

"Ah, don't mention it. Just little old me here, saving the world one MILF at a time." Alicia laughs as she turns to leave, and takes a moment to lean back outside the closed door.

Well, that was... easy.

* * *

Things are not so warm and fuzzy at the courthouse, later the same day. Will still seems to be holding onto his bitterness and resentment, made obvious by the way he's taking it out on Alicia with this Colin Sweeney case. She tries to reason with him, running behind him to catch up as he stalks through the courthouse.

"I don't give a damn, Alicia," he snaps once they've exited the building and headed out onto the street. "Represent him however you want, because this obviously isn't going to work with you undercutting me constantly. You'll just have to tell Colin Sweeney that-"

Alicia notices a car driving past, coming up to where he's crossing the road. She expects and waits for Will to see it too, before he steps out.

Except he doesn't.

Will is too busy glaring back at her as he argues, continuing to walk into the oncoming traffic. Alicia's blood runs cold. She lunges forward, grabs at Will's shirt, at his arm, at anything. She pulls him back with as much strength as she can manage, causing Will to fall and land on top of her. The car honks as it skids away. As soon as they land on the pavement, Will rolls from on top of Alicia and ends up on his back. She sits up, and suddenly she's in the courtroom shooting again. She's leaning over him, she can see the fear and shock in his eyes. Will isn't bleeding this time, he's not even hurt, and they're out in the open rather than between the gallery seats of a courtroom. But she still feels the same horror run through her.

"Dammit!" She cries and starts whacking at his chest. "Dammit Will, would you  _stop it_?! Can't you take a single step without scaring me half to death in the process?! Didn't you learn to  _look_  when you cross a road?!" Alicia has never yelled at anyone like this in her entire life. Will gapes at her. This is the closest she has ever felt to having a full-blown panic attack, and of course, it's while she's rolling around on the pavement in front of a bunch of lawyers. Before Alicia completely loses the ability to breathe, Will manages to placate her somewhat, somehow.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. I'm okay," he soothes, as she falls into his arms while they're still on the ground. This is when Alicia's eyes close, and the tears fall.

"Please, please stop scaring me like that," she whimpers, letting out shaky breaths. She wraps her arms around him, fingers gripping tightly onto the back of his shoulders, and Alicia doesn't plan on letting him go. Not anytime soon.

* * *

"Are you sure you're alright?" Will asks, calling for Alicia's attention as she sits on the couch in his office, just staring intently out his window.

Her face heats up awkwardly. She should be making sure  _he's_  okay, not the other way around. This is just like last time. "Hm? Uh, yeah I'm fine." She declines his offer of a drink, takes in a breath to steel herself and remembers what Ruby told her about pride and honesty. "Will, I can't do this. The fighting, the anger… I-"

_I care about you too much for all of that_ , she wants to say

"We're fine," Will assures her before she can muster up the courage to actually say it.

"No, no we're  _not_ ," Alicia insists, heating up in frustration. "And it's my fault. I was provoking you, I- I  _wanted_  you to be angry... jealous. It was stupid. But I never wanted to hurt you." Will pauses from pouring himself a drink to wordlessly look down at his feet. "Eric and I, we were never serious."

"I figured that," he teases in a deadpan voice. "I guess we're both stupid then, since I did the same thing with Giada. That was never serious either," Will admits. Alicia rolls her eyes. "So it  _did_  make you jealous," he notes with a grin.

She sighs, reminding herself that she needs to be honest. "Yes, it did." Will raises his eyebrows, obviously not expecting the confession. "What is she, like 12 years old?"

"Something like that," Will chuckles.

Alicia tries to smile in response, but it fades after a moment of silence between them.

"I'm sorry," she whispers in a tear-thickened voice.

Will instinctively reaches out and places his hand over hers. After what seems like a momentary hesitation, he then grips her hand tighter and intertwines their fingers. He doesn't speak, but he doesn't have to.

_I forgive you._

* * *

Alicia sits alone at the table, kids finished dinner and long gone off to Peter's for the weekend. She flips over the paper in her hand and reads it again.

One of Ruby's exercises for Alicia was to write a letter to Will, containing every unfiltered, uncensored thought about him, things that she only tells him in her head. Ruby made it clear that not even she would be reading the letter, in order to avoid Alicia holding anything back. She'd done as Ruby instructed, but offered to let the counselor read through it afterward anyway.

Ruby's eyes had glistened as they scanned the letter. "If you don't read this to him," she'd said, "if you don't tell him every word of this... I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty."

Alicia looks at herself in the mirror. What is she willing to risk in order to be with Will? How much does she want this? She remembers a time, standing in front of this very mirror with the same uncertainty pulsing through her.

l * * * l

_After applying some lipstick, and checking the time - 8:45 is when they'd arranged for Will to arrive - Alicia hears his knocks at the door. She has to give herself a pep talk in the mirror so she will muster up the courage to answer it. Is this what she really wants? She decides that it is, that it's time to put her feelings first for a change, as she opens the door._

_Will stands there with a gentle smile that makes Alicia's heart pick up speed slightly. So, they're actually doing this. They're having an affair, not just a drunken one night stand. - they're sleeping with each other. She invites him in and offers a drink but Will refuses, distractedly gazing at her lips._ _They both know why he's here._ _Lucky she wore that lipstick._

_His mouth instantly meets hers, before starting a trail of fiery, open-mouthed kisses from her jaw to her neck and down to her racing heart, as he begins unbuttoning her white blouse. Her nerves have now been replaced with a burning desire. His hands grip gently onto her waist from behind as she leads him to the bedroom._

l * * * l

Alicia sighs and looks down. Will hadn't stayed that night. She remembers he'd offered to, over her shoulder as they laid in bed. But Alicia had turned him away. She could do the affair thing, the sex thing, but not the meaningful talks and feelings. Now all these regrets have come back to haunt her. She needs to get out of this apartment.

Alicia drives aimlessly for a while. It's nearing the middle of the night, but it's Thursday so Ruby should be at the hospital. The therapist is smiling, balancing on her chair with some grapes in her mouth when she greets Alicia.

"Hey Peach, what are you doing up at this hour-" once Ruby gets a good look at the lawyer, her expression changes. "What's the matter?" She asks quickly.

"I've been so stupid," Alicia whispers tearily.

"Hey, hey. You're freezing cold. Stupid, about what, exactly?" She asks soothingly as she stands to put an arm around Alicia.

"Everything. Will - the firm, Peter," she lists, frantic and distraught.

"And what can you do about it right now?" Ruby asks. "You mustn't focus on your regrets, you can't change the past. Figure out which steps you want to take  _now_."

Alicia takes a breath - nods, frowns. Wordlessly, she squeezes Ruby's hand and races off.

* * *

The cold evening air kisses Alicia's cheeks as she paces outside the building and thinks. She thinks about her kids, about the shooting, about Cary and her at the firm. But mostly she thinks about Will. Of all the times she avoided getting too close to him. What if it's too late to try and mend things, what if he's been pushed away by her too much in the past?

Alicia is biting on her lip as she steps through the elevator doors. They reveal the empty, dark offices of Lockhart/Gardner, the light from Will's office providing illumination. She takes slow nervous steps to his door, opening it with a racing heart. Will looks up and stares at her. She goes to say something, anything, but chokes up. There is nothing but silence between them. His brows furrow at Alicia in his office at this time of night. She stammers wordlessly and turns to leave instead.

This was stupid.

But before she completely steps back out, an indescribable force stops her at the doorway. She turns around and steels herself. Will raises his eyebrows expectantly.

"I love you," she blurts, the words falling out of her mouth.

Will drops his pen and stares. It's clearly not what he was expecting to hear, but it's out now.

After a falter, a stutter, she lifts up the letter she wrote and continues, "I had all these other things I was supposed to tell you. But I just- that's all I want to say. I do, I love you. And I haven't just suddenly decided this, I've known all along. I just never accepted it." Will stares at her as the words sink in. "But almost losing you earlier this year... it made me realize that life is so short, that nothing really matters if you're not honest. And if I'm honest - I want everything with you, Will."

Alicia has nothing more to say. Will doesn't seem to have much in the way of words either, so she turns to leave him at his desk with a pensive frown on his face. It's probably better that he doesn't respond instantly, that he takes some time to process. At least that's what she tells herself as she slowly walks down the empty hall, steps into the elevator and presses for the lobby. She leans on the back wall of the elevator and lets out a sigh, closing her eyes. She did it. She finally owned up to how she feels. But before she's taken away from the aftermath of her confession, three things happen in the blink of an eye.

First, a hand - reaching through and stopping the elevator doors from closing.

Second, Will - striding forward with an unreadable expression on his face. Is it anger? Is it pain? Is it love?

Third, his arms - gently pulling Alicia in by the waist.

He presses his lips to hers, and finally, finally. He came back for her. Alicia sighs into his kiss and it feels like coming up for air, even though his warm lips are making her breathless, just like the first time and every time. She eagerly wraps herself around him as Will tightens his grip to lift her up into his arms.

Alicia laughs into his lips before they pause for a moment, just pressing their foreheads together and sharing each other's breath.

"Hi," she whispers, bringing her hand up to caress his cheek.

A smile rises onto Will's face under her touch. "Hi," he responds.


	17. Genesis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genesis - Dua Lipa 
> 
> YouTube (acoustic) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAQ77H7Fzfw  
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvrAn5ZdL6Y
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/4P76CEIXrrWT2cgS1YrTMr

* * *

_'How can we go back to the beginning?  
_ _Without you, I've got no air to breathe in  
_ _How can we go back to the beginning?'_

Alicia and Will, too immersed in each other, don't see the figure standing on the other side of the elevator as the doors open onto the lobby.

"Well, I suppose I'll get the next one."

At the sound of the voice, Alicia instantly breaks the kiss and jerks her head up to see Diane. Will looks up too, and his sudden scrambling causes Alicia to slide down the elevator wall that he was holding her up against.

"Sorry, sorry," Will apologizes to her quickly, fumbling again and luckily helping her onto her feet before any further embarrassment. They both turn back to Diane, who lets out one of her trademark elegant laughs.

"You're like two deer in headlights! You can relax, I'm happy for you." Alicia and Will let out their own breaths of laughter and look at each other in relief. "Is... is this your floor?" Diane asks in amusement.

"Ah no, well all of my things are still up in the offices. This kind of just... happened," Will explains awkwardly.

Alicia has to cover her face with her hand and silently laugh into it as they all ride up the elevator together.

"Well I'll be out of your hair in no time, I just forgot my laptop. And again, I'm glad that you two are working things out."

"Even though you won't have me all to yourself anymore?" Will asks teasingly. Diane laughs again, placing a hand on his shoulder as Alicia smiles at the two. She's always admired them.

Will heads to his office, but Diane trails behind and calls for Alicia with a fond smile. "Don't you dare hurt him," she instructs, but her tone is soft and she brings Alicia in for a hug.

"I won't," Alicia promises quietly into her shoulder. They continue towards the partners' offices together, and Diane leaves them with her laptop and a wave.

In his office, Will is pouring two glasses of bourbon. Alicia smiles as she sits down on the couch. "I thought this was a thing for only you and Diane," she jokes.

"Usually yes, but I'll make an exception." He shuffles up next to Alicia and hands her a glass. "So," he starts.

"So..."

"That happened."

"Yeah," Alicia laughs.

"And what does it mean?" Will asks.

"Well, I hope it means that we can find a way to... be together. For real, more real than last time."

"And you want that? You meant what you said to me before?"

"Of course," she insists. "Will... the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. And I'm so sorry that I did. I was just scared of how much I cared for you." Will places a hand on her leg, and she can't help but lean even closer to him, into his touch. "I was scared of how much... how much I loved you. But I'm not anymore, I'm not running away from this." At Alicia's soft words, Will puts down his glass and uses the hand not squeezing her leg to brush a lock of her hair from her face. She wants to kiss him, sure, but right now not as much as she wants to curl up into his side and rest her head on his shoulder. So she does exactly that. He instantly welcomes the gesture and wraps an arm around Alicia. Hearing his steady heartbeat, feeling the warmth of his arms, is the most comforting thing she's experienced in a long while.

She could stay like this forever. In fact, she could fall asleep like this. So she does.

"Alicia." She hears a whisper of her name, feels a hand playing with her hair, and lips pressing a kiss onto her forehead. "Alicia we fell asleep. It's 1 am."

She shoots up and looks around at the dark offices, finding Will's amused smile illuminated by the city lights outside. "Oh, I've gotta go," she groans and falls back onto the couch. "I gotta go," she repeats and sits up again. Will passes Alicia her shoes and helps her put on her coat. "I'll call you?" She asks, frantically around to find her phone.

Will holds the phone out to her, and Alicia smiles. "You can, as long as you keep track of this."

"I will," she laughs. After the slightest hesitation, Alicia steps forward. "Bye," she says softly, pressing a parting kiss to Will's lips.

After beginning to walk away, she then has a realization. "I actually don't have the kids this weekend."

"Did you... want me to come over?" Will asks tentatively after a moment of hesitation.

Alicia bites her lip. "Did you  _want_  to?"

"Yeah," Will nods. "I guess we have some stuff to talk about."

As they ride down in the elevator, Will slides an arm around her waist. "What is it with us and elevators?" He murmurs. Alicia laughs quietly into his shoulder.

Once they've reached her apartment, Alicia walks through and quickly picks up after her children who rushed out the door earlier this morning. As she enters Grace's room to put back some books, Alicia notices the seating area in front of her window, the view of the city outside. She leaves the light off and walks over, opening the blind and window right up before taking a seat. She lets the evening air caress her skin and play with her hair. The wind is cold but refreshing.

"I just realized," Will starts as he steps into the room and walks over to Alicia, "you've never actually heard me say the words to you."

"What words?" She asks with a small smile, already knowing the answer. Will takes a seat next right next to her to share some of his warmth and slides his fingers through her hair. The tender look he gives her makes her heart race.

"I love you, Alicia. I love you so much. I've loved you since you were 22 years old and I never stopped."

Alicia feels tears sting at her eyes. She smiles and jokes to brush it off. "Not even when you hated me?"

Will laughs and puts an arm around her. "Nope. Even when I hated you, I loved you."

Being in her apartment with Will like this is strange, to say the least. There's a moment where neither of them quite know what to do. After a hesitation, a smile, Alicia feels Will's fingers gently brush against hers before intertwining. They lean closer to each other with a seemingly magnetic force. She won't be able to recall later how it happened, but she finds wrapped around him with her lips pressed to his.

After a few moments, she gains enough capacity and will-power to break the kiss and pull away from him. "No. This isn't why I asked you here. Well, not the only reason," she admits bashfully.

"We can deal with everything else later. Right now, I just..."

"I know," Alicia soothes. "I need you, too..." she whispers with her forehead pressed to his.

Alicia takes his hand and leads them slowly out of Grace's room. Once they're in her bedroom, once he begins unbuttoning her blouse, she's hit with the realization that this is happening, they're actually doing this again, and her heart is pounding out of her chest. After knowing Will for as long as she has, after all their history, you'd think that she would be calmer than this. But it's just like the first time, all of the anticipation and desire is still there.

But something is holding her back. Will must also notice the tension in her small frame as he presses kisses down one of her shoulders. He halts and asks if something's wrong, but she shakes her head and starts undoing the buttons on his dress shirt.

She realizes what's been unnerving her once she pulls away the shirt to reveal Will's chest and shoulder. She sees the scars, the gunshot wounds, healing but very visible as she traces her fingers over the wound on his shoulder. It makes her freeze. It makes her bite her lip. It makes her cry.

Will hushes her and pulls her into his embrace, her tears now falling onto his skin.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Will soothes.

"Sorry," she apologizes, Will gently wiping at her wet cheeks. She tries to resume things as they were, fully removing his shirt and running her hands down his shoulders. But Will can tell that she's still not okay,

"We don't have to do this tonight, Alicia," he says. "If you're not feeling comfortable or-"

"No, no," Alicia insists as she cuts him off. This is the main reason why she loved being with Will, she always knew that her safety and comfort with him were the most important things. "I want this, I just... I don't want to mess this up - and I have. It's stupid." Alicia sighs and stands up from where she was straddling Will on the bed.

"Here, let me get you some water," he offers and heads to the kitchen. Alicia stays to think for a moment but follows him out soon after, determined to not ruin this night, to make it special. As she enters the kitchen, she sees Will spot a small jar of coconut oil on the bench. He picks it up, raising his eyebrows as he shows it to Alicia.

"Ruby," she explains with a breath of teary laughter. "She's convinced that coconut oil is the cure to absolutely everything."

"Well, in this case, it might be. Come on," he beckons, taking her hand and leading her back into the bedroom.

Will helps to remove the rest of her blouse, asking her to lie down on the bed, roll over onto her stomach. At this point, Alicia is biting her lip and a bundle of nerves. Her breath hitches as she feels Will undo her bra, but she helps him remove it by lifting her arms through the straps. After a few moments, she feels his warm hands rubbing the coconut oil into the tense muscles of her back and shoulders. Alicia exhales and closes her teary eyes. She's getting a massage.

He presses and squeezes his way through every tense muscle, every knot, and Alicia feels like she could float away on a cloud. She nuzzles into her pillow and wonders if this is what heaven is like.

Just as she feels like she could fall asleep from how relaxing it all is, she feels his hands reach her lower back. He tentatively pulls at her skirt, and Alicia wriggles to help him remove it. His warm, oil-slicken hands venture under her panties to the flesh of her cheeks, and she can't sit still anymore. Her whole body heats up with desire as he kneads into her, and she can't help but let out a low moan. Squirming and more impatient now, she turns around onto her back. Will's eyes are glazed over as they take Alicia in, and he slowly removes the arm Alicia is using to cover her bare chest. That's one thing she's always felt self-conscious about. She liked to keep a bra on even when she was with Peter, and Will had never seen her naked until she was older and had breastfed two children. But somehow, he makes her feel like every inch of her body is beautiful and desirable.

All thoughts of self-consciousness vanish as soon as his hands grasp both of her breasts. She gasps as she feels his fingers play with her nipples to awaken them, sighs as his hands glide down her torso to knead at every part of her body and set it on fire. It's way too much and not nearly enough at the same time. With her eyes closed, she doesn't expect it when she feels Will's hot, wet mouth on the inside of her thighs, and she's already grasping at the bedsheets as tightly as she can.

"Will," she whines, trying to tell him that this is supposed to be about them and not only her. She's so delirious from his touch that she only re-enters the real world once Will freezes.

"You okay?" He asks.

"Don't stop, don't you  _dare,"_  Alicia orders frantically. Will is about to return to her thighs with a satisfied grin when she grabs his hair to stop him. "Actually, I... I want you up here. I want you to make love to me."

He looks up at her like she's offered him the whole world on a silver plater, and brushes back her hair with one hand. "I will. But first..." It trails down her body, caressing and drawing out moans and gasps along the way until he reaches where she aches for him the most. Feeling his fingers is just too much, and she grabs his hand.

"Dammit Will, I want you inside me  _right now_ ," Alicia grits out.

Will grins, knowing now that she is fully ready, that this is definitely what she wants, and all too happily sits up to oblige.

They become one again for the first time in what feels like forever. Alicia is overwhelmed by the unexplainable closeness of their souls, not just their bodies. Foreheads pressed together, they reconnect in ways that she never thought would happen again. Everything that was once hers and once his, becomes theirs. Their breath, their passion, their regrets, all shared between each other. All of the resentment and remorse slips away. It feels like returning home.

Later, recovering from the overwhelming intimacy they've shared, Alicia exhales through her nose and rests her head on his bare chest. His arms around her tighten in response, but her eyes stay open as she hears rain begin to patter against the windows.

She suddenly knows that she wants this forever.

* * *

For the second time that night she finds herself at the hospital, asking for Ruby. Once she considers what time it is, she realizes that maybe this could've waited until tomorrow instead of 3 in the morning, but she is so buzzed that she doesn't stop the nurse from going to get her. Ruby's often said how she can usually be found here because, in her own words, she has no life.

The small therapist comes running down the hall with a distressed frown. "Alicia? Alicia what's happened-" she races to her, grabbing her shoulders before bringing one hand up to Alicia's forehead.

"Oh no, no I'm okay I'm just... drenched from the rain," Alicia laughs.

"Bloody hell Peach, you just took ten years off my life. What on earth are you doing here at this hour?"

"I spoke to Will," she starts as they walk down the hall together.

"And...?" Ruby encourages her to continue with a concerned frown.

"I told him everything... well, that I love him."

Ruby gasps. "What did he say?"

"Nothing, well nothing at first," Alicia tells her. Ruby's face falls in disappointment before the lawyer continues. "All he did was kiss me..."

At this sheepish admission and her coy smile, Ruby gapes.

"He what?! Ahh!" Ruby squeals and practically jumps onto her. Alicia would be taken aback if she didn't share the same enthusiasm for the situation, and instead laughs and wraps her arms around the small therapist until a man's voice interrupts them.

"Ruby, what's going on?" Alicia instantly feels Ruby pull back and look over to whoever spoke. It's her boss, Holland she thinks his name is.

"Dr. Holland," Ruby greets.

"I didn't realize that you were still working with Mrs. Florrick," Holland notes suspiciously.

"Oh, I'm not. We just... took a shining to each other," the therapist replies smugly. "And she goes by Ms. Cavanaugh now."

"I see..." Holland's brow is still furrowed, but he excuses himself and leaves the two women in the hall as Ruby instantly begs her for every single detail. She's more than happy to oblige.

* * *

Alicia tries not to wake Will as she slides back into bed under the sheets next to him, but he rolls over and whispers sleepily, "Hey, where were you?"

"I went out for a bit, I left a note. Didn't mean to disturb you," she apologizes in a whisper.

"It's okay, though I can't say I liked waking up without you before," he responds with a yawn.

Alicia smiles down at the drowsy man in her bed. "Well then go back to sleep and we can try it all over again." She caresses his face softly before curling into his side, enveloped by his warm body and soothed by his hands, gently squeezing around her body to her shoulders. "Goodnight, well, good morning," she whispers and finally lets herself sleep. It feels like she's resting for the first time in centuries.


	18. First Day Of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwFS69nA-1w
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/5OiaAaIMYlCZONyDBxqk4G

* * *

 

Alicia smiles into her pillow. She feels Will's warm body next to her, his limbs intertwined with hers. It's not a dream that she's about to wake up from - and she doesn't have to roll over and pretend that it never happened like last time. They're waking up with each other, and that's okay. They love each other.

"What are you smiling about?" Will whispers.

"The rain," Alicia replies sheepishly. "Just, being here. Waking up with you. It's pretty great."

"It is, isn't it?" Will plays with the locks of Alicia's hair and brushes them behind her ears. She curls into him and just enjoys feeling his chest rise and fall for a little while.

Once Alicia's dragged herself from her bed in the name of coffee, Will follows her out into the kitchen.

"I thought you were making coffee?" He asks, glancing at the orange juice in her hand.

"Decided against it. I've been trying to stay away from caffeine," she explains. "I can still make you one?"

"No, no. This is fine."

As Alicia pours him a glass, she feels his warm arms slide around her from behind and she has to stop and smile. After a moment relishing in his embrace, she turns around in his arms to face him.

"We need to talk."

"Okay," Will agrees. "Let's talk."

* * *

\- - 9:36 AM - -

"I offered you managing partner!" Will barks.

"I couldn't possibly have taken it!" Alicia argues back. "I saw how Diane's exit package was being negotiated and I just couldn't do that with you, Will. Besides, we were already planning on leaving."

"Speaking of leaving, why? Why did you do it?" He demands.

"For the same reason that I couldn't be your partner! I felt like I'd always be... under you. I'd always get second billing."

"You really think I'd treat you like that?! After everything?"

"I just... I couldn't do it, Will! I couldn't go in there, every single day... and look at you across the hall, through those damned glass walls, and not want what we used to have. I'd always be wishing for it again. Wanting to be with you. It was easier to just run the other way."

"Run the other way, to who, Eric James?"

"Eric was... a fling. I've told you that it didn't mean anything."

"And what about Peter?"

"Peter was-"

"Peter was what?!"

"Peter was-" Alicia starts to yell, but then stops herself. She needs to do this rationally. "I used Peter to try and prove to myself... that I could be happy without you." After a prolonged silence, she stands and tries to hold back tears. "It didn't work."

"You were trying to be happy without me?" He asks, more softly now.

"I thought it was easier that way. Without you. But when you were shot, seeing you lying there... I realized I could lose you. I thought of all the things that I would miss about you, all the regrets I had," Alicia starts to explain. "I wasn't serious about us when we were together last time. I thought I was just attracted to you, and that was it. But I realized as much as I enjoyed being with you in that way... that wasn't what I was going to miss. I was going to miss just talking with you into the late hours about everything and nothing, watching you pitch, working through the night on a case with you... watching you win it the next day." Alicia pauses for a moment, her next words coming out shaky and emotional. "I'd miss being in your arms..."

At this, Will pulls her in and holds her as tightly as he can.

"I can't lose you, Will, I just can't," she sobs. The only thing that grounds her is Will's hand stroking her back.

* * *

\- - 9:54 AM - -

Alicia steps into the steamy bath, as Will removes his shirt. Before he joins her in the bathtub, he's stopped by Alicia's hand softly tracing along the scar on his abdomen.

"Does it hurt?" She asks, almost a whisper.

He slowly steps in and slides down behind her. Alicia relaxes back into his bare chest when he answers. "No, well sometimes. Only if I'm really straining and using my core."

Alicia closes her eyes. She almost can't believe that she's laid here with Will, in the water feeling his skin on hers. She sits up and swivels around so she can press a soft kiss to the top of Will's chest, right on his other wound. He then helps her slide forward to wrap her legs around him, chests flush with each other as their bodies intertwine. Will's lips attach to the top of her shoulder, and she wraps her arms around him to entangle her fingers in his hair. She suddenly feels closer to him, more intimate with him than ever before.

* * *

\- - 10:47 AM - -

"I don't get it..." Will frowns.

"He's about to kill him," Alicia explains, munching on popcorn as she points to 'Darkness at Noon' on the television. "She's got an obsession with that guy and he's out to get both of them."

"What about the bald guy?" Will asks, feeding her some more popcorn before resting his arm back around her waist.

"Oh, he's completely clueless, he has no idea what's going on. Sort of like you," Alicia notes teasingly and plants a kiss on Will's cheek. He rolls his eyes, but wriggles to get closer to her as the lay on the couch.

* * *

\- - 11:28 AM - -

"Oh so it was alright for you to go off and date Laura, and sleep with that college student  _Giada_  - but I'm in the wrong because of  _Eric_?"

"No, that's not it and you know it!" Will argues. "You said it yourself, you were provoking me. You rubbed it in my face, told me you never thought of me at all." Alicia lets out a frustrated sigh. So we're back to this again. "But you did think of me, didn't you?" He steps closer to her, raising his eyebrows. His hands grab at her waist and her breath hitches.

"Yes," she admits huskily. "Yeah, I did."

* * *

\- - 11:35 AM - -

"Only me..." Will pulls at her dressing gown, removing it and laying her down on the sofa.

"Only you..."

Feeling his touch instantly sends her into a delirious state, her whole body is in total submission to his firm, urgent hands. She never used to give herself up this easily, but with him losing control just feels  _so good._ She completely trusts him to look after her, that whatever he does she is safe.

"Did he make you feel like this?" While his teeth gently pull at her earlobe, Alicia gasps as his hands reach under her shirt to play with her breasts. "Did he?" He presses once again.

"No," Alicia answers breathlessly. She lies back and gives her body to Will Gardner.

* * *

_Walking along the waterfront, Alicia's heart is beginning to race. She can see the way Will is looking at her, there's an electricity that's surging through his hand and brushing against hers. She never thought they'd end up here at the start of this year, their freshman year at Georgetown, what with her turning him down at all. But as it turns out, they still get on tremendously. And tonight, well something feels different tonight._

_"You cold?" Will asks next to her as they look out over the water._

_"No," Alicia shivers. "Yes," she admits straight after bashfully._

_Tonight is different because usually, she'd have expected Will to put his coat around her. Friendly, warm. But tonight Will wraps his arms around her, enveloping her with his whole body. He doesn't stop there, pressing his cheek up against hers. It makes Alicia's breath hitch before mingling with his, and she has to close her eyes. She focuses on the cold wind and her breathing, otherwise, she'll start thinking too much. Thinking about how she should be here with Peter, not with Will. But she doesn't, her mind is clouded by how safe and comfortable she feels. She relaxes to the point where she can listen to her instincts, telling her to slightly reposition her cheek so their faces are pressed even closer together. Their foreheads and noses touch as they gradually turn to each other. She feels his lips and that's when she can't think of anything else. Will turns so he can properly pull her in and kiss her, drawing out a small gasp from Alicia's mouth and gently entangling his fingers in her hair. She's intoxicated by his lips and his cologne and how warm he is and she shouldn't be doing this-_

_"No, no." She pulls away, her lips still on fire. "I can't..."_

_"Sorry-" Will starts, but Alicia cuts him off with a shake of her head._

_"Don't be, it was me too. I... I have to go," she announces and races away. In a split second, she's falling and her stomach drops-_

_/ / / /_

Alicia gasps and shoots up from the couch, where she was lying on Will's lap. He starts and looks down at her.

"You okay? Bad dream?"

"Something like that..." Alicia answers and lays back down with a sigh. "Actually it was about our first kiss. Our  _first_ , first kiss. At Georgetown."

"It was so bad that you have nightmares about it?" Will asks with amusement in his voice.

"It was more  _after_  the kiss that was the nightmare. We never actually talked about it after it happened."

"Nope," Will answers. "We just... stayed the way we were. And you stayed with Peter."

"I was in love with you back then, you know." Her quiet words make Will's hand freeze where it was combing through her hair. "I never realized it until now. Why... why didn't I come to you? Why did it take me so long?" She asks forlornly.

"You said it was romantic because it didn't happen."

"Well, this seems a lot more romantic to me," she jokes and brings him down for a kiss. "Maybe I was wrong," she whispers into his lips.

* * *

\- - 2:18 PM - -

"Who tells someone that they love them, for the  _first time_ , in a  _voicemail_?!" Alicia cries, glaring at Will across the kitchen counter.

"I had a... surge of courage," Will answers. "I thought saying something radical like that would make you change your mind."

"So you didn't mean it?"

"Of course I meant it!" Will instantly barks back.

Alicia pauses for a moment, suddenly holding back tears. "Then why did you deny it later?" She asks weakly.

"Like I said, it was a brief moment of courage. I didn't have the guts to say anything later on. I also thought that maybe you did actually hear it - maybe you just wanted me to say it to your face, after you heard the voicemail and just ignored it. I hinted at it when we together last time, but you shut me down, remember? Then everything with the firm happened, and the shooting. And you went off with Eric..."

"Seriously? That's what you're blaming this on?!"

"Look, Alicia... we need to do this differently."

"I know," she sighs. "I think... I think I know someone who can help us."

After a brief silence, Will realizes what she is suggesting. "No," he says. "Absolutely  _n_ _o_."

* * *

Ruby freezes as she turns the corner onto the hallway. She sees Alicia sitting in the waiting area - which is to be expected as they meet every week at this time. But today, Will is there sitting next to her. Ruby nearly jumps out of her skin.

Once they both spot her, they go to stand up but she raises a finger and mouths for them to wait a moment. After quickly turning back and walking around the corner - out of their eyesight - she can't help but bounce around excitedly and do a few crazy victory fist-pumps. It's worth the strange looks she gets from others walking by.

After she's managed to compose herself enough to lead Alicia and Will to her office, she sits them down and takes a seat herself with a sigh.

"So," she starts, "this is a surprise."

"You're surprised that I brought him?" Alicia asks.

"I am, I didn't expect you to convince him to show up. But I guess you're doing it for her and not for me, am I right?"

"That would be correct," Will confirms in a deadpan voice.

"Well, you're here now. And I think we got off on the wrong foot. Ruby," she introduces and holds out her hand.

After a moment of hesitation, the frowning man decides not to leave her hanging and reaches his hand out to shake hers. "Will," he responds.

"So I'm guessing you two aren't sitting in my office for no reason, that there's stuff you need to work through. So who wants to go first?"

Alicia instantly speaks up. "Well, we have no problems in terms of intimacy, and romance - that's all still there. But if we argue, we don't resolve it and then we just end up... well, having sex," she starts, making Will's eyes nearly bug out of their sockets in shock. He's probably never seen her in this environment before, speaking so openly and so  _much_. "It's outside of that bubble, once we start discussing the issues we had before, how things are going to work for us now. Real-world things."

"Right, so you've got the romance, now you need the plan." Ruby's reference to their fateful phonecall makes Will look even more shocked if that's possible. "Yep, we've talked about absolutely  _everything,"_  she informs him plainly. "So give me an example, what's an issue you keep stumbling on?"

"Me leaving, to start the firm with Cary."

Ruby pauses to think for a moment and decides what to say. "Here's the thing Alicia, when someone is rejected over and over, it makes them understandably reluctant to jump into anything all of a sudden. Will's so used to putting himself out there and getting shut down."

"But-" Alicia tries to defend, but Ruby cuts her off.

" _Even_  if you didn't mean to. Even if you were just trying to be a responsible wife and mother and lawyer. The fact of the matter is, Will's been hurt by you."

Will leans forward, more intrigued now and probably validated by the fact that he's being stuck up for in this situation.

"Right, so what do we do?" Alicia asks.

"Well Alicia you and I have worked a lot on this already, haven't we? And Will's here with you now, wanting to make this work." Ruby notes before turning to Will. "You must really love her," she tells him solemnly and Will looks down. "Now, you need to learn to  _trust_  her again. This won't work unless both of you are willing to start over and put everything on the line. Can you do that?"

The man breaks the eye contact with a pensive look on his face. "Start over?" He asks Alicia quietly.

A soft smile rises on her face as she takes his hand. "Yeah, start over."

Ruby breaks their special moment with a scoff. "Ugh, you two are disgusting."

Alicia gives a trademark roll of her eyes and turns to Will. "Oh, don't mind Ruby," she instructs him. "She's just mad because she's not getting any."

"You  _bitch,_ " Ruby gasps. Alicia grins in response as Will gapes at the two women's exchange. He eventually shakes his head with a resigned smile. It takes a little while but Will ends up being just as actively involved in the discussion about their relationship, addressing his insecurities and sharing his problems and solutions with the two women. Ruby feels like a proud mother. "Right, before you leave I need to speak to both of you alone for a minute. Will first." Alicia slowly rises from her seat and exits the room, leaving her man looking scared and almost desperate before turning hesitantly back to the therapist.

Ruby leans in over the desk with narrowed eyes. "If you hurt her," she threatens lowly, "in any way, shape or form... to any degree whatsoever... you will wish that you were never born. I will personally guarantee it. I will- I will dismember you. I will sever your testicles off - with the bluntest object I can find. Understood?"

Will shakily nods, a distinct shade of white.

"Good," she drawls with a sickly sweet smile and shows him out.

"What did you say to him?" Alicia asks suspiciously after gawking at Will.

"Oh just the standard chat, he'll be fine. So. How are you doing?"

"Good, good," the lawyer answers as if in autopilot. Ruby gives her a deadpan look, she knows better than to answer her with  _good._ "I feel like I'm floating on a cloud, Roo. I mean, sure we've had our bumps this weekend but I'm happy," Alicia says with a disbelieving smile. "I'm... I'm really happy."

Ruby can't do anything but squeal and wrap her arms around Alicia. "This is what you deserve, Peach. You deserve love."

Her voice cracks with emotion as she responds. "Yeah, yeah I do."

* * *

"So... logistics."

"Yeah," Alicia sighs.

"You wanna go first?"

"Sure. My kids... they're everything, Will. They have to come first with everything. I need... I really need to do this right with them. I can't screw this up."

"Of course, this will be completely on your terms when it comes to your kids. I've always known that they were part of the deal."

"Good... good."

"What about work?"

"Well... I think we should avoid being on cases together."

"What, so every time we go to court we have to make sure the other person isn't-"

"I'm just saying that-"

"Wait, Ruby said that if we start to argue about things we should... hold hands."

Will lets out a huff but complies and takes Alicia's hands into his own. Now they're actually standing there looking at each other with intertwined fingers, she suddenly sees everything. Will's eyes, tense but caring but almost desperate, his soft hair. His lips. She has to remind herself what exactly they're doing and refocus. Even if that means she removes one hand from Will's gentle grip and uses it to caress his face.

"I don't want to be arguing with you all the time, not here or in court. If it  _can_  be avoided on a case by case basis, then I think it should be. Okay?"

"How am I supposed to say no to you like this?" Will asks, resigned.

"Simple - you don't," Alicia smiles at him cheekily. He rolls his eyes and sighs. "I also think we should avoid talking about specific cases when we're at home. Agreed?"

He nods. "That, I can agree to. And telling people at work? We should probably wait a while for that. At least until you're ready to tell your kids."

Alicia nods. "Good, so this is a start. Ruby was right - resolve argument first,  _then_ have sex."

"Oh?" Will raises his eyebrows. "I forgot about that. Well, we'd better follow every step of her advice then, shouldn't we?"

Alicia laughs as he grabs her hand and pulls her towards the bedroom. In reality, though, she really needs no coaxing or persuasion.


	19. Mess It Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mess It Up - The Preatures
> 
> YouTube - https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qWb7PVBhdB0
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/52QgZBcVXk1Bjh0K00TKJf?si=klwkhZMoTw-mea7wpI7K7A

* * *

It almost doesn't getter better than this. Laying on the couch with Will, laughing and sipping wine as they listen to music through Zach's speakers - it's just like old times. Will always had the fantastic music taste and that guitar he'd always carry around. Some of the songs he plays are more recent, but it still feels just like before. She decides to recline even further, lying back onto Will's chest as he props his feet up. There's a lull in their conversation, a quiet moment where they're just staring at each other. This past week has been a dream, it's everything she's been missing out on for nearly 20 years.

"Do you remember our weekend in New York?" Alicia asks, and his smile is all she needs as an answer. "I said it was the happiest I'd ever been. But that... that was before this moment."

"Right now?" Will asks, playing with her hair and gently brushing it back from her forehead.

"Right now," she replies softly. She's just about to pull him in for a kiss when she hears a key in the door and footsteps through the entry. She springs up in a panic.

Zach spends a moment processing the situation, looking between his mother and Will, who has made himself right at home in _his_ home. This perfect evening has now become a nightmare.

"Zach," she starts, but her son shakes his head.

"I just forgot some books," he grumbles and stalks off to his room.

Alicia sighs and lets herself flop back down on to Will's chest. "That's great, really," she laughs sarcastically.

"And I wanted to make a good first impression," he grumbles disappointedly with furrowed brows. "At least as something more than your colleague or boss."

Alicia stands and prepares herself for the awkward conversation she's about to have with her son. "Well, this was fun while it lasted," she muses wryly, looking back at Will as he chuckles and sits up on the couch. "Poetry's over, it's time for the parent-teacher conferences now," she notes teasingly and heads to Zach's room - but not before sneaking in one last kiss.

Her son is stowing books into his bag when she reaches his doorway, leaning on it in silence to consider how to approach this.

"I'll only be a minute," Zach informs her, tone laced with bitterness and sarcasm. Oh, he is so much like his grandfather.

"You weren't supposed to find out like this," Alicia starts.

"Oh, so I was supposed to find out at all? I mean, you didn't say anything _last time_ you two were seeing each other. Or wait, did you just never stop?!" He snarks.

"That's not fair," Alicia snaps. What on earth? He'd known about her and Will last time?

"Whatever," he grumbles and goes to leave.

"No, not whatever." She puts out a hand to stop him. "Sit down, we're talking." Zach rolls his eyes but does as he's told. Alicia joins him on the edge of his bed. "Now I know that you and Grace have been through a lot lately. But you didn't think that I'd be single for the rest of my life, did you? Or that your father and I would get back together, even though we're divorced? I thought we'd talked about this, how the instability and the back and forth with me and your dad was bad for you and Grace-"

"It's not about that," Zach yells.

"Well, then what is this about, me not telling you?" She sees her son huff but not object, so decides to take that as a yes. "I didn't tell you last time because... last time was different. No one really knew about me and Will. Some suspected - obviously you did. But this was when your father and I were separated, you know that right?"

"And what about _this_ time? Were you going to tell me at all?"

"Yes," she insists exasperatedly. "But honey, I don't even know what to tell you _now._ This only just happened. I've been trying to figure out what this is myself."

"I still don't get why last time was different."

"Because, I... I didn't take it seriously. I never brought him into your lives like that, because I didn't think it would last."

"What, so it was just sex?"

Alicia's eyes bug out of their sockets. " _Zach."_

"What?"

She figures she should be honest, so that Zach feels like he can do the same, so he feels validated and listened to. She sighs and answers. "Yes, it was... just sex. But it's not anymore, it's more than that. Zach... I love him."

"More than Dad?" He presses.

" _Different_ than Dad." Alicia has to smile at all the questions coming from her son, otherwise, she'd be overwhelmed. Zach doesn't share the same expression, however, still looking troubled. "I've known him for decades, and probably loved him for just as long. Hey, something's still up. What's wrong?"

"What... what if he just cheats on you?"

Alicia runs a hand over his short hair and pulls him into her arms. "Oh, honey. That's for me to worry about, not you. I'll be fine. Love is about trust, Zach. And I trust him. I hope you'll find him trustworthy too, once you get to know him better. Your dad is always going to be your dad, Will isn't going to change that. But why don't we have him over for dinner soon, so you and your sister and meet him properly? Okay?"

"Okay, I guess. So what, is he your boyfriend now?"

"Ugh, no. That sounds so juvenile!" Alicia cries with a laugh. "I haven't had a boyfriend since I was closer to _your_ age than mine. "Just... he's just Will, okay?"

"Okay..."

"Alright, drive back to dad's safely," she instructs as they head out of his room together. Zach slows as he passes the living area, stopping to look back and wave at Will.

"Bye Will," he offers.

Will sits up quickly at this. "Yeah, see ya," he responds eagerly. Once her son is gone, Alicia lets out a huff of air as she rests back on the lounge. "So how did it go?"

"Okay, I think. Pretty good, all things considered. I told him you'd have dinner with me and the kids sometime. This is happening quicker than we planned. Is that alright?" Alicia asks tentatively.

"That's, that's more than alright. I'd love to do that. I'm already nervous as hell," he admits with a chuckle. She knows, however, that he's being completely serious.

"You'll be fine. Grace will adore you, I'm sure."

"You think?" He asks hopefully.

"Oh yeah," she assures. "I definitely can see her liking you."

Will nods in relief. "So, I'm alright to stay a little longer? Or did you want me to leave..."

"Don't you dare," Alicia teases and climbs on top of Will's lap with a giggle.

* * *

Will is pacing outside Alicia's apartment. "What if they _don't_ like me... How do you know they'll-"

"Well, _I_ like you. So they're gonna have to," Alicia tells him with a grin. She's sweating bullets on the inside, but she's masking it because she can see how much Will is sweating bullets on the _outside_. "You'll be fine," she reassures. "Just be yourself."

"Dammit I forgot the wine, I brought wine,"

"Will. Who do you think I am? I have wine," Alicia deadpans. As Will lets out a sigh she adds to her remarks. "Besides, it's not like the kids will be drinking it anyway."

"Of course, I'm an idiot! I should've brought something that your kids could have too, what do they like, should I-"

"Will, seriously. Relax." Alicia's instructions force him to take a proper breath in, letting it out and nodding.

"I'm good."

"Good." Alicia steps towards him outside her apartment door, sliding her arms around his strong frame. "I love you," she reminds him in a whisper.

"I love you too," he responds with a kiss.

* * *

There is an awkward silence at the dinner table. The only sounds are forks scraping across the plates, and her children eagerly munching on their lasagne. Will's not so eager, he looks like he's going to be sick. This isn't going well at all. Ruby was right, they should've met on neutral territory, not dinner at their home. Although Zach's already seen him here, so that threw the spanner into the works in the first place. This would've been done much differently if they hadn't gotten caught out by Zach so early. She wracks her brain for more advice from Ruby, establishing trust, familiarity, and just doing what she would normally do and talk about, within reason of course. She clears her throat and breaks the silence.

"So how did the physio go yesterday?"

"I didn't make it, got caught up with a meeting," Will answers.

"What? Will, you need to see him more regularly or your shoulder is just going to get worse-"

"You see a physio? What happened to your shoulder?" Grace's question is the first thing she's said without being spoken to first.

"Remember the shooting at the courthouse? Will was... injured," Alicia answers tentatively.

"Oh, yeah... sorry," Grace winces to Will.

"About what? The wounds make me look tough, or at least not so weak and puny. No lawyer wants to mess with me now." Will jokes with a shrug, making her smile. Zach simply frowns into his dinner. Alicia stares at him, while her daughter chats with Will some more.

Her son approaches her as she's washing the dishes. "So that's why you were so upset after the shooting?"

Alicia turns from the sink to look at him. "Hmm?"

"You weren't actually that hurt... but Will was. Is that why you got together again?" Zach questions.

Alicia sighs. "We got back together because... we learned that life is so short. And I was upset after the shooting because I realized that I loved him. I realized I could lose him before I'd even let him into my life."

Zach nods with that familiar pensive look on his face and heads out to the lounge room. He and Will watch the basketball game on TV and talk about sports with terms she's never even heard of. She doesn't understand a word but she can't find it in herself to care, because he's _trying,_ Zach is trying. It causes tears to threaten to spill from her eyes. She distracts herself by sitting at the table beside Grace.

"So," she starts. "You and Will got talking quite a bit back there."

"Yeah," she responds distantly.

"I'm sorry this happened so quickly. But when Zach found out, I didn't want to make him keep it from you."

"It's okay. I... I think I like him," she continues and smiles up at her mother.

"That's good. Because you always know that you kids come first, with everything. And your Dad..."

"Dad is always going to be my Dad, I know. You've said it like a thousand times," Grace teases.

"I know, I just... want you to be okay with all of this. Especially since I haven't told him yet. I'm going to this weekend, we're talking then. I promise." The girl nods and looks down at her practically empty dinner plate. "You know, you never quite know what you're really thinking. Behind here," Alicia muses and brushes a strand of hair from her daughter's forehead. " _My_ grandmother always used to say the same thing to me. But you'd tell me, if something was wrong? Wouldn't you?"

"Yeah," Grace nods. "I'm glad you've been happier lately. It's because of Will, isn't it?" She asks with a smile.

"Well, it's a lot of things. My priorities have... shifted a little. But Will is a significant factor, yes," she laughs and pulls her daughter into her arms. "I love you," she whispers, planting a kiss on her forehead.

Their sweet little moment together grinds to a halt in no time at all, however, as Alicia tunes in on the conversation Will and Zach are having in the living room. Or is it an argument... She hears them more clearly as she walks closer.

"What, and that's so terrible as opposed to you sleeping with your married employee?" Alicia hears her son snap at Will.

Alicia freezes in shock, and then storms in the living room. " _Zach,"_ she snaps. Both Will and her son look up at her. She's about to lecture him about _respect_ when Will stops her.

"Alicia wait, wait. It's okay," he reasons, standing up from the couch. "Zach why don't you get your coat. Let's go for a walk."

"What?" Alicia demands, even more thrown off balance now.

Will takes her arm and leads her to the study, probably to have this conversation away from Zach. "I think he needs to talk this through with someone, an adult who isn't his parent. It's important that he gets this stuff out so we can deal with it, we have to address whatever problems with me he has and make him feel listened to."

Alicia sighs. "You sound like you've been spending way too much time with Ruby."

"So do you agree?"

"Yes, I suppose."

Will nods and takes a step closer to her, resting his hands on her waist. "You won't be sorry," he promises and leans in to press his lips to hers. She relaxes, slides her arms around him and wants to stay there for longer, but she's snapped out of it by the sound of footsteps through the apartment.

How can she be this intoxicated from one kiss? It takes all of her brainpower to register that Zach and Will are leaving. "Don't be gone too long," she instructs warningly.

* * *

Will's hands are shaking in his coat pockets. Maybe it's the cold, maybe he's nervous. Maybe it's both.

"So, where were we...? Me, sleeping with an underling?"

"Yeah. That sounds about right," Zach grumbles. So he's not making this easy on him. Great, this is great. To be expected, he guesses.

"Well for a start, your mother never seemed like an underling to me. She's always managed to keep me on my toes," Will smiles, only to receive an eye-roll in return.

Yep, he's definitely Alicia's kid.

"She came back after all that time had passed, jumped right in the deep end and swam like an olympian. She managed to start nipping at my heels in no time, even after I'd had 13 years to get ahead. She's gotten good at that lately, fighting for things. Mostly you and Grace. She's done so much of that in the past few years." Zach remains silent, frowning down at his feet as they walk. "But that's not what's bugging you, is it? It's the whole scandal feel of it, the secrets and rendezvous. It sounds too much like what your dad did, right?"

"You don't know anything about us, about what happened," Zach snaps.

"But I do know your mother. In fact, I met her before Peter did."

"You two didn't talk for like a decade," Zach argues.

"True. But it was like no time had passed at all when we saw each other again."

"I'm surprised Grace is so okay with this," the boy continues with a grumble after a bit of silence. "Considering what her bible has to say about divorce and adultery."

There is silence for a moment as Will considers and thinks about his answer. "And tell me Zach, who committed adultery first out of your parents?" He asks. Zach doesn't answer, his point must be made. "You mom puts on a really good front, but I know what happened with your dad hurt her deeply. Look, I'm not here to throw stones at him-"

"Considering you've got no moral ground to stand on at all."

"Look... the truth is, I've never been very rational about things when it comes to Alicia," he admits with a wry smile. "It's been like that since we were in college, and it obviously never changed. But your mom doesn't work for me anymore. We don't even work together, so that's not an issue. She's no longer married, even though she was separated when we were together. And you and Grace are old enough to understand how complicated these things can be."

"And the shooting?"

"What about it?"

"Has that affected any of this? You and Mom?"

Will pauses, reflects on that moment in his mind. He closes his eyes, tries to blink it away, and sighs. "I thought I was going to die... die with her thinking that I hated her. Believe me, I _was_ mad at her. I felt like I'd put everything out there for her and she'd turned it away. After the shooting, your mom had a bit of a reality check too, so things started to look up for us. But she still hadn't met me halfway, and I still hadn't really dealt with what happened in my head, so I became bitter and angry about it all. I think after that, we both came to our senses and instead of the bad timing we'd always had, we just decided to make it the right time for ourselves. We kept gravitating to each other constantly, and I was getting sick of pretending that I no longer cared about her."

"And who's to say you won't just cheat on her like Dad?"

Will has to laugh at this, genuinely laugh. "I've spent 20 years of my life either chasing after your mom, or subconsciously ruining every relationship I was in because they weren't her. You think after all that, now that I have her I'm just gonna go off with someone else?"

"I guess not," Zach admits.

As soon as they arrive back from their walk, Will and Zach find Alicia standing in the kitchen. She walks over and there's some silent communication, an eyebrow raise from Alicia, a small smile from Will. She instructs her son that it's time to get ready for bed and Will announces he should probably head home.

"It _is_ getting late." He claps Zach on the shoulder as he heads to his room. "See you, Zach."

"Bye," the boy farewells with a tone that Alicia can't quite decipher.

She steps closer to Will. "So, how'd it go?" She asks quietly.

"Those kids you've raised are amazing, Alicia. If I were in his shoes I'd probably be trying everything to make my life a living hell. He's going to need time to adjust, but I think he mostly just cares about you and wants to protect you. It's really something special."

"I'm glad you both got out of it unscathed," Alicia teases and steps into his arms after glancing around to make sure they're alone.

"Well, he did question my intentions with you, it was like the Spanish Inquisition for a while there. So I'd say I've got a couple scars, you'll have to kiss them better," he whispers in her ear.

Alicia giggles like a schoolgirl. "Later," she promises. "If I kiss you now, I won't want to stop."

"Tomorrow," Will offers.

"Tomorrow," she whispers in agreement with her forehead pressed to his. Once Will leaves, Alicia spends a moment leaning against the closed front door smiling to herself.

"That was gross."

Alicia gasps and jumps in shock. " _Zach._ Were you there the whole time?"

"Just the end. And like I said, it was gross."

Alicia rolls her eyes at her son. "We didn't even kiss."

"Exactly, and you _still_ managed to make it gross."

Alicia laughs and pokes her son's side to get him moving. "Bed, _now."_

She'd be more worried about his comment if it wasn't what he always used to say when she and Peter would have a mushy moment with each other. She'd tell him it was better than seeing his parents fighting. And really, this is better than her and Peter fighting too.

* * *

The next day, on a roll and a high from things going relatively well with Will and the kids, Alicia decides to get telling Peter out of the way also. She sits down in his huge, fancy Governor's office.

"I thought we were meeting on the weekend," Peter greets emotionlessly.

"Yes, sorry I just... Well, I wanted you to know sooner rather than later."

"Know what?"

She sighs. Ruby said that there is no good way to tell bad news, it doesn't matter how, so just say it. So she does. "Will - Will Gardner, he and I are... together. Not publicly, yet, but Zach found out by accident last week. So, he met the kids properly last night."

Peter has a familiar, sour look on his face as he processes what Alicia has said, and leans back in his chair. There's a long, awkward silence and Alicia is digging her nails into her hands.

"Well that's great," Peter growls sarcastically. "Really, that's just great. I'm not sure what's better about this - Your unilateral decision-making about _our children_ , or your instant rush to try and _replace me_."

"That's not what I-"

"Have you really been that desperate and lonely?"

" _Ohh-kay,_ I think we're done here. Call me when you want to talk about this like an adult." Alicia huffs and stands to leave.

"Oh so _that's_ it, you don't think you should treat me like an adult! That's why you decided to tell our _children_ before me?"

"I didn't _tell_ Zach, he found out before I was going to tell _anyone_!"

"What, did he catch you two having sex?" He asks snarkily.

"Oh, go to hell Peter."

Alicia storms out and through the halls, certainly not for the first time. Eli catches her eye as he's walking the other way. They both freeze, stare at each other. Then stalk off their separate ways.

Alicia considers what to do about this whole situation - Peter, Will, everything. Once it gets out, the public scrutiny will be unbearable. She needs someone to help her through that...

She needs Eli.

He's always the one she would turn to with things like this. He probably hates her. Or thinks that she hates him still, that she hasn't forgiven him. Has she? Their relationship was quite different back when he deleted the voicemail. As she passes a gift shop on the street, she halts at the window of the store. She knows what to do.

Alicia knocks and enter's Eli's office, biting her lip anxiously. She steps forwards holds out the new photo frame, a peace offering, resting it in front of Eli on his desk. The photo inside isn't the same as the one she ruined but it's still of her and Eli. They're both pulling ridiculous, but happy, faces - just like the last one. "Clean slate?" She asks tentatively. Eli stares at the photograph as he stands from his desk.

For a moment she's worried he won't accept it and he'll throw it away. But he looks back up at her with glistening eyes and pulls her in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Alici-"

"Hey, what did I say? Clean slate," she teases and brings him in for another hug. "Good, now that that's sorted..."

"What's going on..." Eli asks suspiciously. Alicia winces, tries to smile. The realization wipes over his face as he nods resigned. "You're back with Will, aren't you?"

"Possibly... Maybe... yes."

Eli sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Who else knows?"

"Peter and the kids, Ruby, Diane. I'm not sure who Will has told, if he has told anyone. And you should know, Peter's... not happy about all of this." Eli goes to rant and babble but she hushes him. "Now Eli, I don't want to hear any of your opinions or judgments. Will and I are together and that's final. What I would love is for you to help me make this a non-event in the media as much as possible. Please?"

"Fine," he grumbles.

"Good, thank you. Alright, now I have to go." Her exit is a moment too late, however, as Peter approaches Eli's office with a stormy gaze, walking past at the same time. She takes in a breath and looks back at them. "And not that either of you asked, but yes - I'm very happy." She lifts her head high and proudly strides out as the two men stare, wondering what exactly happened to the Alicia that they used to know.

 


	20. Mess is Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mess is Mine - Vance Joy 
> 
> Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kINi_D0SW0Y  
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/7BVwi9cIzSc6tpyxsp47vJ

* * *

Alicia steps under the steaming water of the shower, turning up the hot water so it pounds on her skin. This exactly what she needs after the day she's had - hell, after the  _week_  she's had.

Twisting the tap off, she sighs in frustration as she remembers she didn't replace the bath towel she put in the laundry. Luckily, she hears the front door being opened, she assumes by Will.

"Will, is that you?" She calls out. "Can you get me a towel, please? Better yet, come in and join me," she finishes with a grin that he can probably hear in her voice.

She hears footsteps approaching the open door of the bathroom, followed by a deep voice.

"It's not Will," she hears in a grumble from behind the door.

Alicia gasps, nearly slipping in the shower. "Dammit, Peter!" She grabs her bathrobe and covers herself as she walks over to the open door, even though Peter has stayed behind it. "This isn't your house, you know, you can't just barge in here," Alicia snaps, pulling it shut. Before it can fully close, she sees a towel being reached through. She sighs and takes it, drying herself briefly before stepping out in her bathrobe.

Peter is standing there, in a suit of course, hands crossed in front of him. "I knocked, I figured no one was home. Zach wanted me to pick up the car. I was getting the keys."

"I probably didn't hear you with the shower running."

"Guess not."

"So... the keys are out in the kitchen."

"Right, right..."

As Alicia opens the door to let Peter out, he stops and looks back at her. "I don't want to be fighting with you like this."

"Neither do I."

"The kids are growing up now... and I don't want them to... wind up hating me." He has trouble getting the last words out.

"Peter?" She's hardly ever seen him like this, sad and vulnerable.

"I miss you," he admits.

"You don't have to," she consoles. "Hey, I'm right here, and the kids don't hate you."

"I know, just... mom's having some more health issues right now. And I just..."

"Oh, Peter. I'm sorry."

"Thanks. And I'm sorry too, this isn't your problem to deal with. I'll get out of your hair."

"Hey, come here." Alicia holds out her arms.

Just as she's the middle of hugging her ex-husband, in a bathrobe no less, is the perfect time for Will to step into the hall from the elevator.

"Will..." Alicia greets awkwardly. He takes in the sight before him, his eyes turning stormy as they land on Peter. Luckily neither man says a word, they just glare at each other as Will stalks into the apartment. She farewells Peter and follows after Will.

"Hey, that was nothing back there. You know that, right?"

"Do I?" Will demands.

"Hey - yes you  _do_. I mean,  _look_  at me," Alicia cries, gesturing to her wet hair and bathrobe. "You really think I was expecting him to show up?"

Will looks her up down before grumbling, "I sure  _hope_  you weren't, wearing that."

" _Will_ ," Alicia snaps. "Now, I know this is hard for you. I'm only just divorced and we've still got... trust issues to sort out. But you have to understand that this isn't exactly easy for me either. I'm trying to keep things as amicable as possible between me and Peter, because as inconvenient as this might be for you, he's the father of my children - and he's always going to be in my life. Do you get that?"

"Yeah, I guess... I don't have to  _like_ him though, do I?"

"Don't be silly," Alicia laughs. "Now come on, let's have dinner."

Once they start heading to the kitchen, she stops in her tracks. "Wow, I feel like I just diffused a bomb."

'Hey!" Will calls, chasing a laughing Alicia into the kitchen.

* * *

"Ruby!" Alicia knocks and knocks, with no response at first.

"Alicia?" She hears from behind the door, muffled and low.

"It's me, can I come in?" She frowns at the grumbles and groans she hears from inside Ruby's apartment, but takes them as affirmative and lets herself in.

Alicia gapes at the young woman, lying on the couch. She's obviously just woken up. "Ruby, what on earth...? This place is a  _mess."_

"Oh, shoot!" Ruby scrambles and sits up abruptly. "We had a thing today, didn't we?"

"Yes, I tried calling you. You missed it so I was just checking in... what is going on?"

"Nothing nothing, I just... had a long week and was at the hospital with a double shift."

Alicia frowns. "No, something's up... You've had crazy weeks like this before. You're wallowing. What's wrong?" Tears well up in Ruby's eyes at Alicia's question. "Oh, honey..." She sits down, managing to avoid the ice cream tub on the floor and pulls the girl into her arms.

"I'm wallowing," she agrees tearily.

"Why does everyone seem to be falling apart around me lately?" Alicia asks with a breath of laughter into Ruby's hair. "Is this about that guy back in England?"

"Yes," she admits with a sniffle. "How pathetic is that."

Alicia looks around the apartment. "Cmon, up you get. This place needs a good cleaning."

"But I'm wallowing," Ruby whines.

"Not anymore, you're not. Up!" She lightly whacks the younger woman on the side of her hip, but all it does is make Ruby roll over. "Hey. You're really going to sit here and let a  _MAN_ drag you down like this?"

In an instant, Ruby is standing on her feet. " _Okay_ , you've got me there. I'm up."

Alicia smiles triumphantly, having capitalized on Ruby's raging feminism - and for a noble cause, nonetheless. The girl rises to her feet with ruffled hair, a frown and splotchy cheeks. Now, if Alicia could just cheer her up somehow...

"Once this place is tidied, you're going to get all dressed up and we'll go out somewhere. Anywhere but holed up here wallowing."

* * *

Within the hour, they are at a bar giggling into their drinks. "You are a bad influence Peach, you seem to bring out the alcoholic in me," Ruby notes with a laugh. "The only two times I've drunk-dink-dranked is this year! With you!"

They both laugh even harder at her stumbling over her words. The evening then becomes a blur of dancing, which Alicia usually doesn't do, making jokes about guys who try to hit on them and of course way too much laughing. She feels like she's 21 years old again, except that now she's with the right guy. She smiles at the thought of Will, and picks up her phone to ring him.

"Alicia? You okay?"

"Hiiiii, baby..." Alicia tries to say enticingly.

"Oh well, that's a new name,  _baby."_ Will replies, laughter audible through the phone. "Sounds like you're having fun there - you need me to pick you two up?"

"Pick us up? No, we should be fine with a cab, I just wanted to call you-" she then notices Ruby animatedly scrunch up her face. "Actually, we need to be picked up. Pretty please?"

"Well, because you said please."

She somehow manages to communicate where they're at to Will, who then nearly hangs up but she stops him. "Will! Wait no Will, Will!"

"What, what's wrong?"

"Will, I love you. I love you so much," she confesses drunkenly.

"I love you too,  _baby."_ He jokes. "Okay, I'm gonna go and head over to you guys now-"

"Wait no, please don't go. Please don't leave me, Will."

"I'll be right there with you, I'm coming to you now."

"Okay," Alicia grins, placated.

* * *

It's probably the one too many tequilas that she's had, but Alicia can't help but hold on to Will's hand or his arm or some part of him the whole way home. She'd expect Ruby to be complaining about third-wheeling, but she's too tipsy herself, staring out the window.

Once they reach the elevator of Alicia's apartment, Ruby ends up between the couple as they help her into Alicia's room. After letting the young woman kick off her shoes and flop onto the bed, Will takes Alicia's hand and leads her out.

Alicia giggles as she's pulled down on the couch next to him, and he wraps around her.

"So, baby, huh? That's our thing now, calling me baby?"

"You're never going to let that go now, are you?" She laughs.

"Oh, of course not. But hey, there are a lot worse pet names than baby."

Alicia lets her head rest on Will's shoulder and sighs. She enjoys the quiet moment before memories invade her mind. "I wish it hadn't taken me so long. To come to you."

"Why  _did_  it? What did you think of me back then?" He asks curiously while he plays with her hair, probably trying to take advantage of her drunken state.

"You... you were perfect. Too good to be true. I didn't let myself have you," Alicia confesses. "And like you said... we had bad timing."

"You thought I was perfect?" Will asks in bemusement. Of course that's what he got from what she said.

"You  _are_  perfect," she corrects. "Flaws and all. You're everything, Will. You're my everything." Her whispered words, although induced by her liquid courage, are genuine - even if she'll never repeat them when she's sober. She doesn't want to keep talking for fear of coming across as needy, so she just presses her lips to his instead. Her hands instantly fight with the buttons of his shirt, as she swivels around to straddle him.

Will's response to her is eager and instant, but he still says into her neck, "Alicia you're all tipsy, I don't want to take advantage..."

"Ohhh yes, take advantage of me," she pleads with a grin and hitches her skirt up. Will's breathing becomes noticeably heavier, as he grips eagerly at her body whilst she trails her lips around the skin of his neck and collarbone.

"But Ruby's..."

Alicia gasps. "Ruby! I completely forgot, that doors still open. I'll go check on her - one. Second," she says between kisses, enticing him to stay where he is momentarily.

She tip-toes over to her room, peeks through the door as Ruby lifts her head drowsily. "Peach? I should probably get home..."

"No, no, don't even think about it. You're staying here tonight," she instructs, helping Ruby's jacket off and pulling the covers over the young woman.

"You were probably gonna have a wild evening with Will, weren't you. And I ruined it! Damn it."

"Don't be silly, you're always welcome here. Now, off to sleep."

"Ugh. You're not my mother," she grumbles into the pillow.

"No, but I'll tuck you in and tell you a bedtime story if you're a good girl," Alicia teases as she sits herself down on the bed next to her.

Will knew that this would happen. Alicia would go back to the bedroom with Ruby, after getting him all riled up, and not come out again that night. Once he stops hearing the muffled sounds of them talking (probably a D-and-M, as Ruby likes to call it) he approaches the bedroom to find the two women fast asleep, passed out on her bed. Will shakes his head - Alicia's not even under the covers properly. He tip-toes over and pulls the duvet over Alicia's small frame. If he also spends a moment caressing her hair and kissing her on the forehead goodnight, well, no one has to know. He shuts the light out and heads out, letting these two women who have seemingly taken over his life sleep in the double bed.

* * *

"Mom?" Alicia is awoken by her daughter's voice and hand on her shoulder.

"Grace..." she grumbles, lifting her pounding head from her pillow. Her throat feels dry, head throbbing in pain. "What are you doing here, I thought you were at dad's until tomorrow?"

"No, we said we were coming back earlier. Why is Ruby sleeping here? And why  _here_? We do have a spare room, you know."

At hearing her name, the young woman groans and rolls over, frazzled hair pasted over her face. "Too early," Ruby croaks.

Alicia shoots up. "Umm, wait here." She dashes over to the spare room, greeted by a funny look from Zach on the way before she checks inside. It's empty, Will must've gone back to his place. Poor thing! She'd gotten him all excited and fallen asleep with Ruby instead.

"Will isn't here?" Grace asks approaching her mother, snapping Alicia out of her thoughts. She looks back, sighs and places an arm around her daughter.

"No, honey."

"Oh... it'd be okay, you know. If he was here. I mean, I'm guessing he stays over sometimes when Zach and I aren't here?"

"Yes, sometimes. Like we talked about, remember?"

Grace nods with a pensive look on her face. "Well... if, you know, Will stays over - even when we're here, that's okay too."

"Yeah?" She asks her daughter with a smile. Once Grace has gone back to the kitchen, Alicia pulls out her phone and dials for Will.

"Hey,  _baby,_ " Will teases before Alicia can even get out a greeting.

"Don't even start," Alicia instructs.

"I can hear your eyes rolling from here," he laughs through the phone.

"I'll let this one slide, only because you were very good to me last night. You could've stayed, you know."

"I know, but I figured I'd sleep in my own bed and come round in the morning."

"You did?" Alicia asks.

"Check your front door," he instructs. Alicia grins, heading to the door as requested. Will is standing there when she opens it, holding coffee and baked goods.

"You're an angel," Alicia laughs. She smiles and steps towards him, pulling him in for a kiss.

"I figured you'd need these after last night," he explains proudly.

After spending a moment wrapped around him, she pulls back slightly to look into his eyes. "Hey," she finally greets, after giving him a proper kiss hello.

"Hey yourself, so am I allowed in?"

"Oh, of course, caffeine grants you instant access."

She takes his hand as they head in with the food and coffee, tuning in on Ruby's conversation which has her children giggling. "In conclusion, don't ever go near alcohol. It just makes your head hurt and you think you're a good dancer when you really, really aren't."

Grace and Zach are in stitches by this point, laughing into her pastry. Alicia takes one eagerly and sips on her coffee. But her children are staring at her.

"What?" Alicia asks, muffled by a mouthful of pastry.

Ruby raises an eyebrow. "I think they're just trying to picture their mother dancing to Beyonce. Also, they're probably not used to seeing her sitting on a man's lap. Namely Will's."

Alicia darts her head around to Will, whose lap she is actually sitting on, as it turns out. She hadn't even noticed. "Oh..."

Ruby stops her before she stands up fully. "No, don't get up, they just aren't used to it as I said. Unless the sight of this upsets you, does it upset you Grace? Zach?" Her children both look at each other awkwardly and shake their heads.

"Okay, let's not start psychoanalyzing my kids," she laughs.

"Oh,  _please_. That's not even close to psychoanalyzing them."

Will's phone rings loudly and he apologizes, getting up to take the call. "Work?" Alicia asks when he returns.

"Yeah, I'd usually leave it till Monday but I can't," Will apologizes with a sigh.

Alicia smiles. "That's fine, go save the world one client at a time."

Will grabs his coffee, head darting around to everyone. "Bye," he farewells to the whole group. He then turns to Alicia. "Bye," he repeats somewhat awkwardly.

"Bye," she responds, a hint of an amused smile on her lips.

Once he's started walking off, she notices that her children and Ruby are staring at her again. "What is it  _now_?" She asks, grabbing her croissant.

"That was... weird," Ruby notes plainly.

"Yeah," Zach agrees.

"Obviously you'd usually give each other a kiss goodbye," the therapist points out, continuing before Alicia can even object or argue that her  _children_ are listening. "You can't be shy about this stuff because of your kids. Go on, go give him a kiss then. Will! You forgot something!" Ruby calls out before he exits. Alicia lets out an exasperated sigh, racing to the front door before he comes all the way back and Ruby makes her kiss him right there in front of her children - she wouldn't put it past her.

"Hm, what did I forget?" Will asks, turning around at the door while checking his coat pockets.

Alicia steps closer to him. "A kiss. You forgot a kiss goodbye," she informs him softly.

"A kiss goodbye?" Will asks, a smile creeping up onto his face. He slowly steps towards her, looking around. "I can do that," he says before pulling her in gently and pressing his lips to hers. It's only a brief kiss but it makes her cheeks heat up at the thought of everyone in the other room. She had no problem kissing Peter when her children were right there, however, so maybe Ruby is right - she should probably get used to it and get her children used to it as well. It's certainly something she wouldn't mind getting used to; she relishes in his hands gliding up her back, pressing and kneading into her, making her legs weak. She has trouble letting him go, pulling back from his lips is becoming more and more difficult.

" _Now_  you can go," Alicia informs him with a grin. It's still on her face when she returns to Ruby and her children. They all roll their eyes at her when they see, all three of them, but she doesn't really mind.


	21. No Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Goodbyes - Dua Lipa
> 
> YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbJFDG6O8zM
> 
> Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/0mDGNetRxywxqgiXFbagZh

* * *

_'Just for tonight,  
Let's love like there's no goodbyes'_

Alicia is awakened by jostling next to her, as Will shoots up in bed. The city lights provide just enough illumination through the window for her to see the sweat glistening on his forehead.

"You okay?" Alicia asks, running a hand down his arm. She doesn't have to ask what happened, she knows it was another nightmare. He really needs to start seeing Ruby or  _somebody_  about them.

"Yeah," he sighs, before lying back down and pulling Alicia into his chest. He always seems to want to hold her a little tighter after these nightmares, and she's more than willing to let him. Alicia runs a soothing hand along his arm wrapped around her, she does this every time until Will falls asleep, or until she does - whichever comes first. She feels especially safe in his arms, relaxing into his embrace as sleep takes her again.

Will is awake again when she stirs the next morning. Or did he just never fall asleep? She worries that this post-traumatic stress robs so much resting time from him.

"Hey," she whispers, caressing his face. "Did you sleep?"

"Not much," he admits.

Alicia frowns and rests her head on his chest. This needs to stop.

* * *

Cary can tell that she's worried as he strides beside her on the way to the courthouse. He just thinks it's about the case, though. She'll be okay once she can Will at court, and make sure he's still functioning. As Cary talks with her and attempts to ease her nerves, he stops mid-sentence when the courthouse comes into view. There are officers outside, ambulances, police vehicles. Alicia's blood runs cold.

She hears the words 'gun' and 'stand-off' whilst watching people gradually fleeing through the courthouse doors. Alicia walks against the wave of people rushing the other way, but she's stopped by an officer at the entrance.

"No, you don't understand I need to get in there because Will Gardner has a court case and-" The officer holds out his arm to block her.

"I'm sorry ma'am, we're clearing the whole courthouse," he informs her. "Nobody is going in." She goes as far as trying to physically push past the officer, but she's absolutely no match for a man of his size.

Before she starts screaming, Cary has pulled her back. "Look, Alicia. Alicia! there's nothing we can do here. We just have to wait."  _Nothing we can do here, nothing we can do here._  Cary's right. Alicia darts her head around, and suddenly bolts back down the street where she came from. "Alicia!" Cary tries to call out, but she's long gone.

Alicia's out of breath by the time she's in the elevator going up to Lockhart/Gardner's offices, but she's tapping her fingers impatiently.  _Please be here, please be here, please by some miracle be here instead of court._ Cary, having managed to catch up with her, is glancing across at her with a concerned frown. She doesn't have the time to explain why she's so worried about Will, that they're together now, and  _she can't lose him, not now after everything._  As soon as the elevator doors slide open she rushes through and looks for a familiar face. Her eyes land on Diane, yes, Diane will know.

"Is Will here?" Alicia asks her in a shaky voice.

"No, he should be in court..." Diane responds slowly, glancing between Cary and Alicia. "What's the matter, Alicia, what's wrong?"

Diane's words sink down into her stomach and knock the wind out of her. She feels like she's going to be sick, and rushes off to a bathroom.

She prays. For once in her life, on the remote possibility that her daughter has got it right all along and there is in fact a God, she prays. Is it even to God, though? She just lays collapsed on the cold bathroom tiles in the cubicle and begs someone, if there's  _anyone_  up there, to help her. To protect Will.

When she returns, they've all found the TV channel broadcasting breaking news. No shots fired, but someone is waving around a gun nonetheless. Diane has her sit down with some water before rushing off to deal with finding out more information.

Cary's still got a concerned frown plastered over his face. "You wanna tell me what's going on? I mean, I know we're all worried, but-"

"Not now, Cary. I can't do this right now."

"I called Ruby. She's on her way-"

"You what?" She snaps.

"I thought you'd want to talk to her," Cary argues over her.

Alicia sighs. "Yes. I do, I'm sorry. I just hope she isn't being dragged away from work."

Ruby appears in the doorway. "Roo," Alicia calls, voice cracking with emotion.

"Hey, come here. I heard what's been happening," she coos, wrapping Alicia in a hug.

"Ruby, I can't just sit here. I'll go insane," she whispers into her shoulder.

"Why don't we go for a walk? Everyone has my number if they find out anything." Ruby locks arms with her and the two walk to the elevator.

Will is standing there as the doors open -  _Will_. Is she imagining this? A relaxed but surprised smile comes over his face. "Hey, what are you two doing here?"

Alicia nearly falls over, leaning on Ruby next to her. "What are we  _doing here?"_ She spits.

"Alicia, he obviously doesn't know what's happened-"

"Where were you?" Alicia demands.

"Lunch, court was delayed..." Will takes in Alicia's fragile state, a concerned frown comes over his face.

"Why weren't you answering your phone?" She presses, tone rising with each word.

His brows furrow even deeper. "I turned it off over lunch to not be rude. I was going to check messages when I got ba..." Will stops mid-sentence, seeing the look on Alicia's face. Ruby knows it all too well, the blank, expressionless stare currently fixed on Will. She's shutting down, bottling up every single one of her worries and fears and anxieties. No no no, this isn't what they'd talked about. "What's the matter?"

She pulls down her jacket to straighten it, clears her throat. "Nothing, I have to get back to work." She stalks away, grabbing her coat and entering the elevator Will just came out of. He tries to keep the doors open and ask where she's going, but Ruby puts a hand out to stop him.

"She needs to be on her own for a minute."

"What's going  _on_?" Will demands again.

Ruby let's out a huff. She drags him over to the television in the conference room where reports are showing on the news. "She thought you were in there," Ruby tells him.

Will's face falls. "Oh, my-"

"Yep. Luckily no one seems to be hurt. But you scared her, Will. You really, really scared her. She's so scared that she's frightened of how scared she was."

* * *

Alicia returns to Florrick/Agos, and buries herself into work for the whole day. People must sense not to bother her because she doesn't look up the whole time, and when she does it's 9pm and Will is standing in front of her desk with a concerned frown.

"I heard about the courthouse. No one was injured, thank God."

"I'm glad," Alicia nods. Will opens his mouth, but before he can even get out a syllable she insists, "I'm fine."

"Alicia..."

"No, I really am. Right now, I just... need to get back to work."

Will looks like he doesn't know what to do. He lingers, looks around, let's out a frustrated sigh.  _Don't let him walk away, Alicia, stop turning him away._  He turns around defeatedly. Just as he reaches the corner to the elevator, she finds herself stopping him.

"Will," she calls quietly, voice shaky with tears. He turns around to her instantly. "I'm so s-scared of losing you, I'm so scared-" she cries, covering her mouth with her hands and beginning to sob.

Will is by her side in an instant, arms around her. "I'm right here, shh. I'm right here. It's okay."

He manages to talk her down, her crying settles and she starts to breathe a little easier. She ends up in his lap, wrapped around him as he whispers comforting words into her ear. They stay like that for who knows how long, time flexes and bends as they talk about absolutely everything.

"We can't pretend like it didn't happen. You haven't been sleeping, I can tell," she is whispering to him when all of a sudden, there's the sound of the elevator doors opening and there's Cary walking into the main area of Florrick/Agos. He takes in the sight before him. She really wishes this place had some walls.

Will shoots a wide-eyed look to Alicia and awkwardly shifts around underneath her, but Cary's already seen them so she doesn't rush to move off of Will's lap - the secret's out now.

"So..." Cary begins.

"Yep." Alicia nods, straightening up slightly, defensively trying not to seem ashamed that she kept it from him.

"This is why you were freaked out."

"Yep."

"How long?"

"About..." she turns to Will, "two months?" He nods his head in agreement.

"And you didn't think it would be a good idea to  _tell me this_?" Cart demands frustratedly.

"Cary," Will starts, trying to reason.

"No. No, I don't have to listen to him." Cary shakes his head angrily, point a finger at his former boss. He storms off, and Alicia rushes after him.

"Cary wait! I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know how to tell you, and I didn't want it to affect... everything."

"Well, that's a given!" Cary retorts sarcastically. "Look, I told you about me and Kalinda because I know how I'd feel if you kept something like that from me. And you don't have the decency to do the same?"

"Cary, I was going to tell you when the time was right. But I needed to figure this out for myself first."

"Yeah, put yourself first. You got that right," he grumbles and stalks off. She calls out to him but it's no use, she knew it wouldn't be.

"Trouble in paradise?" Will asks teasingly when she returns.

Alicia shoots him a look. "Something like that," she admits with a roll of her eyes.

"He'll come around eventually. Once he realizes we're here to stay."

"Oh, are we now?" Alicia laughs softly and joins him back on his lap again.

"Yeah, we are." She spends a few moments just resting her forehead on his, reminding herself that he's not shot and he's safe.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, breaking the comfortable silence.

"No,  _I'm_  sorry. I've been avoiding talking about this with anyone. I thought that you and I were okay but I guess it takes time."

"Well, lucky for you I've got all the time in the world." She smiles, cupping his face to kiss him lightly. Will's grip tightens around her waist and as he brings his lips to hers again, her breath hitches.

"Let's go home," Alicia murmurs.

"Now  _that_  is an idea," he agrees, trailing his lips down her neck.

"No, I mean... I need you now, take me home  _now,_ " Alicia protests. He grasps her hand and complies with her wish.

He keeps fulfilling her every wish throughout the whole night, from the moment they reach the bedroom and long into the evening- every word that leaves her lips, from ' _yes, there'_  to ' _don't stop',_ everything that her hands wordlessly demand. He does this until both of their desires form a flurry of passion, a need to be impossibly closer to each other than they already are. His firm grip on her body as they both come down from their ecstasy tells her  _I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere._ Once their breathing has settled, and Alicia wants to lie down fully, she turns to her side by rotating in his arms rather than leaving his embrace. It's too secure and grounding for her to ever leave.

Will pulls her in closer once she's comfortable, resting a cheek on hers. "Alicia..."

"Yeah?"

"You said home."

"Hmm?"

"You called this home. You said let's go home."

"I did?"

"Yeah. Did you just mean...  _your_  home?"

Alicia lets out a chuckle into her pillow. "You've been thinking about this the whole time, haven't you?"

"Well, I'm sure I forgot about it for a little back there," he jokes pointedly, lightly trailing a hand along her arm. "But now it's coming back to me."

Alicia smiles, thinks about how she's going to play this. Will presses light kisses to her bare shoulder. "You know, you're here so often... if you thought of this place as home... that would be okay with me." Alicia tilts her head to catch his reaction, a hint of a surprised smile.

"We still have stuff to work through..." he reminds her.

"What couple doesn't? Relationships are work, especially long term ones."

Will hums his agreement. "So... what are you saying then?"

"I don't know," Alicia laughs. "What would  _you_  say? If I asked... if you wanted to move in?" Her heart races Will processes her offer, or not even offer - her  _prospect_ of an offer.

"I would say yes," he whispers.

Alicia bites her lip. "I'd need to talk to my kids."

"Of course, this is their decision too," Will concludes immediately. "So... home, huh?"

"Yeah, home."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."


End file.
